Jackie Waffles is in big trouble with my mom. He just broke one of her favorite ugly vases.
He was spazzing around the house, like he usually does, when he apparently banged against a wobbly little stand my mom keeps in the entryway - in order to display said ugly, blue vase - causing the pottery to topple off and shatter into a million pieces.
I was at my desk when I heard the crash and saw Jackie streak by in a panic. He went straight to the closet and is now cowering there to escape my mom's wrath.
She is mightly pissed too. You should have heard the language! No one can cuss like an angry old Southern woman.
"That GD cat! Damn him! I'll kill his butt!" she howled, shaking her fist. "You'd better run, yella fella, cause you're no friend of mine anymore!"
"He can't help it, Mom," I said. "He's just a big, dumb oaf."
"You'd better keep him out of my way," she grumbled, while sweeping up the vase shards. "I'll smack him with this broom the next time I see him!"
Too bad I never took a picture of the vase. We could have had a vote on whether it was hideous or not (I'd vote yes). Now it is too late. I didn't even get to take a picture of the pieces as my mom swept them up so quickly. But here is a picture of the now empty stand.
It looks so lonely and empty I think I will find something to put on it to make my mom happy.
What do you think? Everybody loves the down home goodness of Chicken In A Biskit don't they? The MSG makes sure of that.
How about a skull? It would be timely since Halloween is coming up. I do enjoy decorating with skulls. They give the house a nice Hell's Angels kind of ambiance.
A Bob's Big Boy Bank might provide a whimsical touch. Plus, we could make all visitors deposit a quarter before allowing them entry into Chez Prunella. Or else charge them a quarter in order to leave. That might be a better plan, actually. W00t! I'll be rolling in money soon!
Well, how about that? My mom doesn't like any of these fabulous suggestions. She's going off right now to TJ MAXX to buy another ugly vase. Hmmmpfff some people!
Oh well, here's a picture of the unrepentant one himself chilling in his favorite tiny bowl. He's getting big, huh?
What? I didn't do anything. It wasn't me, I'm innocent I tells you! Innocent!....So, do you have any food for me?"