I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore. Well except for NPR. I mostly prefer CDs or my IPOD. But during my long, looooong, drive to the convention last week I found myself flipping the radio dial around compulsively. It's so funny how classic rock stations sound exactly the same no matter where you go. They usually have an annoying British DJ and tend to play "Hotel California" over and over. I found plenty of stations broadcasting sermons (mostly while driving through North Carolina) and tons of country stations. I listened to my beloved NPR for quite a while until "A Prairie Home Companion" came on. For some reason I can't stand listening to Garrison Keillor's breathing while he talks. It's so loud and whistling that it drives me crazy.
So I flipped the dial some more until I found one of those top 40ish, Ryan Seacrest type programs. And that's where I heard it. Possibly the most brilliant song I've ever heard in my life.
Really listen closely to these lyrics. They hold the secret to life!
You know how every once in a while a song comes a long that makes you question everything you've ever been taught? I remember hearing The Clash as a kid and getting all excited. They made me want to know more about what was going on in the world outside of my hideous little middle school. The first time I heard The Pretenders Chrissy Hyde growling, "I'm gonna make you, make you notice," I started thinking about the sexual power women have over men. And as I drove through the mountains last week listening to Lil Mama, I suddenly realized something important.
MY LIP GLOSS WAS NOT POPPIN! NOT AT ALL!
In fact, I wasn't even wearing lip gloss. Instead, I had on some Burt's Bees Honey Lip Balm. I caught a glimpse of my lips in the rear view mirror and frowned. What did I know about me? I now knew my lip gloss was cheap! No wonder I'm not a big success!
After I found this video on youtube everything became even more clear. I was hideously unpopular in high school, but did my mother ever give me lip gloss advice? Hell no! The woman only wore cheap Avon lipstick, dabbed on once a week before church. She was no help. No wonder the boys were not jockin. No wonder they didn't chase me after school! If only I had known.
So I wasted no time in heading down to the Mac counter at the mall. And I can now safely report that my lip gloss is finally "poppin". And I do indeed, be lovin it! Thank you Lil Mama for sharing your wisdom with the masses.