Monday, March 12, 2007

Britney Gets Help from House

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All right, House. We think we've finally figured out what's wrong with Britney Spears. It turns out she's suffering from bulimia in addition to the postpatum depression. We also think she has severe PMS, OCD, an STD, ADD, acid indigestion, airbrushitus, and she may have lupus.

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Lupus? Give me a break, it's NEVER lupus. This is a bunch of crap. I told you yesterday the only thing wrong with Britney is drugs and alcohol. You know how the old song goes "the Cuervo Gold the fine Columbian, makes Britney go nuts and shave her head." That's it. Oh and maybe a bit a attention whore syndrome.

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But House, that's crazy! This is Holllywood! Things like that don't happen here! She's really suffering. Cuddy gave us permission to test for lupus and that's what we're going to do.

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Wait, you're all wrong. I'm Special Agent Mulder and this Agent Scully. We're with the FBI. We've recently discovered a government plot to cover up a virus that's extraterrestrial in origin. It causes this kind of behaviour in spoiled celebrities and it's very, very serious.

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Oh really? What brought you to this conclusion?

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This recent picture of Britney was snapped using infrared alien virus detectors. She needs help immediately.

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My God! Cameron, give me a quick injection of Vicodin to my brain stem. I've got a lot of work to do.


Scottsdale Girl said...

OOOOH YAY! I LUUUUUURRVES House! Tee hee at Vicodin to the brain stem...

LA said...


And House is right, it IS never lupus!

I was listening to Loveline last night. Dr. Drew who is an addiction medicine specialist and runs a treatment program in the Pasadena area was talking about Britney last night. He basically said you cannot enter a rehab program like Promises unless you are suffering from substance abuse. Hence, he's not buying the postpartum depression and other nonsense her publicist is trying to throw out there.


prunella jones said...

SG- House is such a hottie.

LA- I can't believe how many people are buying her excuses. It's pure BS.

Diane said...

I totally agree with Pru and la! Enough with the excuses - she'd be better off just coming clean - apologize to her family, start acting like a good mother, admit she fucked up . . . it's the Hugh Grant method - people will forgive anything if you take responsibility and apologize

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Dr. House can solve any medical mystery. He's brainy and sexy, which is a dangerous combination. I hope he solves the Anna Nicole baby daddy mystery next!

Jenster said...

I have a mystery disease I would like Dr. House to solve. Seriously! After this pathology and that pathology I keep telling my husband Dr. House could figure it out. He can figure out anything!

If only Hugh Laurie would use his real, British accent. It's much better than Madonna's.

prunella jones said...

Di- can't wait to see what they come up with next. I suggest the Twinkie defense. Sugar made her do it!

Mish- why is this DNA testing taking so long? On Maury it only takes 48 hours. All this legal wrangling is so annoying.

Jen- bright blue eyes + British accent = yummy. I wasn't even aware that he had one until recently.

GetFlix said...

That Brit shot is scary!!

T-girl said...

You are the best! I swear I would love you to write a book so I could read it. It would be the most suprise twisted and cool plot ever! I am so unimaginiative when it comes to stuff like this! Your rock!

Anonymous said...

she needs serious help. immense help. so much help, her entire family needs to be in therapy. what she really needs is a real hard slap and some time with my mom. she'll be so scared straight after that, she'll make shirley temple look like she's a porn star.

prunella jones said...

GF- isn't it great? It made me laugh so hard when I stumbled across it.

T- I'm hard at work on a novel right now about a quirky family who own and operate a pet cemetary. Unfortunately it is 800+ pages with no end in sight. Help!

Pink- Amen, sister! said...

I think Britney is an excellent example of someone who is doing all the WRONG things. I think its a combination of a lot of things and I also believe she lost contact with reality, for real.

Ffleur said...

I love House too.
So clever of you to feature him in this dialogue. If anyone could cure Brit, its him. Of course all she'd want was his Vicodin.

LA said...

BTW, when are House and Cuddy going to finally hook up?

prunella jones said...

I'd rather see him with Wilson. Cuddy is annoying.

RedRose said...

Actually it is lupus a lot more often than you would think. Lupus killed 2 of my family members. I have lupus. I am sick to death of the It's never lupus joke. I am also sick of people who obviously have substance abuse problems trying to pass it off as a disease. If Britney has lupus then fine, but it does not excuse her behavior.

BTW millions of people have lupus. Go to and get the facts before you assume that it is never lupus. It is hard to diagnose and deadly if left untreated. Believe me I have first hand experience with lupus and how hard it is to diagnose. I also have experience with how bad things can get without treatment. It is worse because people think lupus is a joke or so rare it never happens. That is bull!!!!