HOuse: Well, well, what have we here?
Chase: This patient, one Prunella Jones, collapsed at a party. Friends say she was fine until she heard that her old boyfriend was seeing someone new. She then vomited, turned blue, ripped her clothes off and ran screaming down the street that she would "kick Reese Witherspoon's ass" before passing out.
Foreman: Ugh, she smells like a brewery. Pump her full of fluids and send her to AA.
Wait a minute. She turned blue, which would suggest a lack of oxygen but she was still able to scream and run. Interesting. I had a patient eight years ago who presented with these very same symptoms, right down to threatening to kick Reese Witherspoon's ass. And that patient was dead 24 hours later. This is an infection.
Oh brother! House, are you serious? She's just had some bad coke and too much to drink. She'll be fine.
Pru: What's going on? Blargh! Acck! Oop Eeep Ork Ah Ah! I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion und a yacht. Blarghhhhh, it's scary! REDRUM! REDRUM!
Uh oh. The delusions have started. We have less than 24 hours to figure out what's killing her. Do a MRI, a CAT scan, an LP, and a TB tine. Oh and do that neat test where you stick a needle through her eyeball. I'll be in my office hiding from Cuddy and torturing Wilson.
Later that day
Okay House, we've done the tests. All of them came back normal. She's much better now except for the screaming. We're thinking it could be just a mild case of drama queenitus. Or else lupus. Or else she's faking.
Or it could be a deadly infection like I said. Go test her again. Has anyone seen my vicodin?
Meanwhile in Pru's hospital room...
Pru: Heh heh, thanks for the vicodin Dr. Gimp! These babies go great with a shot of vodka. Par-tay!
Well you're looking much better. Hello, my name is Dr. Chase and I need to run a few tests if you don't mind.
Ooooooh. Why hello there, doctor. I'm glad you're here. I have a new symptom I need you to check out.
What's wrong?
It's my loins. They're tingling like crazy and I can't get them to stop. Here take a look. I'll just move these magazines out of our way.
Ummmmm.....(gulp)
Chase! What the hell is going on in here?
Is a deadly infection eating Pru's brain? Will Dr. Chase cure her tingling loins? Do you think Reese Witherspoon will finally get her ass kicked? What do they call that test where they stick a needle through your eyeball, anyway? To answer these questions and more tune in for another episode of The Prunella Jones Story!
13 comments:
OMG that was hilarious. I hope Pru is fine because I would miss her terribly. Did the needle hurt? Because I could not watch that the other night. GAH!
Tingling Loins is a sure sign spring has sprung in TN.
Damn, Pru. You're either in medicine, or you really pay attention to House.
BTW, I think it's rheumatologic. Pru's body is attacking itself. Otherwise, why would she try to seduce the gay Dr. Chase?
SG- That needle freaks me out! You would think the eyeball would explode.
GF- or a sign of the devil's workshop. He does so like to make mischief in our hot, steamy, southern lands.
LA- I don't work in medicine, I'm merely a hypochondriac.
Uh... who the hell has a picture taken of themselves on a uncovered mattress except for pictures of themselves looking like a tralor pickle! Weirdo girl!
Sorry, all that and that is what I pick up on, sometimes I don't think my mind is quite right! LOL
I hope you do kick Reese Witherspoon's ass. I've hated her ever since Legally Blonde came out. I was in school then, and suddenly every half-witted dunce too stupid to eat yogurt for a living thought they were geniuses because they talked like Witherspoon did in that movie.
The female students--just one step above poodle shit, evolutionarily speaking--started wearing pantsuits and trying to use lawyer terminology for everything.
Teacher: "Hey, idiot. You flunked another test."
Girl: "I contest, your honor. This is obviously a case of in propria persona. I demand cogito ergo sum!"
Teacher: "Wow. I'd offer to let you pass for an HJ, but I think you're too stupid."
Girl: "I think we can reach a settlement. I usually have to do a posteriori for my Math teacher to pass me, though."
I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht . . .
Damn, thanks for making my day with a bit of Bugs Bunny
T- I love that pic. Hadta use it somehow.
Morbid- I concur with this statement. Posteriori is a necessity for passing math.
Di- I love him, I do.
Pru, when you gave your medical history to Dr. House, did you tell him about the scientology baby you're carrying?? It could effect the entire diagnosis.
Mish- Gah! I forgot about that baby. It must be the repeated brainwashings.
Well then Pru. Obviously you are allergic to your baby/pillow. Or it's an infection.
Or lupus. It's always maybe lupus.
It's never lupus! It's merely the alien hormones drilling holes in the brainial cavity. That baby has to come out!
Drama Queenitus... love it!
Oh Dr. Chase is strictly dickly... he would much rather examine Jakey Poo!
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