I've been tagged by everyone's favorite lollipop lover, Anandamide with the question "If you were left alone on a deserted island, which celebrity would you choose to spend time with?"
As you can see this is serious question which requires some thought and effort, which I am feeling much too lazy to do. Since my immediate answer, Johnny Depp, is a bit dull and unimaginative, I thought I'd ask a few email buddies for their suggestions and weigh the pros and cons of each. Here are their choices:
1) Stephen Colbert- comedian, star of The Colbert Report.
PROS: He is hilarious and cute as a button. I would so love to give him a lap dance and pull his glasses off. I bet he'd blush like crazy.
CONS: The George Bush jokes might get a little old after a while. Plus he looks kind of wimpy. Between the two of us we might have a hard time surviving a deserted island.
2) Pete Doherty - singer, druggie, ex of Kate Moss
PROS: He would be sure to have plenty of drugs with him, which could help pass the time while we waited for rescue. If we ran out of drugs I could probably get high for the next few years just from licking his skin.
CONS: Too numerous to list.
3) Sigmund Freud - the "father of psychoanalysis." Yes, he is dead but the meme didn't rule out historical celebs. This is what you get when you ask a college professor for her suggestion.
PROS: Stuck on an island, we would have plenty of time to work on my issues.
CONS: I don't want to work on my issues. I'd rather pop a pill like everyone else.
4) Bear Grylls - British mountaineer and host of the show Man vs. Wild
PROS: Oh yeah, now this was a great suggestion! Bear would build me a condo out palm fronds and volcanic rock and figure out how to make wine from coconuts. Plus.....YEOW, he's smokin hot. I'd never want to be rescued.
CONS: Is there a con here? I did see him drink his own urine once on an episode of his TV show, but that's not a real big deal.
5> Jay Leno - host of The Tonight Show, comic. This suggestion came from my mother BTW.
PROS: According to my mom, Leno is, "cute, sweet, so funny, and I bet he has a large package." (I told you the woman is sex obsessed).
CONS: Not really my cup of tea, though he does seem like a really nice person. I saw him once at a coffee shop in Burbank and he spent half an hour signing autographs and chatting with people, which was pretty cool of him.
6) Wilson - beach ball, star of the movie Cast Away
PROS: Good conversationalist
CONS: unfortunately too round. I'd need something a little more phallic shaped.
So after weighing the pros and cons of each of these celebrities I think I will pick......Johnny Depp! No, actually I'd like to be shipwrecked with all of them so that way they could worship me as their queen and I'd never get bored or sexually frustrated. Thanks to everyone who was nice enough to return my email.
Now comes the fun part. Who shall I tag with this assignment? Normally I never tag people since I'm all cool and laid back like that. I just say "Do it if you want to." But today I am feeling especially evil and bitchy since I've been trying to ween myself off of caffeine (or at least the massive quantities of caffeine that I usually injest). So....who shall it be? Let me think....okay here we go, I am going to tag LA, Diane, Mister Underhill, Memphis Steve, Scottsdale Girl, and Helen. And what's more, I am hereby tagging anyone who regularly visits this blog but never comments. You lurkers know who you are. Say something or suffer the wrath of (cue the sound effects) "The Great and Terrible Desert Island Meme". Muyhahahahahaha.
36 comments:
I see your point about bringing the bunch around, but I'd cut Colbert and Freud (Colbert would start to whine after a couple of days and stop being funny and Freud, on top of dolling out bogus psychiatric advice would try to hoard all the drugs - apparently he was quite a coke freak).
Also, you'd have to kill Pete pretty quickly (i.e. the first time he nods off). Otherwise he'd rather kill than share his drugs.
Hhhm those are good suggestions, Anandamide. We could kill Pete, and turn him into strips of psychedelic jerky. I bet one little square would be the equivalent of 30 hits of acid. It would be cool to see what theories Freud could come up with after one of those trips.
I don't count as a celebrity? Sigh.
I will try to force myself to do the tag thing. I know every time I refuse to do one an malasian child gets sold off as a factory worker and all.
I'd think Colbert woulg get annoying fast, and I'm pretty sure you'd be forced to eat leno in the first few days to avoid going completely insane.
I don't know who I'd choose. The problem with choosing really hot celebrity women is that they might choose to die celebate rather than sleep with me. Otherwise I might choose lindsay lohan, but if only having her conversation alone would be what happened then that would be like one of those twilight zone episodes where you think you are in heaven but it turns out to be hell. But, who am I kidding? Obviously Lohan is a sex addict. The only question is how severe her herpes are...and why don't they call them hispes? I always wondered that.
For me freud would be a bad idea. Freud himself stated that the Irish are immune to therapy.
Sorry, Mister U, but it does specifically call for a celebrity. If guys who are mildly famous in the seedy strip bars of Las Vegas were allowed, then obviously you would be my first choice.
It's true that Leno and Colbert might get annoying fast. They'd probably constantly try to out funny each other and then they might go all Brokeback Mountain on me. Bear and I would have to put them to work making alcohol out of sea urchin blood.
I think Freud could be helpful. He could probably give you some great insight into your threeway with a mother and daughter fantasy/delusion.
Can't wait to see what you come up with for this meme.
CONS: I don't want to work on my issues. I'd rather pop a pill like everyone else.
HAHAhaha! Amen to that! (raising my crack pipe and saluting you)
Now mark this day on your calendars. 'Cause I am coming out, right here and now! That's right, I AM COMING OUT. I ... am ... a ... l ... lll ... llllll ... lurker. There. I said it. It feels so much better just being myself.
P.S. Your blog always gives me a good tickle.
Fuck.
Alright you are soooo gonna make my brain hurt.
