Monday, September 24, 2007

Signs

I've never been a big believer in omens or any sort of prophecy, but lately it seems like there are signs every where telling me it's time for a new job.

First of all, The Boobie Barn has attracted the wrath of some bible thumping loonies. They are apparently mad as heck about the jello wrestling. They think it is corrupting the city with sinfulness and they want to get the club shut down. Hey, I hated the jello wrestling too. I wouldn't mind their protests so much if they didn't call me a Whore of Babylon everytime I walk in the door. That gets old quick. Plus the way they chant, "Stone the strumpets!" constantly, well, it's downright creepy.


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Our lovable protesters. Don't they have an abortion clinic to bomb or something?




Thankfully we do have one guy who protests against the protesters for us. His name is Joe Bob and he's one of our best customers.


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Joe Bob even brought his kids out to help him this weekend. Isn't that sweet?



Captain Peanut is livid of course. I haven't seen him this angry since his diamond tooth fell into the jello pit. He made us girls fish around in there for three hours until we found it. Ugh, I will never eat jello again as long as I live.


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Captain Peanut, eloquent as usual.



As if all this stuff going on wasn't enough of a sign that I need to get another job, I opened the paper the other day to read my horoscope and it said this:

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Damn, you really need to get another job!


So I guess I will start perusing the employment ads. I really hate job hunting though. I'm not suited for much. For instance, I can't work in an office. I've had plenty of decent office jobs, but I usually spend more time plotting hideous yet ironic deaths for my co-workers, than I do working.

I can't work at Earl's. You know why.

I'm not going to work at the fully nude places.

I guess that leaves me with only one option.


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Oh boy, pantyhose with extra-small shorts. I just can't wait (to kill myself).

38 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

Was that you I was calling 'whore of Babylon'? Sorry about that. I was meaning it for the other girl. All this protesting makes me hungry. Are we still going out to eat after or do you have to work? Those chicken wings don't really fill me up, especially when I drink too much beer and end up puking it all out into the jello pit. Again, so sorry about that. But at least it led to finding that dude's diamond tooth. I mean, how lucky was that?

Mister Underhill said...

If you are still in denial about the fact we are soulmates then you are only fooling yourself. You should immediately come to vegas. If you don't feel like topless dancing any more, then you can always just be my beard. Er, personal assistant.

The part about stoning you confuses me. They never bring pot. WTF?

I love the irony of the big titted whore holding up the protest dign, too. Only in Nashville in the south is the hypocrisy so blatant.

OneHungMan said...

Joe Bob, what a maroon.

Prunella Jones said...

Memephis Steve- dude, this why I've told you that you need to quit drinking. You didn't even realize you were in the wrong protest line until they started chanting, "Cover the boobies, now!" I have admit though, it was pretty funny when you said, "but...but I love the boobies!" Even Weird Gary, the bartender laughed at that one. And as you know he rarely laughs.

Mister U- I am not in denial anymore. It's true, I love you madly and passionately to the depths of my very soul. But alas! I know that ours is a love that will never be. For you live in Las Vegas, very far from me. And I .....well....I am really a 400 pound bald man named Pete, who lives in my mom's basement playing WOW all day when I'm not blogging.

"What's that, Ma? Geez I'll take out the trash in a minute!"

Onehungman- don't you mean moran?

Mister Underhill said...

Wow, I worked with a 400 pound bald man named pete who lost his job and plays wow all day.

I NEVER KNEW YOU CARED, PETEY!

The above is true. he has puss oozing whiteheads under his scalp.

OneHungMan said...

OneHung was quoting Bugs Bunny.

Diane said...

Please come and work at my office and we can plot painful deaths all day

Scottsdale Girl said...

The chicken wings there are fucking disgusting.

The peel & eat shrimp is very good though.

Can you get me a discount?

Ryan said...

I thought the Christians loved Jello. I know they love to make Jello salads for after church get togethers.

Mister Underhill said...

PS I pray for sinner hoars, too. I pray for them to meet me in their hotel room asap.

Captain Smack said...

You and the other strippers should put on bikinis and protest outside their church on Sundays, see how they like it. It would surly make the news, and would be great advertising for the strip club. I've got millions of great ideas.

Mister Underhill said...

That is a great idea.

LA said...

You would never want to kill my co-workers. They are too rich a source of comedy and tomfoolery, a writer's jackpot of ideas.

GetFlix said...

It will be interesting to hear about the Hooter's application process.

morbid misanthrope said...

Those protesters are simpletons. You're obviously more of a Jezebel than a Whore of Babylon. And since that is the case, your horoscope should have warned you to avoid men named Jehu.

anandamide said...

Wait a second Scottsdale Girl....The wings at Hooters are disgusting?

I ask you, if the wings were so disgusting, why is the place always packed? People love those wings.

Liquid said...

I like Capitan Smacks idea!
I still have my "Hooter's" shorts....I now polish furniture with them. {{{sigh}}}
Fun place to work though! :)

Helen said...

