Thursday, March 22, 2007

A Midsummers Night Argument

A play by Edith Jones


Scene 1 THE PARKING GARAGE

Enter Jessica and her boyfriend Cash, dressed in black.


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Jessica My Lord! Thy disposition is great and I hath felt in the past thy mind pure of unclean qualities. I had long admired thee, indeed for thy virtues, but no longer! Nay!

Cash My good lady? What sayst thou? You doubt mine virtues and goodness? What nefarious villian has turned thou against me, pray tell? Who hast thus spake evil of me? I demand vindication!


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Jessica Good sir, I have heard many a brazen tale of your love for another. O how I have wept o'er thee! If thou dost love another, fairer maiden, thou must make thy desire heard. Indeed I demand satisfaction of this intelligence!

Cash Madame, I am most sorrowful and grieved. Thou dost doubt mine love for thee which shines hot and bright with the power of a thousand suns.



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Jessica Oh doth thou now protest? When you hath only recently bequethed admiration to a certain gentlewoman by the name of Mistress Britney? I have heard thy veneration for her "well shaped backside." Thou dost bring shame upon mine breast and the name of my family.

Cash Now Mistress, I desire only thee. Be thou blest with unthankfulness? I am not such a sickly creature, heaven praise!


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Jessica Hummmmmph!


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Jessica Marry you I shall not. Against all cheques, rebukes, and manners thus I will retract the colours of my love and my goodwill. Unless thou tellst thy hartlot farewell. I'll be not thine friend but thine enemy!

Exit


SCENE 2. AT NIGHT IN THE STREET


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Britney Nay, good sir! Nay, master! What foul confidence have you thus relayed to me? It is the rankest compound that ever offended a nostril! Love me you do not? How is this possible? Is this a vision? Is this a dream? Do I sleep? Why dost thou cuckold me? You have promised me marriage! Thy sperm didst bind us together.

Cash- speaking off stage Nay, Britney. You mistook mine erection for love!


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Britney What sayst thou? What sayest thou? I'll have thy brains ta'en out and buttered and given to thy dog for a New Years gift! I abhor thee! Oh but you had been drowned like a fiend but the shore was shelvy and shallow. Devil! You shall not go unpunished. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me: I'll be horn mad!


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Cash No Britney, not the Escalade!

End

9 comments:

Mrs Dalloway said...

Mrs Dalloway said...
Lord have mercy I almost dribbled laughing so hard. Edith/Pru you are BRILLIANT! Every time I see those Brit pics I can't help but think of a q-tip head,pool ball,frosty -sans hat or casper.

what do i do for fun?? well for passover I will take on the name yentl and sing "papa can you hear me" all day to my boss. (I renamed him 'Paddy O'leary for st. pats day. idiot
read the New Yorker (you really should send something in to get published edith), judge peopleand laugh my arse off at yor blog.
You can call me Mavis for the next week. We'll be old friends that work in an old dive restaraunt w/Cigs hanging from our ruby red lips ash falling gently in to the runny eggs. Sunnyside up!

joy said...

Love Edith <3

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Edith needs her own column in People Magazine! We should start some sort of petition.

All in favour, say "Aye!"

Diane said...

Aye!

Scottsdale Girl said...

What in the hell is that pink bear doing in Joy's avatar?

*leans into screen and squints*

Prunella's cousin Edith the poetess said...

Mrs. D./Mavis- So I says to him, I says...just a minute hon, ...Adam and Eve on a Raft no mayo! So I says to him, I says...I love your suggestion!

Joy- Edith will probably be around until she starts getting on everyone's nerves. Bad poetry is way too much fun!

Mish + Di- don't I wish.

SG- I have no idea. Digging, maybe? Joy, could you enlighten us?

T-girl said...

I think he is kicking someones ASS!!! Look, it looks like little feet and he is swinging then smiling like he ENJOYS IT!!!! Freaky damn bear!

I love those picts of Britster! Everytime I see them I think of a bulldike! And that one of chica and her man... DIE laughing at the one picture. Everytime I see it I can totally imagine her saying "EWWWWWW! AS IF!"

Jenster said...

Thank you for this enriching theater. So much better than the trash you see on TV.

Prunella's cousin Edith the poetess said...

T- any excuse to use those pictures!

Jen- I do try my best to bring culture to the masses ;-)