Here's one of me as a precious newborn with Grandpa. My mom said I cried constantly throughout the first few months of my life, and looking at this picture I can see why. I didn't want HUGS! Geez.
Hard as it may be to believe, I wasn't always supermodel gorgeous. Like many kids, I definitely went through an awkward stage. Oh well, at least my jazz hands were always fierce!
Ah memories. This one's from high school when I won the Miss Inland Empire Poultry Princess pageant. Check out the bitch in pink, you can tell she's choking with jealousy over losing to me. The very next day she tried to steal my boyfriend, but I fixed her good. I started a rumor that she was born with balls and a teeny peen and soon everyone was calling her Tammy the Tranny. Ha ha ha! After that, she got knocked up by this crazy homeless vet named Gimpy who lived behind the roller rink, and then she dropped out of school. I wonder what she's up to now?
That's Grandmaw Jones at Christmas. She's so easy to buy presents for.
Here I am as a rebellious young teen hanging out with my Uncle Frank at his trailer in Hemet. God, just look at that picture! It's so crazy! I mean, can you believe I actually used to drink Bud Light? Eww!
Oh yeah, this one's from my wedding. Did I tell you I got married once? Probably not, it's a really sad story. You see, immediately after we exchanged vows, my new husband was abducted by a UFO. It was incredibly traumatic, as the aliens beamed up all the champagne along with him. And it was the spendy stuff too, not cheap swill! We got a discount because his cousin owned a liquor store. I was utterly heartbroken and still am.
Damn you, aliens, for taking away the only man I'll ever love!!! Oh Sam, I'll never forget you,... ur...shit, I mean Stan. That's right, Stan. The best 45 minutes of my life was the time I spent as Mrs. Stan....um...I think it started with a B. I'll ask my mom, she'll know.
Hmmmm, I think this pic is from the 2008 Gathering of the Juggalos festival. Or maybe 2007...anyway, good times. Woo woo, Riverside 'Lo's representin', y'all!
Hey, this one is pretty recent too. LOL, I don't even know who these people are. I was just shopping for rugs one day after visiting the wig store, and noticed this group of hipsters getting photographed, so of course I jumped in.
My shades are definitely the hawtest, don't you agree?
17 comments:
I love your handywork.
This is the kind of weirdness I crave. Bravo!
Oh, and can I have your grandma's number?
Wish aliens would have abducted my husband. It would have saved me years of hell and torture. Him too.
Almost enough to make my family look "normal" by comparison. Hahah
In the Juggalos pix, that's little Tucksworth on the blanket isn't it? Gosh, I miss that little scamp!
You are a piece of work girl, and I love the way your mind works. Grampa scares the bajesus out of me though.
Oh yeah, love the pink wig. Please tell me you actually really own a pink wig.
Wow, no wonder you became a stripper with a pervie grandpa like that.
Hey, that's my uncle too! Wait a minute...
Zibbs - hey, someone's got to keep Blingee in operation.
Some Guy - I curtsy to you, kind sir. Sure, you can have Gran's number. It's 867-5309, just ask for Jenny and tell her I said hello.
Cora - those dang aliens! Why can't they come back here and scoop up all the assholes instead of the good guys like Sam?....er Stan, I meant.
Legal Mist - when it comes to mental illness, no one can keep up with the Jones family.
XL - good eye! ;)
Diane - I have several wigs in different styles and colors and one of them is pink, yes.
John - staring at a clown face in your first months of life is enough to fuck anybody up.
Lost - cousin Joey, is that you? I didn't see you at the Gathering of the Juggalos. I did see Aunt Mavis and Uncle Pearl there tho.
OMG! Six more marriages and I'm totally there!!!! Right? I am still husband number eight aren't I?
I would totally wear that pink wig yo.
xo
Ha! These pics are hilarious, as is the commentary (natch). How long does it take you to do those blingee pics?
By the way, there's an award for you over on my blog. Enjoy!!
Cool, thanks!
Ah ...... I have no comment.
Dear God! That first pic has traumatised me for life!!
And somebody should've told the bitch in pink that nobody can pull that Jane Seymour pose off whilst clutching a chicken ... not even Jane Seymour.
Awesome pics, Pru.
Between the boxing trunks, the sappy t-shirt, and the clown makeup, your grandpa deserves his own horror movie franchise.
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