The one protester, looked familiar, I think he's the one that slipped one of those biblical tracts that look like a fifty dollar bill in your garter, remember that?

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- hey, the whiteheads are better! I got some special shampoo.

Onehungman- what an embezzle! What an ultramaroon I am!

Diane- that would be fun. I can think up some great long, slow, torturous deaths for lawyers. (Not you of course).

SG- I may be the only person I know who has never eaten there. I've heard the wings were good, but I'm not much of a wing lover. If you ever stopped by I would give you as much free stuff as I could get away with.

Ryan- I think they do love eating jello. They just seem to frown on rolling around naked in it. I wonder why that is? You know Jesus wouldn't mind.

Mister U- has it worked yet?

Captain- it's true, you do always have the best ideas. It might be hard to rustle up some exotic dancers for a Sunday morning protest however. It has been my experience that most are not early risers. Too bad you don't live nearby. If you were here I bet you could get their lazy asses going.

LA- oh I'd probably want to kill them anyway. Being locked in an office until 5 p.m. everyday always puts me in a bad mood.

Prunella Jones said...

GF- interesting fo ryou. Depressing for me.

Morbid- hmmmm being a Jezebel is okay but I always had more admiration for Delilah. At least she sounded cool from the stories I heard about her, at the bible camp my parents forced me to go to as a child. Boy that bible camp sucked. I hope to never hear the song "Kumbaya" again for the rest of my life.

Ananadamide- I guess most Americans love anything deep fried and coated with sauce. It could be deep fried cat shit and they would probably still eat it.

Liquid- is it? That's good to know.

Helen- oooo that bastard! I also hate it when they stuff Monopoly money in there.

Memphis Steve said...

I wasn't in the wrong line. I was following a hot girl who goes to my church. You'd be surprised how much bootay gets pounded after church. Them ladies are just dressing for God. They're also dressing for a cooter-bang if the right guy comes along.

Mister Underhill said...

"I just can't wait (to kill myself)" would be an awesome motto for walmart.

Scottsdale Girl said...

anandamide:
Because people have no taste?

IDK.

kookla@work said...

Whatever you do, don't work at Hooters. The chicken wings aren't really as great as all the ogling pervs with BBQ'ed covered fingers make them out to seem.

Beefcake Almighty said...

Anyone who says they go to Hooters for the food needs to be kicked in the teeth with a brand new set of Tony Lamas.

Sudiegirl said...

Ya know...it might not be so bad, workin' at Hooters.

Gives you just as much incentive to trim the hoo-ha. I'm just sayin'.

UBERMOUTH said...

You are rather lazy , as you confess, so I would suggest a hooker would suit you and you all ready have the mandatory job equipment( a gun).

Captain Smack said...

I assumed y'all would still be up from Saturday night. Do strippers not do coke anymore? I don't know what the world's coming to.

Prunella Jones said...

Memphis Steve- traitor!

Mister U- Walmart shoppers should kill themselves. Or else just wait for all the lead paint and poisoned food they get from their low, low priced products to do them in.

SG- IDK either.

Kookla- so I hear.

Beefcake- so do you go for the excellent service?

Sudie- I need a job where I can let the bush grow out to resemble a '70s porn star and no one will notice.

Ubermouth- hmmmmm. Well I would get to spend a lot of time laying down. And, of course, have lots and lots of sex? Is there a down side to the job?

Captain- cocaine is so yesterday. Adderall and Pimpjuice are teh new hotness.

kookla@work said...

Pru, I think Beefcake goes to read the waitresses T-shirts, just like my hubby Pelegrim.

BottleBlonde said...

You're looking for a job? What a coincidence! I'm looking for an employee. I run a sweatshop in Thailand. The only requiremtns: bring a sewing needle and lube (I also run a sex trafficking ring).

Prunella Jones said...

Kookla- yeah, it's amazing how many guys enjoy reading the tee shirts. Especially now that they've got that new braille version.

Bottleblonde- you're hiring? Sweet! I don't know how to sew but I do have plenty of lube. Do you offer a 401k plan?

BottleBlonde said...

401k plan? Don't you think that's asking a wee bit much? Maybe I'll let you kick the kids (your sweat shop co-workers) instead.

Prunella Jones said...

Well, I at least need a dental plan. Kicking kids is all well and good but it don't buy mama no gold teefs now do it?

Moi said...

hoar

adjective
1. showing characteristics of age, especially having grey or white hair; "whose beard with age is hoar"-Coleridge; "nodded his hoary head"

noun
1. ice crystals forming a white deposit (especially on objects outside) [syn: frost]



Somehow, I do not think this is what she meant. I second OneHung. She is a maroon.

Sudiegirl said...

Well, I guess Hooters ain't it. Unless they let you wear black tights.

Prunella Jones said...

Moi- I didn't know that was an actual word. I'll have to remember that one.

Sudie- I think I'd prefer to wear fishnets. Anything would be an improvement over those awful tan pantyhose they make them wear.

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