"Oh boy. Here I am in the big city, ready to make my dreams of being a boss lady come true! I can't wait to be one of them executives so I can wear purty suits and make out with businessman types who wear glasses and stuff."
"There it is. The place Clem said would hire me. I'm so nervous. I wish I could remember what Oprah said to do on her show about the secret to being a success. Maybe I should pray to her......Oh great goddess Oprah, please help me nail this job interview!"
"My child the secret is soo easy. You can get whatever you want if you just visualize it hard enough. Anyone who is unsuccessful, poor, or hungry deserve what they get because they are blocking success with their Negative Nelly thoughts. Do you know what I teach my girls at The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy?"
"Ummmm.....smile wit yo eyes?"
(sigh)...."NO! That's Tyra! I tell them: Don't blend in, blend out! Now go in there and get that job!"
"Okay......blend in my makeup. Right! Thanks, Oprah! Here I go to conquer the business world."
"Welcome to Burger Barn. Can I take your order?"
"Hi, my name is Jessica and my cousin Clem said you'd hire me and I'd get to be in charge and stuff!"
"Oh right, Clem did tell me about you. Said you're really talented....(snicker). Tell you what...I'm already in charge of the fries but if you go in the back, Chuck will hook you up with a uniform and give you your assignment. Right through that door."
"Huh? What? Oh yeah, I guess you can be in charge of the trash. Just leave the mustard alone. Only I handle the mustard, got it?"
"Wait a minute...I didn't visualize this. This sucks! Oprah, help me! Oprah....Oprah!"
14 comments:
Jessica is now limited to one facial expression to use for all her many, many emotions . . . surprise! happy! sad! confused!
When in doubt open your mouth really wide.
"When in doubt open your mouth really wide."
Pru, is that the advice you're giving out? No wonder Jessica got so far in show business!
Well it's always worked for me. How do you think I got to be employee of the month here at The Bikini Room?
OMG... I kind of get the feeling that, that is the advice that landed her Nick Lahey (or however the frig you spell his damn name! LOL)
I can not believe they are remaking Working Girl! Don't they have respect for Melanie in hollywood? I mean that was her ONE roll, ONE and they are remaking it! I think it is very disrespectful I do! Besides, who can be as good as Joan Cusacks character in this day and age? Molly Shannon maybe now that I think on it would be good in that roll but I am sure they didn't use her! No this is disrespectful. Poor Mel, no one will remember how great she was with 'ol Harry! They better keep my favorite movie line: "Coffee, tea, or me?"
Dude, that's fucked up. Cousin Clem already told me I could be in charge of the trash. So much for my dream job. That's the last time I go to one of my family reunions looking for work.
vacant .. that's what I see when I look in her eyes ... that vacant, far away, completely empty look.
I liked her in the Pizza Hut commercials.
Thanks for the laughs. I'm way behind in reading my blogroll - Trying to catch up. Missed your wit and "propers" to the stars.
Did anyone catch Oprah's "the secret to success" show? What a bunch of stupid, recycled "Power of Positive Thinking" crap. Does Oprah really believe in this stuff? I thought she was supposed to be intelligent? I've heard that since being on her show the book is now number 1 on Amazon. God, people are gullible. I wish I'd thought of it!
no matter how she's dressed, she'll always look like an idiot. true colors always show.
and can you imagine if kfed and jessica simpson hooked up? eeewwww
If KFed and Jessica hooked up, my head might explode from sheer joy. That would be comedy gold!
HAHA! To bad she is not even smart enough to work in fast food.
She probably went to "order" a job at the employment office. She thought it was super cute that the employment agency was set up like a fast food establishment. She was looking on the menu for the job most suitable for her lack of talents. Too bad they ran out of broken dreams.
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