Paris Hilton is a changed woman. During her recent 23 day incarceration in an LA county jail, the beautiful heiress suffered great agony from claustrophobia and ADD. Not since Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the desert has a person been so tested. But instead of whining, she used this time to really study her bible. As a result, PAris has become something of a biblical scholar and she is happy to share her newfound knowlege with each and every one of you. Bring on the questions!
I know being on television is kind of nerve racking, which is why I figure you couldn't name a favorite bible passage. So I was just wondering if you might have thought of one now? I'd love to hear it.
Ummm yeah. I like that one about Jesus. You know, when he built the big ship with all the animals? That was hot. I love dogs.
Paris on her way to the baptismal pond.
One part of the bible that has always freaked me out was when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. It's so weird how he'd been dead for four days and was "stinking of the grave" but then Jesus says "Lazarus, come forth" and he rises up pulling off the linen strips he'd been wrapped in. I picture him looking like The Mummy. It's so creepy! And then the bible never goes into detail of what happened afterward. It seems like people just said, "Cool beans, Jesus!" and started partying. No one got disturbed that Lazarus is basically a zombie or asks him what it was like being dead. Did he still stink or did that disappear? My Sunday school teachers always got annoyed with me for bringing it up. What do you think?
Scared of Zombies
Maybe you watch too many horror movies? I was in a horror movie called "House of Wax." Did you see it? It was sooo cool. I died in the movie, but I didn't stink or anything. It was like, not real or anything. My strip scene was really hawt.
I've always felt that the Old Testament and the New Testament were so radically different that they didn't belong together in one book. For instance, the Old Testament is all about anger and revenge. God seems to have no problem with violence, often ordering his people to go smite their enemies and getting pissed off if they don't follow his orders to the letter (see Lot's wife). There is tons of rape, incest, whoring, and murder, which God seems to be fine with. But the New Testament is all about loving your neighbor. In fact, Jesus' message contradicts nearly everything in the Old Testament. So is it "an eye for an eye", or "turn the other cheek?"
Um.... why are you wondering about that stuff? What does it matter? The bible must be a good book because if you carry it around and tell people you are reading it, then they like you better.
The next time she gets locked up, Paris vows to read the Koran.
Do you know who wrote The Book of Revelation? Whenever I read it, those crazy visions remind of nothing so much as a bad acid trip.
I don't know. I've never tried drugs. Not even once!