Monday, March 19, 2007

Hollywood Gossip with Cousin Edith

Dear Friends,

I'm so sorry I've been such a rotten blogger buddy lately. I didn't mean to stay away so long but the simple truth is that I time traveled back to the fifth century to do some research on Vikings and they won't let me go. I am presently being held captive by a warrior prince named Big Eric the Woman-Satisfyer. Now don't worry about me, I've got an escape plan all figured out but it's going to take some time. I thought I would "exhaust" Big Eric, and then sneak out while he was sleeping but the man seems incapable of fatigue! Must be all the rare red meat he eats. But I don't need to rescued or anything. Really, don't even think about trying! I'll be back....soon. Until then I've asked my cousin Edith to fill in for me. I told her to do a gossip post since I haven't done one in ages. Edith is kind of annoying. She's one of those academic snobs who never want the world to forget that they went to a good school and have a doctorate while I, Prunella Jones do not. Humph! Well anyway please be nice to her while I'm gone.


P.S. Actually scratch that last part.

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Gee thanks, cousin, you are too kind. Hello everyone, my name is Edith and I'll be helping out for a bit while Prunella extracts herself from the land of the Vikings (takes her medications). Anyway I don't pretend to know too much about Hollywood gossip, it's not something I'm all that interested in quite frankly. When I was at Harvard I began each day by reading three newspapers cover to cover and I've kept up that habit throughout my academic career.

Prunella is a sweet girl and I do love her, but it's such a shame the way she turned out. I mean she works nights at a topless bar and spends her days writing trashy purple prose! I know she is quite jealous of my work as a poet. It's too bad she spent so much time in high school ridiculing me for being a dateless grind instead of studying. Maybe then she could have gotten a full scholarship to Harvard as I did. Oh well time for a post.

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I'd like to write something about the sad, sad death of Anna Nicole Smith.

Calamitous Clown

Oh Death!
why didst thou lugubrious spector
attack one so fair
and child hearted
swept away in a pharmacological tide of despair.

Oh Death!
Why not spread thy wings further still
for the patriarch of Anna's wretchedness
a spouse whose heart is encased in formica
and an infant cries out from her hippodrome of misfortune

Oh Death!
Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?
Send in the doomed clowns
don't bother. They're here.

Well that was fun. I must get a cup of tea and I'll be back with some more poetry for you. And I'll come pay a visit to all your blogs as well. See you soon!


M-M-M-Mishy said...

Well, I must admit I am sad to see that Pru has been kidnapped by vikings, but I'm sure she's *ahem* coping well.

I enjoyed your poetry, Edith. Looking forward to more!

Ryan said...

It is a pleasure to meet you Ms. Edith, or should I call you Dr. Edith since you have a doctorate. Either way it is nice to see that Pru is trying to get the mental help she so desperately needs. I have been worried for a while now, but didn't know who to speak with regarding her fragile state.

Your gossip post was well written for a gal who isn't into the scene. You combined the great wit of an insider with the poetic stylings of a famous woman poet. Just insert a famous woman poet, cause I can't think of one due to the fact that I hate poetry.

LA said...

Damn, does that mean El Hombre is stuck with Edith while Pru is busy with Big Eric? said...

You and your poetry! You are so talented.

I can relate to your viking obsession. Here is a link to a blog I made about a true internet Viking friendship I had, and the sad and unbelievable ending. (with original viking artwork by moi!)

Scottsdale Girl said...

Hippodome? So much imagery there...

ffleur said...

Pru! Your cousin Edith is....interesting. Yes, that is the word. Thank you for siccing her on us.

*I didn't go to Harvard either* mutter*mutter*

Prunella's cousin Edith the poetess said...

Mishy- judging from her "prose" I'd say being trapped with Vikings is Prunella's dream.

Ryan- but my dear boy, poetry feeds the soul. Remember a poem a day, makes everything okay! Check out your local coffee house's poetry night for hours of rapture.

LA- don't worry about el Hombre. He is quite used to Pru's imaginary wanderings and mental vacations. He understands that a happy Pru is a Pru that's not freaking out about germs and other silly things.

Brenda- interesting site and very nice artwork! Very mysterious.

SG- doesn't it make your imagination soar?

Ffleur- what a lovely name! So delicate. Please don't feel sad that you didn't attend Harvard. I'm sure the school you went to was almost as good.

GetFlix said...

Edith, pass this web address on to our Pru. Tell her to take the photo tour.

Sudiegirl said...


So YOU'RE the one who left the poem on my blog about bad hair.


It's much calmer now, thank you.

Hope you come visit again.

Diane said...

both pru and edith are friggin' brilliant!

Prunella's cousin Edith the poetess said...

GF- thanks for the info. I now have a new vacation destination.

Sudie- hair is very important, isn't it? When it's bad, everything is bad.

Di- I bow to you, my good woman.

GetFlix said...

I was thinking El Hombre could row you there.