Is Uma Thurman still a celebrity? She looks like she would enjoy the beach and her cleavage could nurture me under the starlit sky.
Bottleblonde- thank you for coming out. I appreciate it. You escape the wrath of the dreaded Desert Island Meme for now. But I am writing down your name for future tagging purposes.
SG- take one of your Vicodin and let me have one while your at it. I can't wait to see who'll be your island.
GF- Uma will work. I'm kinda surprised, I thought you would pick Britney for sure.
It's my first time here, but I am brave and will comment. I pick Orlando Bloom, because I can rotate him between elf and pirate. Now I won't get bored!
Oh, I shall get you for this, my pretty. You and your little dog, too! What a world! What a world! Oh!
Mad props for throwing Freud and Wilson into the same list. Cheers to be an educated pop culture enthusiast.
How about Steven Segal? Wasn't he in the CIA or something? He would probably know some good getting-off-an-island tricks. The problem with most celebrities is that they don't know how to do anything. Most of them can't even act or sing. I would want a celebrity who could build boats or perform surgery with seashells.
Well, you're right, I can't even muster a little irritation for this meme, b/c I think about this all the time...well, not with celebrities exactly, but people I meet in general. I've got a running list of folks I would not mind establishing a desert island culture with. Will have to give this some serious consideration...
LOL! Loving this interactive post! We need more interactive posts.
Moi- thank you for visiting. I agree, Orlando Bloom does make a sexy elf.
Memphis Steve- do your worst, old man.
Sarah Moffet- Great name! Pop culture is one of my favorite things.
Captain Smack- Steven Seagal???? Are you trying to make me hurl?
You make a good point about skills. A doctor would probably come in handy on an island. I should have included Dr. House on the list.
Helen- I am sure you will come up with someone very interesting. That's why I tagged you.
Brenda- thanks for your participation, toots. It was brilliant!
Dr. House. Mmmmmmmmmmm ... I may need a moment.
K. I'm back. Lurve me some Freud, too.
What about Mozart? He'd be a hoot, plus you'd have never ending music.
Just get him some meds for the syphilis first.
Mozart - piano = crazy, bipolar Austrian dude with nothing to do all day.
It's up. :)
You should obviously choose Pete. Because where ever Pete is, Kate Moss isn't far behind (every girl needs her dealer!). When she eventually finds you and Pete together, she'll probably start a fight with you. However, being that she is 53lbs, and you obviously have some fighting skills as you've taken on Britinia, you'll be the victor. Then you can use her bones to build a raft to sail home. Ta-da!
OK...Pete Doherty scares the piss out of me. I'm sorry...he looks like someone's been slippin' him heroin since pre-school.
I'm taggin' myself for this li'l meme.
OK, it's done. I have embraced your tag and done my very own meme. You own me a blow job.
I bet you could convince Freud to have sex with you. He was forced into abstinence at age 39...no wonder he was so pre-occupied with it.
Damn you, Prunella!
GREAT call on Bear Grylls
The only reason I'd bring Leno on my island is to BBQ him up over a spit.
Moi- Dr. House makes me swoon. I need him to check out my tingling loins.
Captain- well, I did see that movie Amadeus. Mozart looked like he'd be fun to hang out with for a while and then you'd want to smack him. Without a piano he'd probably make music from plam fronds.
SG- cool! Thanks for playing.
Mish- you lucked out, Missy. The only reason I didn't tag you was because I figured you were busy moving. You are at the top of the list for next time!
Sudie- Pete looks harmless to me. I bet he has terrible breath tho.
Sweet! Do the meme.
Memphis- very good, it was good for me too. But the bj will not be happening anywhere outside of your dreams.
Duchess- 39, eh? Harsh. That explains a lot of things.
LA- Bear is the hotness, isn't he?
I don't understand the Leno thing, either. That was my mom's call. But then I'm not a horny 60 year old lady like she is.
Leno doesn't exactly fit into mom's Jungle Fever phase, does he?
Frankly, Wilson has GOT to be the best pick . . . I'm off to take you up on my tag
Prunella: Oh, I'm very busy procrastinating on my packing. Actuallly, no, I am mostly packed. I'm moving Friday afternoon. Yipes! Thanks for the break this time.
I'm not sure why I said you 'own' me a blowjob anyway. What exactly would that mean? Apparently I was typing with my penis.
LA- she also expressed appreciation for Denzel, but then who doesn't like him? I thought Leno was funnier tho.
Diane- Wilson is the man.
Mish- happy moving.
Memphis Steve- well it is hard to type when you are in a straightjacket. It does require you to use another body part to hit the keys. Tongues, nose, penis, whatever works.
One pro about Leno....oral sex with him would be interesting with that chin!
I agree with Wilson (sometimes silence is golden), Bear (a handy man is good to have) and Johnny Depp (shag anyone?) but I'm afraid the others would drive me crazy.
Freud will probably send me to suicide with all his talk of female "hysteria", Colbert and I don't see eye-to-eye because I know panda bears are superior to eagles (or whatever it is), and Pete would just be whinning for drugs then probably die and I don't want to dig a grave 6 feet deep - too much physical work.
Jay Leno would probably annoy the hell out of me with his high whinning voice. I'd be forced to bounce poor Wilson off his head then send Freud to analyze him (heheheheh yeah, that would get him).
ablondeblogger- ah hah, so that's what my mom was thinking! It all makes sense now. What a little minx you are.
Ffleur- I think you should do this meme as well. I am hereby tagging you!
Freud would turn into a total dick when he ran out of tobacco. I bet a cigar is just a cigar when you're having a serious nic fit, Freud, you goddamned pervert.
Hmmmm. Calling someone a pervert suggests a strong Oral agressive personality. I suggest a few years of daily therapy so you can graduate to an Oedipus Complex.
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