Saturday, August 22, 2009

Restless Hearts: A Soap Opera

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It had been a long, hawt day for the residents of Casa de Prunella. But even as the sun sank into the sky, the heat index was rising higher and higher...thanks to the restless hearts inside...

(Cue the cheesy music)




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In vain have I struggled. This will not do. Stripeyhead, you must allow me to tell you how much I admire and love you.



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What? Jackie...what are you saying?


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I'm saying, I want you. I must have you! Oh, I know it's wrong, but I can't resist. You are like my own personal brand of catnip!


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But...are you sure? No, we can't...this is madness!



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Look into my eyes and tell me you don't want me.


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Oh God, I do! Lord help me, but I do!


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Well, why don't you come over here and show me, honey?


Door opens.


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Wha...what the hell is going on in here? Jackie? What are you doing with this tramp?


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Oh shit!


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Excuse me? Who are you calling a tramp?


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I'm calling you a tramp. Whore!


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Bitch!


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Jackie! Are you just going to sit there and let your slut insult me like that?


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Baby please, baby, don't be like that. I can expla--

SLAP!


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Ooff!


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Groan... Damn, that woman can hit hard!

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That's it! I've had it with you, you cad! You've humiliated me for the last time, Jackie. We're through!


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Hey guys, guess what! I can lick my nose!

Um...am I interrupting something?


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Why yes, Shirley, you are. You see, I was just getting ready to call this ass an ass and smack the shit out of him.


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Naw Girl, listen up. You are the one I--

SLAP!


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Ooof!


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I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Never talk to me again!


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Wow. Guess what, Jackie? I think Stripey is mad at you. And so is Mae Mae. And my butt itches and I have fleas and some of them just jumped on you.


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Oh, woe is me! My heart is broken. And so is my schnozzle! The pain...the humiliation...the fleas...how can I go on? How can I...zzzzzzzzzzzzz.


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Dang these fleas!

Uh, Jackie? Do you see that weird light in the sky? It looks like...


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Oh my god! Aliens!!!

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Can Jackie's heart ever mend? What about his schnozzle? Did aliens just attack? And will Shirley ever be able to get rid of her fleas???

Find out on the next episode of Restless Hearts!

22 comments:

Mr. Condescending said...

Prunella, I've just laughed harder than I EVER have at a post before. This was hysterical!

#1 funniest post!

Some Guy said...

$20 says Shirley has an evil twin.


Oh, and Carlin is a god, by the way.

diane said...

"Hey look guys, I can lick my nose", I think I just peed a little, snort.

Bill Stankus said...

Just tell me, do those kats live in a double wide trailer?

Soda and Candy said...

Ahahahahahahahaha, this is the best thing I saw on the internet today!!!

Hi!

UBERMOUTH said...

Is this going to turn into a pet porno serial?

Great post.

xl said...

I am very proud of Jackie becoming quite the lady's man! He just needs a little luck. And maybe a flea collar.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Will Jackie and Shirley experience a forbidden love?!

WendyB said...

Animals are so interesting.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Is Shirley dragging her bum on your carpet to get the worms out - nice!

Dedene said...

That was really funny! Your dog is cool.

erin said...

And those are the Days of Your Cats (and Dogs) Lives...
I was all prepared to hate this post...mainly because I hate animals.

But your animals are involved in a love triangle and are very well spoken...so you all won me over.

Hit 40 said...

XL's comment was cute! My cats love to roll around together too. They are both boys.

We enjoy watching one cat jump off a shelf onto the other cat walking past. Kinda like watching the pink panther movie where Cato attacks his boss to keep him ready at all times.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Bunch of pussies....

John Smith said...

I haven't seen that much hot pussy since the time I saw cheatarra give herself a tongue bath.

@eloh said...

Found you by way of Bill's blog.

This is the best cat fight I've seen in years.

Eric said...

You have the syndication rights? Is it too soon to start talking 'primetime spinoff'?

diane said...

Come get your award!

words...words...words... said...

In the next episode, Jackie and Mae Mae should go to the White House and have a beer with Obama.

Diane said...

JAckie W. has gotten HUGE!

Krissyface said...

once again, Prunella, you have succeeded in getting me to both marvel at your artistic talents and pee my pants with gleeful laughter, while armed merely with a digital camera and the contents of your house. You are one in a million.

Prunella Jones said...

Thank you!

But I can't take the credit. These cats are quite a dramatic bunch.