Yes, it's time once again for another installment of The Prunella Jones Story starring Britney Spears as Pru. Today our plucky young heroine finds herself all alone, much like McCauley Culkin in that kiddie movie where he slapped both hands on his face and screamed adorably.
Guess what, y'all? I just dropped my mom off at the airport. She's gone to visit my brother in San Diego for a month or three. Do you know what that means? It means I have the house all to myself for the first time in ages.
It's so cool! Freedom! Now I won't have to hide in the closet to smoke pot! Woot!
She's been living with me for so long now I'd almost forgotten what it's like to be alone. I'm so used to having her around nattering on and on and on - she loves to chatter - that the place seems unnaturally quiet now. Not that I ever listened to her, mind you. It was more like a soothing background noise. Sort of like the teacher talking to Charlie Brown in those holiday specials, "Womp womp a wompa womp." All I'd have to do was throw in a "yes ma'am," or "uh huh" once in a while and we were good. Strange, but I'm kinda missing that.
Although now I can wander around the house in nothing but a fake fur coat, eating Doritos dipped in cottage cheese and flash the neighbors without having to hear a lecture on good nutrition or the necessity of bras. Seems like a pretty good trade off.
In fact, now I'll be able to crank up the music as loud as I want when I'm singing and dancing along with Toxic and pretending to be a contestant on America's Next Top Model. It's hard to practice smiling with your eyes and pouting in the mirror when someone is complaining that she can't hear Oprah.
I'm gonna shake my moneymaker! Shake, shake, shake!
OMG y'all, I just realized that I won't have to slut around town anymore. I can get my freak on right here in my own home like any normal, grown up slut who doesn't have a 62 year old, Martha Stewart-obsessed roommate. I can totally turn this place into a sex dungeon if I want to. Hmmmmm. Where did I leave that whip? Oh yeah, it's over at John Mayer's house. Duh!
You know, I love the woman to death. I really do, but she kinda......cramps my style if you know what I mean. (wink, wink)
I'm really going to enjoy having this dump to myself. Maybe Mom will stay in San Diego till Spring. Heh heh, party at Pru's house tonight!
Well, I'm off to take a shower now and....wait a minute, the shower is looking a bit mildewy. Ewwwww. And it looks like there aren't any clean towels. Hey MOOOOOOOOM? Oh crap.....she's not here. It looks like I'm going to have to do all the housework by myself. That sucks! Me no like cleaning! What day does she get home again?
Will Prunella turn the house into a sex dungeon? A really filthy one since she hates to clean? Will her mother return to find the house littered with random kinksters handcuffed to the wall and a whole lot of dust? And which would upset her more?
The answers to these questions and more will probably not be found in the next episode of The Prunella Jones Story. But y'all come on back anyway, okay?