I may have just accidentally swallowed a bug that landed in my tea.
I think it was just a gnat, but what if it wasn't?
What if it was something far worse?
What if it was some kind of flying, parasitic, mosquito-like thingee?
What if its laying it's filthy, squirming eggs in my esophagus right now?!
It probably is!
Parasitic, flying mosquito worm eggs that will hatch within days and make their way up my throat, and through my nasal passages into my cerebellum and burrow deep into my frontal brainial cavity!
And then the worms will settle in, feasting on what few smarticles I have left, growing fatter and fatter on my diminishing thoughts, until they are poking out of my ears like linguine and I am left a drooling idiot.
Then I'll spend my days twiddling my thumbs and nodding my head along to Jonas Brothers songs until I am hauled before Obama's newly reformed government health care's dreaded "Death Panel."
Fox News said that the Death Panel will be staffed by Dr. Hannibal Lecter, Dr. Kevorlian, and Dick Cheney. What if that's true?
They'll kill me for sure!
After harvesting my salvageable organs, of course, to sell to the highest bidder.
And then they'll grind up whatever is left of me and add it to cow feed for the extra protein.
When the cows are slaughtered and ground into meat patties and sold to grocery stores around the country, some of you will eat them.
Hamburgers containing me and my brainial cavity worm eggs.
Which will hatch in your intestines and start to multiply...
Even if you are a vegetarian you'll still get them because the wormy cow shit will be used as fertilizer to grow your soybeans and veggies, and also seep into the ground water.
OMG, I've just killed us all!!! Humanity is doomed! DOOMED! We will all be dead by 2012 because of me!
I'm so sorry.
Does anyone have a Valium? I need to go lie down for a while.