Monday, May 07, 2007

The Prunella Jones Story, Part ???

She was a smokin hot freelance writer turned Hollywood IT girl. He was a gorgeous and talented star troubled by gay rumors. Yes, it's time once again for another edition of The Prunella Jones Story starring Lindsay Lohan as Pru and Jake Gyllenhaal as himself.

In our last episode (sorry, I know it's been a long time) Prunella had gotten herself into some hot water. Unable to choose between her two loves, Jake Gyllenhaal and Johny Depp, she had lost them both. Now months later, everyone is still feeling the pain.....

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JAKE: Prunella's new book is supposed to come out today, guys. Come on and help me find it.

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JAKE: Ah ha here it is. "Love in a Time of Leprosy" by Prunella Jones. Good girl, I'm so proud of her. She said that she based the part of the leper priest who saves the village from murderous Vikings from outer space on me you know. (sigh) I miss her.

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AUSTIN: Whatever. Why are you still thinking about that ho bag? Good riddance. And by the way, your butt looks really hot in those pants.

JAKE: Ummmm....thanks, man. But remember that conversation we had where I asked you to quit talking about my butt? It makes me...uncomfortable.

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I wonder....should I call Pru? Nah, probably not. (sigh)


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PRU: Snort, sniff, My life is over. I've ruined everything! Sniff, snorkle. How could I have dumped JAke for Johnny? Snort, hoover. Why am I so stupid? Sniff, sniff.

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FRIEND: Pru, you should slow down. You've been partying hard for months.

PRU: Why not? I've ruined my life. I have nothing left except for my good friend cocaine. Here, have a bump.

FRIEND: Snoooooort. Oh yeah!

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Who needs love? All I need is a good party (hic) and my good friend....uh what's your name, dude? Would you get me another drink?

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Screw you, Johnny! I never loved you! Same for you....Jake (sob)

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I don't need any man! I'm hot, successful, and I've got enough drugs to keep me blitzed for the rest of my life.(hic) I'm over you, Jake Gyllenhaal!

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FRIEND: So Pru, did you hear Jake's now dating Reese Witherspoon?

Pru: WHAT????? Uh Oh... I....I don't feel so good. The room is spinning. My stomach, I ..I think I'm going to be sick. I can't breathe!

FRIEND: Oh my God! Somebody call an ambulance! She's turning blue.

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PARAMEDIC: Get that line in STAT! We're losing her!"

To be continued.....


Diane said...

Good to know Jakey is just allegedly gay

Prunella Jones said...

Away with these "toothy tile" rumours. I'm not trying to hear that uh-huh. (puts hands over ears) La la la la la la la la!

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Don't worry, Pru. Jake is the type of guy who will sit by your bedside day in and day out until you recover from your overdose. And when you wake up, he'll kiss your face and cry real tears and say that he was so worried about you but now that you're better nothing and no one, including Austin, will keep you two apart ever again.

Sigh... It's the stuff that TV movies are made of.

LA said...

"snort, hoover"

HAHA! stroke of genius!

morbid misanthrope said...

Jake Gyllenhaal can't be gay; he and Maggie Gyllenhaal are married.

Prunella Jones said...

Mish- don't give away my ending!

LA- I bet Lilo's nose has better suction than my vaccum cleaner.

Morbid- and they have a baby named Incestia and she will soon stage the ultimate battle for the universe with Suri Cruise and Maddox Jolie. Who will win? There can be only one. My money is on Suri.

Frannie Farmer said...

Ahhh, hang on there Pru. Don't get all ANS on us!

El Hombre said...

me thinks yoo've been drinking too much of that blarghballa water dear

Prunella Jones said...

Fran- no worries, I'm not ready to become a legend yet.

Hombre- (staggers with disbelief) you actually graced my blog with a comment? Was Dungeons and Dragons offline last night?

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Sorry Pru! I didn't mean to spoil anything but I am the person who skips to the end of my books before reading them. I know, awful habit.

So, is El Hombre getting a blog too? said...

How come I dont ever get to party?????

Jenster said...

Oh my gosh. Such angst! Such tension! I'm rivited!!

GetFlix said...

Is there a role available for Brit?

Ffleur said...

What is that med Medics give drug addicts? Narcan? I bet Lohan is very familiar with it. All those asthma/exhaustion/dehydration were probably overdoses. I wonder if LA has Lohan on her death list?

Great story Pru. I'd have a hard time getting over Johnny Depp too.

Prunella Jones said...

Bren- you're always welcome to party with me. I saved a bump for you.

Jen- I'm heavily influenced by Lifetime Television.

GF- maybe.

Ffleur- oh the pain!

Ryan said...

Pru - Your fiction is pure JOY!