Thursday, July 05, 2007

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I'm leaving today for my annual stripper's convention. I can't wait. I'm leading my first seminar this year. My topics will include:

How to Keep Extremely Large Implants from Sagging, aka Preventing the Tara Reid Syndrome.

and

50 Ways to Prevent and Deal With Pole Chafing.


Yikes, I hope I do a good job. See you Monday!

19 comments:

Jenster said...

Hope to catch you next year. I was signed up for this year, but with the surgery and all I had to cancel.

D. Prince said...

I would have signed up if I knew about it.

Thanks a lot Pru... and have fun.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Hey! Maybe we'll run into each other this year! Don't forget lysol to wipe down the poles after each use. I think I'll excel in the "Stage Name" class. You'll know who I am when you see my name tag: "Xanadu Dreamz".

Scottsdale Girl said...

Have a wunnerful time and break a leg! or whatever you say appropriately.

morbid misanthrope said...

Have a good time. If you happen to see my cousin Beulah, ask her if her boyfriend Scabby has that money he owes me. I know how long it takes to make a big-ass batch of meth, and ol' Scabby should have seen a return on investment (ROI) by now. If he doesn't get me that money soon, I'm going to have to repossess his new teeth with the back of my machete.

Helen said...

Sounds like better seminars than last year's...remember these ones?

"Who moved my cheese? or the necessity of sitting on towels at the club"

or my fave,

"Gershwin or Gwar...keeping the deejay on your side"

Diane said...

True story - a few years back I went to the Spearmint Rhino in the IE with a couple of fellas, one who wanted to see a porn star he knew - who was known in the trade as the Anal Princess - dance that night.

Wait - I have a point - we later found out she wouldn't be dancing at midnight b/c she had injured herself during the 10 pm show, by - hold your breath - sticking a ruler up herself as part of the act. The lesson to be learned? Be careful and select a ruler that doesn't have metal edges.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Diane: I'm in love with that story. For serious.

Mister Underhill said...

I hope the answer is not that I have to stop touching my pole :(

ffleur said...

Diane:

Spearmint Rhino in the IE?

herb - animal - internet explorer

What a funny title. How does it relate to porn actresses/dancers?

p.s. and I loved the story!

Diane said...

ffleur - Spearmint Rhino is the name of a chain of southern california strip clubs - not sure how they got the name. The IE is the Inland Empire area of So Cal . . . and I believe is Pru's home turf! Let me add that the highlight of the evening was stopping at Jack in the Box on the way home . . .

LA said...

OMG, Diane!

Sudiegirl said...

Dude - I didn't know that strippers had seminars.

kookla@work said...

Well, Prunella... I see I got back from the convention before you did. I told you not to get into that van with those cowboys from Henderson.

kookla@work said...

Hey! I just read Diane's story, and just for the record, I used a metric ruler which explain the injury. I didn't have a conversion chart to figure it out in inches.

Captain Smack said...

I had a problem with pole chafing too, but eventually I developed callouses.

Prunella Jones said...

Jen- you didn't miss much. Hope the surgery went well.

D.- shall I sign you up for next year then?

Xanadu/Mish- I totally saw you in the "Balancing on 8 inch Heels" lecture. Wow, I'm really jealous of your implants. They make PAm Anderson's look like tennis balls.

SG- thank you. I did.

Morbid- sorry, there were quite a few Beulah's with boyfriend's named Scabby running around the convention. I know three from Tennessee alone. I wasn't sure which was your cousin. Now that I think about it, I noticed they all had one gross bulging eye just like yours. How strange.

Helen- I remember! That was my favorite class too. Music is so important. The club I last worked at didn't think so. They just played "My Humps" over and over. Boy am I tired of that song!

Diane- I'm very familiar with The Spearmint Rhino. It's where I got my start. I knew the "Anal Princess." She was a conceited bitch! Her anus was nothing special. I'm the one who can shoot fire out of my ass. That title rightly belongs to me!

Mister- as long as you tip well you may touch your pole whenever you like, just don't expect us girls to touch it for you. I work at a very classy place.

Ffleur- the Inland Empire is the most loely/sceneic area of California which you absolutely must see one day. Some people will say that San Francisco or Monterey are the places to visit. Don't listen to them! The IE is legendary for it's beauty.

Sudie- well of course we do! It's much harder to shake your butt then people think.

Kookla- you were so right! Why don't I ever listen to you? Those cowboys told me they had Ecstasy but they lied! All they had was some warm Budwiser and wandering hands. And I had to listen to Billy Ray Cyrus CDs the entire trip home. It sucked!

BTW I am the rightful Anal Princess!

Captain- now see if you'd come to my lecture you would have learned how to prevent the calluses. They don't look so good when you are wearing a thong.

Captain Smack said...

How would I wear a thong on my mouth? That sounds very advanced, I'm just a beginner.

Prunella Jones said...

Captain- all in good time, Grasshopper. You are not yet ready. Only when you can snatch the pebble from my thong shall you achieve enlightenment.