Monday, February 26, 2007

Evil Pru Rates the Oscar Fashions

Evil Pru rarely has anything nice to say about anybody. So to help her review these Oscar gowns, we hired Little Richard and this random Geico loving chick.

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Hi y'all! Let's begin.

Gwyneth Paltrow
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Evil Pru: Ugh, fug. It looks like she's wearing the living room drapes. The color is unflattering, her hair is boring, and she's wearing her usual insipid smile. The whole effect reminds me of an ear canal.

L. Richard: Help her! Somebody please help her!

Geico Chick: Perhaps if she switched to Geico she'd have more money to spend on her appearance.

Jennifer Hudson
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Evil Pru: Did Xenu design this dress? Why am I hearing the theme music to "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" in my head? Pockets in a ball gown? Na-nu, na-no.

L. Richard: Good God, y'all! That dress gives me the Heebie Jeebies!

Geico Chick: At Geico we prefer cavemen to spacemen. Thumbs down.

Nicole Kidman
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Evil Pru: Yuck. The dress makes Nicole look like a Christmas candle. Or a nosebleed. Or a bloody ta-- oh nevermind, I'm not going to say that. Prunella will just come back and delete it. She's such a wimp.

L. Richard Tutti frutti. Bama lama bama loo. Is it time for my pills yet?

Geico Chick Oooo I love that gown. The color reminds me of a police car siren. And police car sirens make me think of car wrecks. And car wrecks make me so thankful that Geiko exsists!

Reese Witherspoon
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Evil Pru: Actually that's not too bad. I'd shoplift that dress.

L. Richard: Good golly Miss Molly! The girl can't help it, she looks good!

Geico Chick: The only thing better than that dress is saving money on your car insurance.

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Evil Pru: Hey Geico bitch, knock, knock.

Geico Chick: Who's there?

Evil Pru: Shut the f#*k up!

Geico Chick: That was rude and abusive.

L. Richard: Tee hee.


Ryan said...

The Knock Knock joke sealed the deal on this post!

I was thinkin the same thing Evil Pru - Did Tom Cruise hire a stylist for Jennifer Hudson. I am sure He was pissed that she thanked God 1000 times over and not one thank you to Xenu.

Warning JHud, just like in the Johnny Cash song, God's, no wait,"Xenu's gonna cut you down."

T-girl said...

You know the Jennifer Hudson dress would not have been SO bad had she skipped that horrendous excuse for a JACKET! JACKET who the frick wears a JACKET with a damn ball gown?!?!?! It still would have benifited her NOT to shove her hands in her pockets like a nervous virgin on prom night but it would have been tolerable!

OH! That frickin' Gwennie dress is THE WORST! OMG, when I saw that I was like "VOMITE!" What is horriable is I saw it on BEST dressed list, I could not even open the WORST dressed after that for fear of having heart palputations! What can we expect out of a woman who names her kid APPLE though. She is so vanilla I kind of feel bad for her. Her poor kids have no chance with all that wheatgrass she is feeding them!

Nic might have been ok had she skipped the damn bow... WHAT is up with that damn thing anyways? VERY odd if you ask me!

Oh and sorry she could wear a garbage bag and look good but I really think Reese should give the Little Mermaid her dress back. She can make it work though so I won't knock her!

M-M-M-Mishy said...

This was a great post, but I have to ask, how did you guys skip over the disaster that was Cameron Diaz's dress??

Also, like Ryan, the knock knock joke was the clincher for me.

prunella jones said...

Ryan- You are so right. Xenu is not a benevolent god. He will shoot her ass full of laser beams for not giving him credit.

T- I loved the dress on Reese. She looks great that shade. (Also one of my favorite colors) There were so many dresses worth talking about. If only I weren't so lazy I would have made this post much longer.

prunella jones said...

Mish- Cameron looked like a demented bridesmaid.

Diane said...

reese looked hot - so did diane keaton - for the first time ever. . . i kinda liked gwyn's dress, but can't stand her or her over one shoulder hair. and how does my boyfriend/stalkee Chris Martin get out of these things? Guy gets dragged out by madge

joy said...

I love how CoJo said Paltrow's gown looked like granny stockings.

Scottsdale Girl said...

I hated the double bow dress on whatsherface...

GetFlix said...

Is it me, or has Reese been bumped-up the hot scale?

I can't stand Fishsticks. Ugg.

Ryan said...

Flix - Reese was looking super hot. Like 10x more hot that usual. I don't know what she did! If I were str8, the things I think I would do to her.