Attention all bloggers. I am the evil side of Prunella Jones and I am taking over this new blog. You may call me Evil Pru of course, since that is my name.
Those Scientologists really messed up Prunella. She's been sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth and mumbling "Meep meep," ever since they left. I don't care since now I am free to do and say what I want! Those medications she takes to make me go away are such a bummer. I'm tired of being stifled. Here's what I think about what's been going on lately.
Anna Nicole dead Enough! I've had enough of this! This is not some big tragedy. Anna Nicole was just a trailer park whore with big, fake, boobs who got lucky. She was not Princess Diana. She was not Marilyn Monroe. At least Marilyn made a few good movies and bagged a baseball hero, a Pulitzer winner, and a couple of Kennedies. Who did Anna do? A short blonde photographer, a skanky lawyer, an ugly bodyguard, and Zsa Zsa's husband? Ick. Anna was as dumb as a rock and doesn't deserve all this fuss. Prunella's heart bleeds for poor little Dannielynn. She thinks it's sad that the baby will be fought over by people who only want to get their hands on her money. Although I would enjoy seeing a Maury Povitch paternity special with all these losers, I say let Angelina adopt her already and let's move on.
Kim Kardashian's sex tape Oh no, another "celebrity" has had a sex tape stolen and now it's for sale. What a shocker! Why she'll sue she will. What a bunch of crap. I for one am sick of this nonsense. If you want to be a porn star, go ahead and be a porn star. Don't try and pretend to be upset. We all know that you and Ray J did this to further your "careers." (Yes these are Britney style air quotes.) Kim is a dumb skank who's only claim to fame is being Paris's friend of the moment. Ray J is just plain ugly. He looks like Brandy with muscles, and he humps like a retarded dog. Only in America would someone be proud to get famous for being peed on.
The whole skinny model controversy I'm tired of the whole debate about whether the fashion industry is to blame for models dying of anorexia. Of course it's to blame! Designers want models who are built like coat hangers to make their clothes look good. Why? Because they are lazy and untalented. Anybody can make a dress look pretty on a hanger but it takes real flair to make a dress that will make an average body look good. Why anyone want to pay huge bucks for clothes that only flatter an eighty pound skeleton is beyond me. Hey you stupid sheep, quit starving yourselves to fit into that overrated ugly crap. Don't buy it or the fashion magazines that try to cram it down our throats and then maybe things will change. When Anna Wintour dies and goes to hell she will be forced to spend eternity wearing a stained sweatsuit that can barely contain her 2oo pound cellulitic ass.
The love crazed astronaunt story Any chick who would drive 900 miles in a diaper to go beat down a ho is crazy. This bitch's brain chemicals are seriously out of whack. She just needs a little Lithium or something and she'll be fine. However I've got to give her props for her oh so brilliant plan. Bitch is educated! Couldn't she have thought up a better way of getting rid of her competition? Please, anyone who's ever read a true crime book could have told her using pepper spray to kidnap someone is weak. She put more thought into containing her bodily wastes. One of America's best and brightest has now become the poster girl for Pampers.
The Sarah Silverman Program Prunella caught this show the other day before she got hypnotised by Xenu. It is completely disgusting and stupid. In just one episode Sarah managed to make fun of gays, old black women, queefing, karate, ghosts, the homeless, and insanity. I think I'm in love.
Well this was fun but I think it's time to go wake Prunella out of her stupor. Or at least wipe the drool off of her chin. It's Valentine's Day and I really need to go cause some mischief. Hhhhhm let's see, shall I send some flowers to the old fart next door with the jealous cow of a wife, thanking him for a good time? Maybe I should go preform a striptease for the hardworking bag boys at the Kroger? Shoplift some sex toys for el Hombre? Yep, nothing says love like a new cock ring.
Happy Valentine's Day to all you sexy bloggers out there! Don't forget to be wicked!