This is the gentlemen's club that my boss, the Mighty Midget, built.
It is also where I now work.
This is the guy who bought the gentlemen's club from the Mighty Midget. His name is Captain Peanut. He hates to talk and communicates mostly through large signs.
This is the new jello wrestling pit that Captain Peanut installed in the gentlemen's club. He says participation is mandatory.
This is the current Jello Wrestling Champion. I'm scheduled to fight her on Saturday night. Her name is Donna, and she told me she cannot wait to kick my ass.
This is my cool new phone. I'm going to use it to call in sick on Saturday. Unless you have a better suggestion????
30 comments:
Ooh, I love the champ. Can I have her number?
GASP! Tell me, tell me, TELL ME, that I haven't missed "Boobiefest 2007"! I see its being held at the Boobie Barn this year. Did you know I was the BoobieFest 2002 first runner up? And I would have been crowned Queen if that skank, Debbie Double D, hadn't hidden my lacy demi-cup for the finale. What a bitch!
Mister U- I'm not really sure what her number is, and I dare not ask her. But I believe you can find it in the men's bathroom at Classy Earl's place. It's under the words, "If you call this number you be killed."
Mish- oh I've heard about that hooch Debbie Double D. She IS a vicious one. I'm sure you would have gotten the crown if she hadn't sabatoged you. This year Twyla Thunder Tits is expected to win it, but I have my hopes.
I suggest you call in your resignation. I've never been to Nashville, but I would imagine that there are a few other gentlemen's clubs to choose from.
Nice phone.
Holy hell, where do you find this stuff?
That champ is one scary looking piece of equipment.
Is the name Mr Peanut indicitive of any part of his anatomy?
Call in sick on Saturday definitely! We still want you around and your proposed opponent doesn't look like she (he?) fights fair.
There is really a place called The Boobie Barn! Un-freakin-believable!
You are so funny, Pru! MJ
If you could somehow trick Britania into standing in for you, you could kill two birds with one stone!
Well, I guess "The Boobie Barn" can't be all that bad.
I used to work at "Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace" as a mop boy for the peep shows.
Green Jello is so 2006. Orange is the new Green.
Then again it is a gentlemen's club, and those straight boys don't give a shit about the color scheme.
Dan- well of course there are other gentlemen's clubs, but they aren't quite as high class as The Boobie Barn. I do have standards you know.
Brenda- she's scary all right. And unfortunately she overheard a thoughtless remark I made about how much she looked like a man. I'm worried she will hold my head under that jello until I die. That would be an awful way to go.
Ffleur- he truely looks like a Captain Peanut, doesn't he?
MJ- of course there is! I shake it there every Thurs, Fri, and Saturday night. And sometimes on Tues afternoons.
ablondeblogger- that is an excellent idea. I think Britinia could give Donna a run for her money. She probably will someday.
beefcake- a mop boy, eh? That's pretty hardcore. I guess you earned every penny of your salary.
Ryan- I know! I tried to tell Capt. Peanut that, but no one listens to me. I was actually pushing for blue jello as that color is much more flattering to my complexion.
Uh oh. There's another MJ. That one who commented previously isn't me. Unless I've been sleepblogging.
This means I may have to break down and get me an avatar, doesn't it?
MJ- I think the pic of you in the freakin green elf shorts would be perfect.
Sigh. You're really 'the champ', aren't you?
Pru, that's exactly what I was thinking!
give her a shot of estrogen and watch her melt
Mister U- yes, you've figured it out. Now get over here and service me boy!
MJ- or the cigar pic. Nah, the elf shorts is much better.
Diane- that would be an interesting sight.
Yes, the cigar was my second choice.
Pru, you know me too well! Eerie.
Eeks!
I'm skeered of Donna!
I think I'd call in dead.
She's gonna put the Labia Lock on your skinny ass!! Run Pru, run!!
OK, that bodybuilder woman is just flat scary. Wrestle me instead. I'm much more normal looking.
OMG, Pru, I hope you're still around (it's Saturday almost eve)...
Myth: the bigger they come, the harder they fall...blah blah
Fact: You gotta be faster oh fair-tressed sister.
Myth: Stay on the offensive and fight fair
Fact: Bite and use illegal takedowns, that bitch is huuuuge.
Myth: One cannot breathe under Jello
Fact: Ok, that's a fact.
A couple of my personalities have suggestions for your fight with Donna. Since I'm in a motel with a barely functioning computer, I'll give you the abridged version of their comments.
murderous misanthrope suggested you cut Donna’s guts out with a nail file and eat a few of them so other potential opponents will know not to fuck with you.
malevolent misanthrope liked that idea but said a linoleum knife would be a better weapon than a nail file.
murderous misanthrope said he only suggested a nail file because “it’s the kind of thing a chick would have on her most of the time.”
magnanimous misanthrope suggested you ought to pray for Donna instead.
murderous misanthrope then stabbed magnanimous misanthrope in the ear with a bic pen, causing blood to spray out all over the place.
malevolent misanthrope laughed for a few minutes and suggested you ought to stab Donna in the ear or possibly the eye with a pen instead of gutting her.
miraculous misanthrope walked across a swimming pool and healed magnanimous misanthrope’s injuries by snapping his fingers.
murderous misanthrope got really pissed off and broke a coffee table.
melancholy misanthrope showed up long enough to say something about life being pointless and then took a bunch of pills and went to sleep in his room with a looped My Dying Bride CD blasting.
mossback misanthrope asked miraculous misanthrope to “magic some chewing tobacco stains out of his shirt” and then said he still thought knifing with a broken bottle was the best defense.
meticulous misanthrope brought out some battle plans he drew up to aid you in your match with Donna. He said he devised a new martial art for you to use, based on seventeen existing martial arts from around the world.
While meticulous misanthrope gave his Powerpoint presentation on this new fighting style, everyone else fell asleep, and murderous misanthrope wandered off and stepped on a family of squirrels living in the bushes outside of the motel room.
I don’t know if any of that will help you in your fight with Donna or if you’re even going to fight her at all, but good luck with your Saturday night regardless.
dear god, Donna looks like she'd eat you for breakfast.
Hey, where'd you find that picture of my mom?
MJ great (twisted) minds think alike.
Bent Fabric- yikes!
LA- not half as skeered as me. I just got a new $800 weave put in. No way would I let that get messed up.
GF- you know it! Luckily I was clever enough to weasle my way out of the fight with a doctor's note.
Helen- I'm still here. I like you myths vs. facts. Very helpful.
Morbid- I'm glad your personalities decided to move with you. It sounds like they are taking good care of you in that motel room. Well...at least you are not alone anyhow.
I wish Miraculous Misanthrope was around me right now. I've got a paper cut that I'd love for him to magic away for me. It hurts like a bitch!
Oh and Mrs. Danvers says hello. Well technically she just hissed and made the sign of the evil eye, but I'm sure that she wishes you well. Maybe.
Ms. Smack- I think she eats rattlesnakes for breakfast, but she'd be happy to use me for a toothpick.
Anandamide- Donna is your mom?! See I knew that bitch was lying when she said she was only 22.
Wow - so that's what all your veins look like when they're pumped up at once.
Damn...
Sudie- makes you want to run out and buy some steroids, huh?
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