Well, this weekend really flew by! I took the creepy vase with me to work at The Boobie Barn and let him read the furure for all the other dancers. For some reason they didn't like very much. A few cried.
Captain Peanut told me to take it away. His exact words were, "Prunella, that shit ain't funny. Get that fucking freaky ass shit out my face before I bust you a new ass." I could tell he was seriously freaked out and this knowlege makes me happy. I am going to have a lot of fun this Halloween.
This one kind of bible thumping girl named Michelle told me the creepy vase was satanic and probably possessed by a demon. She suggested sprinkling it with holy water. This is how that conversation went:
HER: I'm telling you, that thing needs an exorcism. It's unholy.
ME: Do you mean unholy in a Sarah Palin kind of way, or like the antichrist? Oh wait, they're the same.
HER: Huh? Who is Sarah Palin?
ME: (sigh) Nevermind.
HER: If only we had some holy water.
ME: Hmmmm...well, I don't usually carry holy water around with me, but let me see what I have in my locker. Hey, here's some Summer's Eve TM. Why don't we sprinkle some of this on it?
HER: You are going to make God really mad.
ME: Hey, if we put this stuff in our vaginas, don't you think it is bound to be extra pure and good?
So I doused the creepy vase with the douche water while she read some bible passage and everyone gathered around, hoping to see it explode into flames or something. Nothing like that happened though. The vase just giggled like a Japanese schoolgirl and then fell quiet.
Later on, after I brought it back home, the vase told me it had finally lost "that not so fresh feeling", so maybe the exorcism worked. MAybe now it'll spout nice predictions instead of doom and gloom.
"I see giant, stinging moths taking over the world, I see the death of all your hopes and dreams, I see McCain winning the election, I see....."
Or maybe not.