Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Come One Come All!

Guess what everybody? There's a rap contest going on at the new Blarghbalah Center! First prize is a case of Blarghbalah water and a fabulous all expenses paid vacation to the beautiful Lake of Entrails, on the second level of Blargh! Let's take a look at some of the competition, yo.

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I say there...um dogs
I..I'm...they call me the primo cut
Gi-gi-giggity-Grant, the MacDaddy, what is up?
I say good fellows, fall to your knees
Because my name is Hugh Grant and I'm the big cheese
I am here to make you dance and jump
So get on the floor and shake your great big rump
My word! I haven't seen a rump that Divine
Since I was trolling for hookers on Hollywood and Vine
Yes, Miss Brown's bottom was particularly fine.
Shake it, shake it, shiggity shake that fine bottom!
Well all the paparrazzi in the house say "yo!"
Do you think you are going to take my photo? Oh no!
I'll hurl these beans at your asses, fo sho!
Good sirs, there are a few beatings I'd like to bestow
Come feel the wrath of Hugh Grant's big toe!

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Listen up, ya'll! My name's Sheryl Crow
and I'm here to let you know
that saving the earth's my obsession
so I'm gonna use this jam session
to ask ya'll a question and here it is, yo

Why you gotta use so much TP?
what, do you think it grows on trees?

I do decree you only need one sheet
to wipe the poo off of your big fat seat
Two sheets at the most should be complete
If it takes more than that, why just quit eatin meat!
vegetarian poop is much easier to excrete
and won't make such a mess on your butt cheek.

Now some people might call me a hypocrite, but take heart
True, I do drive gas guzzlers but I need them for my art
It has come to my attention, that some bloggers gots aggression to me
but there's no time for second guessing, the earth needs my secret weapon
in order to save a few more trees
instead of napkins we'll use hanky sleeves!
Huh? Huh? Huh? Good idea, right?

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Well some people call me Prunella
and I'm here to tell ya
that the glorious day of judgement is now at hand
Blarghbalah is the new movement sweeping 'cross the land
Don't worry 'bout my eyeballs, it's just a bum thyroid gland.

If you don't join the cult of Blargbalah
then you must like to be be an ignoramous
our fitness is so ridiculous, yup, we're getting so world famous
number one religion on the planet of Uranus! Yo!

So why you hesitatin to join? Why you act so appalled?
Look at me, I'm pretty in pink just like Molly Ringwald
Listen up, I don't wanna hear your disdain
why don't cha quit doing cocaine, and acting insane
Join the cult of Blarghbalah so you can rest your brain

Now I ain't no entrepreneur, I'm just tryin to cure ya
Handin over your wallet will help to secure ya
A much less harsh judgement, of this I can assure ya!
Sign up bitches, word.

Won't you come on down and join our rap contest today?
Don't be shy or delay
everyone can play!
Let me hear what you have to say!


Diane said...

pru - you are divine!

Prunella Jones said...

Right now I'd have to say Hugh Grant is leading the rap-off. Not becuase of his great rhymes or anything. I'm just scared he'll smack me with a can of beans if he doesn't win.

Diane- you are too kind!

Ffleur said...

your dance rap, I cannot compete
I've totally got two left feet
Thrown in the towel, called defeat
Blargh! Those eyeballs have me beat

thats about it...what did I win (she asked hopefully?)

T-girl said...

OMG! I love the Hugh Grant thing! I don't know why but everytime I see those picts I can't help but cheer the poor bloke on! Beans for Christsakes and off to jail he goes!

morbid misanthrope said...

I was going to compose a lovely rap, but decided to write an absurdist abstract haiku instead.

A mauve-ish chicken
He crosses the road freely
Pontoon sauerkraut

Somewhere, someone just got served.

Prunella Jones said...

Ffleur- good stuff! You have won a years supply of rice-a-roni. It's the San Fransisco treat!

T- Hugh should try eating the beans to cause maximum damage.

Morbid- oh it's on!

Scottsdale Girl said...

I am NO GOOD at the rap or the haiku so I will just sit back and enjoy. :)

kookla@work said...

This was so good that I'm afraid Hugh Grant will make a sequel to "Music and Lyrics' costarring Prunella.

BTW: Pru, that avatar reminds me of the time I was up late as a kid looking over my dad's medical books and came across a picture of someone with a thyroid condition. I screamed, freaked out and never opened that book again.

GetFlix said...

I rap about as good as Sheryl Crow wipes with one sheet!!

But my vote is split between Ffleur and Pru!!

Maddie said...

Yo! Prunella is here to keeps it real!

Aint nobody safe, yall know the deal.

She busts mad rhymes about beans and shit.

But Pru ain't no punk yall, she's legit.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

My name is Mishy and I'm gonna be candid,
Prunella's my hero; she raps like a bandit.
I may not know much, but I do know this this is true,
There's one rap goddess and her name is Pru!

Ok, I'm at work right now and that's the best I got. Also, I would have added something about Ffleur's rap, but your name is very hard to rhyme with Ffleur!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

You should totally get Samantha Ronson to do the beats for ya. That way you can drag Lindsey in.

Scottsdale Girl said...

Mishy and Maddie ROCK!
I bet Mish gets bonus points for the goddess reference though.

Prunella Jones said...

Mish and Maddy, those are some tasty rhymes! Hugh Grant has had his ass handed to him. Everybody duck! (can of beans whizzes by)

honkeie2 said...

Hue Grant: Is a want to be Shawn Penn. If you are going to attck someone punch them in the face.

Crown: I now know never stand behind her or shake her hand. If she only uses one square the odds aer she doesnt get a good whipe and her finger stip in on a daily basis.