Saturday, February 10, 2007

Cured?

Okay, I've had enough of this blah feeling. I want to get back to normal. It's time to write a song. Who should I pick on? Anna Nicole just died so she's out. All the usual celebrity twits are boring me lately. Well there's always Tom and Katie. Picking on Scientologists never gets old.

Let's see, how about we use the tune "Sk8er Boi"


He was a boy, she was a beard
could I make it anymore obvious?
She likes to shop, he can't accept that he's gay
what more can I say?

He -------


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Xenu: Are you there, Prunella Jones? It's me, Xenu!

Pru: Holy crap! What do you want?


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Xenu: I'm very annoyed with you. You are constantly disrespecting my chosen one, Lord Cruise and his earth woman. I've had enough of this. You will learn your lesson and learn it well.

Pru: Yeah right, I'm not scared of you. Bring it on.


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Xenu: Look into my eyes.....that's it. Keep looking.


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Pru: Yes.....master.......

Xenu: Do not mind my assistants. They are merely hooking you up to an e- meter. It won't hurt. Now then, let us get started. Prunella, I command you to tell me all of the bad things you've done in your life. Anything of which you might not want others to know. Once the church knows your secrets we an extort money from you....I mean we can better help you with your problems. Yes, that's it!

Pru: Everything I've ever done? This could take awhile. Well......


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Okay, I confess. I'm the one who gave Britney a wedgie the other day....


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I swiped Richie Sambora's sunscreen.


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I'm the one who barfed peanut butter all over Isaac.


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It was me who started the rumor in Hollywood that wearing panties causes sterility.



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I convinced Angie that Brad would be the best dad for Maddox, and that Jen was done with him anyway.


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Excellent. Keep talking, Prunella. Lord Cruise, are you getting all this on tape?


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Yes, my master. I'm making two extra copies. This little troublemaker will not be bothering us again any time soon. Heh heh heh.

14 comments:

Diane said...

Could you also make sure that Tom's next movie doesn't sell a single ticket? If Tom had a movie coming out that co-starred Daniel Craig in 007 shape naked throughout the whole movie, I'm not sure I could stand to watch it . . . ok, maybe, but I would bring my iPod for when Tom was on-screen

Frannie Farmer said...

Baby, I think you got your spark back - I have to imagine that Brit is a little grateful for the ANS scandal, as it seems to have taken the heat off of her for a few days.

prunella jones said...

Di- I will try my best.

Fran- Paris is probably grateful. No one is talking about what a racist skank she is now.

I do feel better today. I took a nice long walk out in the fresh air this morning. Yep, I walked all the way to the crackhouse. Oh yeah, feeling much better now! ;D

Actually the sun is shining and I exercised a bit.

ffleur said...

picking on Scieno's isn't just fun, it should be a requirement. So much comedy gold to be mined there. Keep up the solid gold work Pru!

GetFlix said...

See! All you needed was some fresh air.

prunella jones said...

Taunting Scientologists and fresh air do wonders for a for a low mood. Oh and the crack helped too.

Brenda said...

Ms. Prunella

Go out into the sunshine at least 5 mintues a day. Face the sun with your eyes CLOSED.

There is something about rays of light hitting the eyes that can help with SAD.

Or you can just pay the Scientologists.

T-girl said...

ROTFLMAO! Very funny! Oh and I am SO with Diane on the whole Tom Cruise movie deal... can you like get them to stop making movies with him in them AND can you wipe out ever concievable movie "they" thought he would be great in since Top Gun (you can keep that one, that is the one movie I like. It has nothing to do with him though and is all about Iceman... GOD he was hot!) Swear to God I can NOT figure out why he is "such a great actor"... he can't act and he creeps ME out, doesn't anyone else see this?

T-girl said...

BTW- Is there are reason all of your ads are Scientology ads? Something you want to say?

LA said...

Your narratives are the best! Sounds like you got some sun!

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Pru, if you have this many connections to the Scientology higher-ups, does this mean you will be deemed the Mary Magdalene
of Scientology? Or wait, lets make you a character that doesn't have to sleep with Tom Cruise. Even Katie doesn't have to do that.

Sudiegirl said...

OH LORD...this is too good.

You truly put me to shame, m'dear.

Can I link to you?

Scottsdale Girl said...

Crack -it's so NOT Whack.

PixieGaf said...

Too Funny!
Pru you should warn someone before posting pictures of Lindsay's crotch. That thing is rivaling Paris' for the worst crotch in Hollywood.