1. Who is Brandon Davis?
A. The grandson of the late billionaire oil tycoon Marvin Davis.
B. Paris Hilton's sycophant and occasional fuck buddy.
C. The person who gave Lindsay Lohan the nickname "firecrotch."
D. An oily bohunk.
E. All of the above.
2. If you told Brandon he was perspicacious, you would be saying that he is:
A. Smart
B. Sweaty
C. Stupid
D. Sexy
3. Brandon has more money than Lindsay Lohan. Paris has more money than Brandon. Therefore, Lindsay is the poorest.
A. True
B. False
4. Which word best completes the following series? Feculent, toilet, straining, ______
A. Burrito
B. Fart
C. Butt cheek
D. Fragrant
E. They're all good.
5. Assume these two statements are true: All oil heirs are greasy. Brandon is an oil heir. Therefore the statement, Brandon is an unctuous doofus is _____
A. True
B. False
6. If you rearrange the letters I R E C R O T F I C H you would have the name of:
A. An ocean
B. An animal
C. A disease
D. Promises newest resident
7. Quaff is to Bacchanalia as Valtrex is to Paris Hilton?
A. True
B. False
C. Huh?
8. Brandon and Paris are going to meet each other halfway between their homes for a party at midnight. They live twenty miles apart. Brandon will be leaving at 11:30 p.m. and driving his Porsche at 52 mph. Paris will be leaving at 11:40 p.m. and driving her Mercedes at 65 mph. Assuming they are equally drunk, who will be the first to get a DUI?
A. Paris
B. Brandon
C. Neither, Britney will get one next.
9. Brandon wants to get fucked up. He doesn't have much cash on him, therefore he needs to get the most intoxication from the money he has. His choices today are: a bottle of vodka for $38, 1/4 gram of meth for $25, a stinky bag of weed for $60, a tube of glue and a paper bag $5. Which did Brandon choose?
A. All of them.
B. A
C. Brandon only snorts the finest cocaine.
10. Complete this sentence: "Cause I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I'm ________"
A. wanted dead or alive.
B. about to fall on my ass.
C. a complete tool.
D. sick of this dumb quiz.
Answers: 1.E,2.A,3.A,4.B,5.A,6.D,7.C,8.A,9.B,10.D
Scoring: 8-10 correct = Hawt
4-8 correct = Whatever
0-4 correct = Like soo unhawt. You must be poor.
Bonus: Not every blog post I write is this moronic. Not every dumb thing I think is funny will make you laugh. Therefore, we can conclude that this post will not make you laugh.
A. True
B. Every post you write IS this moronic if not worse.
C. Shut up and go take your medication.
18 comments:
Pru, I think you've recently taken either geometry or an IQ test. No matter, I'm always lmao when I read your posts. Brava, chica!
p.s. I scored HAWT!
I think the only tests Brandon has ever taken have been STD tests.
I also scored in the HAWTEST percentile. And my tenth grade math teacher said I wouldn't amount to anything...
This was the first test I aced since that EPT back in college. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Prunella, brilliant as usual.
Totally hawt. Sexy. Loves it.
I scored HAWT as well!
An extra credit question should have been given and the question should have been,
How do you spell Brandon's last name.
Tre difficult.
Oh, shut up and go take your medication... That reminds me that I have to go take mine as well.
Wow. I haven't learned this much since that one time a bright light from the sky hit me between the eyes, instantly teaching me math. But shortly thereafter, a rubber bullet hit me between the eyes, instantly making me forget math ... and basic motor skills.
Seeing offspring like Brandon Davis reminds me why I never had children
LA- nah, I think IQ tests are kinda silly. I may be bitter tho, since I always get a very low score. Usually somewhere between "Slack-Jawed Yokel" and "Are you Sure You're Breathing?" I did however score a perfect ten on the quiz I just took in OCD Monthly entitled "Are you washing your hands enough?"
Mish- I was reading on the CDC website recently that between the two of them, Brandon and Paris have created a very cunning strain of super STD that is resistant to every drug, disinfectant, and pesticide known to man. That's quite an accomplishment!
Kookla- oh the dreaded EPT. I remember taking one of those when I first suspected I was pregnant with Ozzie Danzig. Instead of turning blue for positve like it was supposed to, the stick levitated across the room and then exploded. That's when I knew there was something not quite right about the baby. I hope Tom and Katie are taking good care of him.
Ryan- of course you scored hawt. Your alter ego is named "the Hawtness" right? I'm not so sure about the spelling of Brandon's last name. Is D-O-U-C-H-E spelled with one E or two?
Morbid- Lucky! In college I prayed for a white light to hit me with some math skills. It never happened though so I had to earn my A's the old fashioned way, on my knees. Too bad about the rubber bullet but it's your own fault. You should really stay away from those Phish concerts and hippie tree hugging conventions. They're full of hooligans!
Diane- I'm glad you've returned! How was Hawaii? Did you bring me back any Maui-wowee?
1. e (all of them)
2. A (cheated & used dictionary)
3. A (true)
4. E (all good)
5. A (true)
6. D
7. A (true)
8. Lily Allen (because now she is claiming to be an alcoholic)
9. A (all)
10. A (wanted but only if dead)
I guess I'm close enough to hawt because its 80 fricken degrees in this apt!
I thought I was totally hawt, but I didn't get a single answer right. I'm so depressed, I think I'll go and join the Church of Scientology.
WHY IS HE SO OILY??????
Ffleur- you are definately hawt enough to hang out with the beautiful people and/or those with air conditioning. I'm surprised to hear it gets hot in Canada. I always picture it snowing there. But then again everything I know about Canada I learned from Bob and Doug MacKenzie's movie.
C. Smack- Oh Captain, my Captain! Please don't go joining that cult. Just go get yourself a mystic tan and you'll be fine. I was only kidding about smart=hawt. Everybody knows it's is all about how you look anyway. And you look like Jesus! (that's hawt)
Brenda- I don't know, but he is absolutely engorged with oil. I think if you wrung him out you could fill a barrel with his drippings and he would be twenty pounds lighter.
I wonder if he'll visit Paris. Surely a man of his caliper could find a way to support his ex-girlfriend.
He is just....ew.
GF- why bother? I predict she'll be out in five days.
SG- Yes indeed.
Girl you are just too much! That guy gives me the heebie jeebies! He was kind of cute before he got fat and fell into a vat of fry oil though.
BTW- I forgot to meantion, when I saw that steal bull and him the song "I want to be a cowboy" came into my head... remember that song, circa 1980 something, my 4th grade teacher use to sing it "I want to be a cowboy, and you can be my cowpie" I think that version fits Brandie.... that is with an ie btw, remember that, with a "Y" would be feminine!
T- I wouldn't doubt that he smells like a cowpie. "Cowpie" is such a funny word. It makes me want to snicker like a twelve year old.
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