Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Evil Pru Reviews

I'm back! Did you miss me?

After the horror of seeing herself in a bathing suit the other day, Prunella has sworn off junk food and started jogging to firm up her mush body. Since she is addicted to sugar and hates to break a sweat, this has put her in a pretty bad mood. Of course I'm egging her on since I looooovvvveee to come out and play! I keep taunting her by singing, "Must be jelly, cause jam don't shake like that!" about a thousand times in her ear while ripping open a bag of Doritos. She's practically crying because she's having fruit for breakfast instead of a bagel with cream cheese. Ha ha. What a baby!

I feel like reviewing stuff today. Prunella never gets around to it since she is very lazy.

SONS OF HOLLYWOOD- is a new show on A&E and it sucks! It's vapid, ridiculous, and insufferable and makes Growing Up Gotti look like high art. Okay, I did only watch about two minutes of it but that's because two minutes was all I could take. I am sick of these stupid shows about dumbass rich kids and their useless, privledged little lives. I wish every celebrity had to be be sterilized so that they would be unable to foist their hideous spawn on a weary public!

TOFU HOT DOGS- Ever had one? It tastes like what I imagine boiled paper would taste like, except blander. Tofu is not good! Even my dog wouldn't eat it and she's not exactly known for her high standards. She eats cat turds and licks water out of the toilet, but she won't go near one of these.

THE JACK VAN IMPE SHOW- the best show on television. Jack is a wacked out televangilist who can't wait for the end of the world. He's really panting for it. The show basically consists of him and his foxy wife Rexella (I love that porn star name) sitting behind a desk. Rexella reads stories from the newspaper about killer earthquakes and the war in Iraq, and then Jack will quote bible verses that prove we are living in the "end times" and all the good people who believe in Jesus and pay $29.95 for his video will go to heaven with him and Rexella. The rest of us sinners will burn, and the thought of it makes him orgasmic. I'm so facinated by people who want to experience the Rapture during their lifetime. I think George Bush is one of them.

PRUNELLA'S COUSIN EDITH THE POETESS- thank God that annoying bitch is gone! Her constant spouting of horrible poetry was getting old. It just went on and on and on. Here is an example of the grocery list she left for el Hombre the other day:

pure ORGANIC MILK to nurture
crusty BREAD to sustain life and belly
PEANUT BUTTER velvety smooth doth tickle a tongue
savage crunch CELERY between firm little teeth, satisfy
noblest TAMPONS dam the flow, thank you precious beavers

El Hombre is a truely a saint for putting up with her as long as he did.

Here is a poem I just wrote. I hope you like it. Oh wait, actually I don't care if you do. Muyhahahahahahahahahha.

Roses are red
violets are blue
poetry is boring
shut up!

Okay, I'm bored now. I think I will go get a box of donuts and wave it in front of Prunella while she cries into her skinny latte with fake sugar. I'm so happy to be back. And judging from the amount of mush on Pru's butt along with her well known nonexsistent will power, I expect to be around for quite a while!


M-M-M-Mishy said...

Is Son's of Hollywood the one where Rod Stewart's kid talks about wanting Rachel Hunter (aka, step-mommy at the time) and Randy Spelling talks about taking Paris' cherry? Sounds classy!

Evil Pru said...

Yes indeed. It's so stupid. I wish the show was about Sean and Randy getting sent to Iraq. Now that one I'd watch!

Diane said...

If Sean and Randy want to show what rebels they are, they should get regular jobs and live quiet lives like the real world

morbid misanthrope said...

Evil Pru, you look familiar. Were you by any chance present at Brick by Brick when Anal Blast played there about six months ago? If not, someone very similar to you in appearance was in the alley behind the club, choking a dirty roadie for his last crack rock.

If tofu dogs aren't for you, perhaps you would enjoy Tofurkey a bit more.

LA said...

"noblest TAMPONS dam the flow, thank you precious beavers"

SHIT! My grocery list pales next to Edith's!

Rexella sounds like the name of an antidepressant to me.

Ffleur said...

Evil Pru
I love U
Yes, I do!

*exits stage right*

GetFlix said...

I miss Pru.

Just don't start calling yourself m-m-m-mushy.

brendalove@gmail.com said...


Sudiegirl said...

YES! You are truly a poet for our times.

Glad to see you back...

Scottsdale Girl said...

If only it took dieting and exercise to lose weight. I would totally do it!

You believe me right?

Frannie Farmer said...

Jogging? WTH??
If only she would try the Hollywood diet -- smoke more, barf more, weigh less. Simple .. its my next plan!

ffleur said...

Keep forgetting to tell you: I'm loving the Homer Simpson slide!