Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Sweet Zombie Jesus it's hot!

I'm so tired of summer. It was 96 degrees today in NAshville, with about a million percent humidity. The air is like soup. I can't eat. I can't think. My brain has melted and been replaced with kudzu. I have no energy to do anything except watch this dramatic chipmunk over and over.


Don't make him use the force!


All I want to do is laze around in a chair and nap. I've drunk tankfuls of caffeine and taken an Adderall today, but nothing seems to get rid of this languid feeling. No wonder the characters in Erskine Caldwell's novels stayed poor. This here ain't working weather, it's much suited to having sweaty sex with albinos and stealing turnips. Gah! What's a girl from Riverside, California to do? I'm used to desert heat!

21 comments:

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Watching the dramatic chipmunk is the best medicine I could recommend.

Mister Underhill said...

It was 128 here the other day, but I agree that humidity makes it much worse.

Caffiene dehydrates you, so don't expect it to help you in the heat. You need carbs, like gatorade.

Sudiegirl said...

albinos? sweaty ones?

eeewwwww...

Prunella Jones said...

Brenda- I can't believe how much that little rodent makes me laugh. Almost as much as Chuck Norris jokes. It's hard to remember what life was like before I discovered youtube.

Mister- 128? Where do you live, Death Valley? The thing I miss about Riverside was that it did cool off at night. Oh and the lovely, smoggy sunsets. And taco trucks.

You are right about the caffeine. I hate gatorade tho. It brings back memories of losing every track meet I ever participated in. The only things I like to drink are coffee, tea, and diet coke. I mean what else is there? Milk? Ick.

Sudie- c'mon Sudie, don't front. You know you want some sweaty albino!

Have you read "God's Little Acre?" It's chock full of incest, gold digging, and albino sex. Kind of a literary Jerry Springer episode.

Diane said...

I suggest reading Tennessee Williams and drinking mint juleps

Helen said...

Yeah, Pru, I was going to suggest some of Tennessee's finest to go with that damn chipmunk. That was HILARIOUS, just when I thought the Dr. Evil was my favorite, I saw the Kill Bill dramatic chipmunk, then the perv, oh ho ho, who creates this hilarity?

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Its nice and cool here. 70 degrees and a huge thunderstorm this morning. I'm telling you this so that when it's 40 below and I have to walk to class in January you can remind me how lucky I was this summer.

Seriously though, that heat would kill me. I'd lounge around and moan about the heat for hours on end. Heat does the same thing to me. I just cant function.

P.S. Dramatic chipmunk videos must lift your spirits a little bit though... right?

Scottsdale Girl said...

Hot and schweatay.

Yum.

Mister Underhill said...

I live in Vegas. This is the hottest summer I can remember!

It has also been humid a lot :(

It does cool down at night, though. Thank Yahweh.

Ryan said...

God I hate humidity. That's it and that's all.

LA said...

Not a fan of heat or humidity. Honestly, I prefer winters in Chicago to the summers. That's why I have a 10-year-old, beat-up car but live a block from the Pacific Ocean.

For every caffeinated beverage you drink, try to drink a glass of water. It will really help. Mister Underhill's right, caffeine dehydrates.

morbid misanthrope said...

I was stuck in Gilroy the other day. There was a terrible accident that blocked all three roads in and out of that place. I got sunburned through a car window and smelled like burned garlic for three days. Stinking rose indeed. I do so hate it when my ninja business takes me through such crappy areas during the warm season. On the plus side, I got to see a helicopter airlift someone out of the road.

Prunella Jones said...

Diane- I do believe that Tennessee's prose goes down very nicely with a cool drink. All that talk of burning desires does tend to make one thirsty. Especially when your loins catch fire.

Helen- have you seen the CSI chipmunk? I think that might be my new favorite.

Mish- 70 and rainy sounds perfect. As soon as you get moved into your new apartment I'm coming to visit. Now you won't need to go to any trouble for me. I won't require anything much, just a king sized bed with silk sheets, my own spotlessly clean bathroom, and your undivided attention for the length of my stay. See you soon!

SG- hot and sweatay, indeed! That would be a good name for the poem I am writing. Here's what I have so far:

Oh burning sun,
and the concentration of water vapour in the air,
you put my Teen Spirit to the test
in a way even Johnny Depp cannot match....

Mister- oh yes, Vegas. I went there once. I tried caviar for the first time at a Russian restaurant (I think it was in Mandalay Bay?) It was really good, esp. with all those flavored vodkas I sucked down.

So are you by any chance an Elvis impersonator? You look a bit like The King in your picture.

Prunella Jones said...

Ryan- I seem to recall that you live in Sacremento, is that correct? If so then I am sure you are suffering as badly as I am. I've always thought Sac had the worst weather of any place I'd been in California. The prostitutes were pretty amazing though. A friend of mine had an apartment in Old Town and we used to watch a one-legged ho conduct her business daily, right across the street. She didn't let those crutches slow her down any! It was a fine example of the American spirit at work.

LA- you are a smart woman for living near the ocean. You're in Redondo, right? I think I will come to visit you too! Don't forget about the silk sheets, I have very sensitive skin.

Morbid- so that's where you've been. I was beginning to wonder if another ninja might have taken you out. Now that's not to imply I don't have confidence in your nunchuck skills. No indeed! I've heard that you are the best. It was just unlike you not to answer your blog comments. Well I'm glad to hear that you were only stuck in Gilroy. If you had died you would have made a formidable zombie, and I still haven't learned how to fire a LAW yet.

Mister Underhill said...

How'd you guess?

Scottsdale Girl said...

Good grief we are in full MONSOON season and along with all the news reports about THE! WEATHER! we all look like Brandon Davis. Ugh.

LA said...

Pru - Seal, but it's all good. One of my sibs is in Redondo.

Prunella Jones said...

Mister- I had a psychic vision. Either that or an acid flashback. Do you perform on stage with a bunch of dancing, rainbow-colored rabbits? Oh look, my hand is melting! Cool....

SG- Brandon Davis? This is a dire situation.

LA- Seal, Redondo, whatever it takes. I'll be there on Monday. Could you sprinkle a few rose petals in my bathroom? And I'll need peach colored toilet paper of course. Oh, and don't forget the champagne.

Mister Underhill said...

Ok, not really. I always wanted to be one, though. I see them around all the time or at least used to.

Captain Smack said...

You're in Nashville? Wow, what a coincidence. I play guitar! Isn't that weird?

Prunella Jones said...

Mister- you should go for it! Who doesn't love an Elvis impersonator? It's all about the sideburns, baby.

Captain- coincidence? I think not. It is a sign from above that you need to join my band, "She's No MILF." We are going to be big! I play guitar too. Well only three chords, but what else do you need?