Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Kate's Innermost Thoughts

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Kate: I'm so in love with these new Prada shoes that I can't stop looking at them. They are soooo cute! I wonder when this stupid game will be over.

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Kate: God I wish Tom would stop clutching at me! His hands are so clammy.

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Tom: Come on, Kate. Put a little more passion into it can't you? You're supposed to be an actress!

Kate: (sigh) Whatever.

I've never thought much of Tom's acting but someone really needs to give homeboy some some tips on how to act like a normal, hetro, 40 something, married dude. Here is what I would advise.

1. Dudes don't feel the need to constantly paw, squeeze, fondle, clutch, grope, nuzzle, and squeeze their wives in public. A married dude knows he will be getting some, if not tonight then at some point.

2. Watching sports is an all consuming activity to most dudes. A lot of the time a dude will forget his wife is even in the room unless she brings him a beer at which point he will give her a loving pat on the bottom. Unless his team just scored, then he will be too busy cheering to notice anything.

3. A dude would never, ever wear a shiny, gold disco suit.

As my high school drama teacher used to say, the key to good acting is believability.

Of course maybe I'm just being cynical. Maybe, just maybe, Tom and Kate are having the love story of the century. Maybe their everyday lives are like a torrid romance novel. Now think about it, Kate is the lovely, naive ingenue and Tom is the older, worldly filthy rich man with a dark past. Can you picture it? Let's try that last picture again with some typical bodice ripper dialog.

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Tom: I must have you, my little tempest. All of you, your heart, your soul, your slim suppleness belong to me. If another man so much as glanced at you I'd kill him with my bare hands! Kiss me now, you lovely wench!

Kate: Darling Tiger!

Makes sense, huh? No wonder they're always all over each other! Aw it's so sweet. What do you think about them, Britney?

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Oh come on, Brit! I just shampooed that carpet!


Scottsdale Girl said...

Ew ew ew and double ew and did she have a face lifty type thing done?

Diane said...

I am with you one hundred percent . . . his neverending quest to prove he is straight just makes things worse, though I note he has apparently lost some weight, so changed from wearing all black suits with a sweater vest that he wore all last summer to soccer games, to a sateen suit to show off his flatter tummy . . .

prunella jones said...

SG- she does look different, doesn't she? Something was definately done.

Di- Good for him for losing the paunch but that suit makes me laugh.

prunella jones said...
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ffleur said...

TC: you are getting $5 mill! Would it kill you to kiss me in public once in awhile?

KH: I'm sticking to the contract, no extras. And that means no more pics at soccer games. I maxed out the contract limit last year. And get off me you freak!

PixieGaf said...

I think Katie is brainwashed or paid off because no hetro man would act/dress like Tom in public.

GetFlix said...

Actually she looks pretty good. Only Elvis could pull-off wearing a gold suit.

MJ said...

She's looking like a young Dianne Wiest there.

honkeie2 said...

I agree ass well. All of his marriages have been nothing more than a big script for him. He is totaly queer eye for the straight chick, he needed a cover.

LA said...

You nailed it on the shiny disco suit. It's not helping at all.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Obviously there was some mind control going on when somebody convinced Katie that micro-bangs were a good idea. They're only now starting to grow out.

I agree with Scottsdale Girl. Something looks different about her face.

BD said...

I saw Tom Cruise in Family Guy a few weeks ago, I started laughing in a way that would have me mocked. It just happened again...