Guess what? Not only is the new vase decorative, it also has powers.
"Super psychic powers." (air quotes)
That's what it tells me anyway. It says it can forsee the future. And I'm all, yeah right!
No, it's trooooooo. I can read your future from your aura. Which I am reading right now for you, Prunella Jones. Yes......very interesting...
Oh? Fine, I'll bite. What do you see in my future?
I'm seeing the color green surrounding you. Lots and lots of green...
Really? As in money? Am I going to get lots of money soon?
No....it's more....hmmm I think related to leaves? Grass maybe....
Weed? Am I gonna get a big bag of weed soon? Sweet!
No....ah yes...it's all becoming clearer now. You will be drenched in green slime when the gutters on your house - that have not been cleaned in three years - break off and fall on your head, which shall also cause a concussion.
What? That sucks!
AND THEN the green slime shall transmit hideous parasites and blood sucking leeches unto your skin causing much rashy distress.
Oh no! Leeches?
AND THEN one of the leeches shall lodge itself deep into your nasal cavity where it shall burrow in and use your blood to fertilize the eggs it lays behind your eyeballs
Gah! I don't like this future...
AND THEN the eggs will feed off of the gunk in your eyeballs until such time as the baby leeches burst forth and feast on your brain and brainial fluids
Stop it! No more!
AND THEN a hurricane will blow your house down. AND THEN a pack of hungry bears shall come in from the woods and gobble up your mother and pets. AND THEN one of the bears shall grab a great white shark by the tail and spin it around like a lasso and flog you over the head with it really hard. AND THEN the great white shark shall bite your leg off with it's enormous teeth. The left one I believe. AND THEN the bear shall bite off the right leg. AND THEN rain shall pour forth from the heavens drenching your new suede jacket. AND THEN lightening shall strike your body, burning off all off of your hair and frying your skin, black and bubbling, which shall then burst with weeping sores...
Wait a minute...all of these things are going to happen? This sounds like bullshit.
No, it's true for I have seen it. Do you doubt me?
I am 100% accurate. I'll prove it by predicting the futures of every person who leaves a comment on this post. When they all come true ye shall be....what is the word I'm thinking of? Oh yes....PWNED! Muyhahahahahahaha!
Okay then, you're on.
What about it, bloggers? Do you dare?????