Friday, September 07, 2007

I Need an Intervention

I apologize for the lack of blogging this week. Believe me, it's not because I didn't want to or was too busy. No, it's because I just realized something terrible. I am utterly and completely addicted to Adderall.

If you've never heard of Adderall, it's a medication commonly prescribed for ADD. It works great, but it is super addictive. I never knew how much until I recently tried to quit cold turkey. I've been sitting here at my desk all week, just sort of rocking back and forth and occasionally wiping the drool off my chin. It was exceptionally brutal as I had also sworn off caffeine. I guess I shouldn't have tried to quit all my vices at once. I just got carried away, what with my recent conversion to raw veganism and yoga and all.

Maybe I'll go to a NA meeting this weekend. I bet I'd meet some celebrities. And it would be good to let the real me hang out. I can just imagine how it would go:

ME - "Hello, my name is Pru and I'm an Adderall addict. I'm also addicted to smoking oregano-like substances, occasionally snorting Wellbutrin, shoplifting, telling fibs, snooping in people's medicine cabinets, washing my hands, gossiping, and creating mayhem. Oh and I'm a total hypochondriac and sometime agoraphobe."

NA CROWD - "Hi Pru."


Ugh, that sounds boring. I hate meetings. Never mind, I just won't quit. Now that I think about it, I've probably already killed off 80% of my brain cells. I need the Adderall to kick the remaining cells in the ass and get them to work.


I'm still feeling slow, so I think I will just do this meme that Mister Underhill tagged me with last week.


Elaborate on the Following:


Accent - I don't have an accent, y'all.

I Don't Drink - because when I do, I start peeling off my clothes and wearing a lampshade on my head. Actually that is a total lie. I do drink plenty.

Chore I Hate - earning money. Man, I hate that! Maybe that's why I'm so unsuccessful at doing it.

Pets - one stoned monkey named Tucksworth, a lovable but intelligence challenged beagle named Shirley, various other animals that don't seem to live as long.

Essential Electronic - a Wii. I must have it! Will someone please buy one for me?

Perfume/Cologne - when I adhere to raw veganism, my sweat smells really fresh and good, like a nice crisp apple still wet with morning dew. I should bottle and sell it, as it is better than any of that $50 stank water that JLO puts out. Also perfume makes me sneeze.

Gold or Silver? - being a hippie, I prefer groovy natural gemstones like Moss Agate and Tigers Eye. They help balance my chalkras, and those damn things need balancing.

Insomnia- yes.

Most Admired Trait- I like people who are smart and verbally quick. There are a few bloggers out there whom I worship like rock stars for their twisted imaginations and ability to make the perfect comment.

Kids- one half alien baby, now being raised by Scientologists. His name is Ozzie Danzig. (sniff) Please don't ask me about it.

Religion- no thanks.

Siblings- yes, I am the youngest of 13 children. My mom didn't even know she was pregnant when I entered the world. She thought/hoped her uterus had fallen out, but it was me instead.

Here are the names of my siblings in no particular order:

Pierre
Paquitta
PollyAnna
Pax
Posh
Phuong
Pennsylvania
Pablo
Pebbles
Pickles
Poofy
Sean-Preston

Time I Wake Up - when Tucksworth slaps me across the face and screeches. God, that monkey is such a little bitch.

Unusual Talent/Skill - I'm exceptionally good at lying. It may be my one true talent.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat - being vegan means I pretty much need to eat them all or risk starving to death. Besides, I like veggies.

Worst Habit - being superficial. Also, the inability to spell/use grammar.

X-Rays - tons. I've been abducted by Xenu several times after all. But I much prefer the x-rays to the anal probe.

My Favorite Meal - whatever is on your plate. It always looks better than whatever I ordered. Can I have a bite?



If you have ever been addicted to any substance you are hereby tagged with this meme. And if you've never been addicted to anything, you're tagged too (cause I hate you).

24 comments:

Mister Underhill said...

What can I say? You took a profoundly boring (and I might say kind of odd and confusing) meme, and make it something special. You wear a uniform, but you make it your own!

I would have thought the given names of your siblings were rather suspect, but knowing your first name is Medula by my stalkery ways and means, it all fits into place now. I admire anyone who names one of their daughters Pebbles. I assume it's a daughter, at least.

Your comment about quick witted bloggers seems to have put a lot of pressure on me. Sadly, I feel like my comments on your blog are usually kinda lame.

PS Do you want my wii? Maybe I'll let you play with it some time, at the least ;)

PPS Please kill me for that last lame comment, but I thought I would preempt any other wii comments before they occurred. Not that this will stop anyone.

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- I asked you not to reveal my given name on blogger. It's a good thing I lied to you. My name actually IS Prunella. We all got P monikers since my dad's name was Paddy. Actually that was just an Irish nickname. His real name was Jim Bob.

I left myself wide open for the filthy wii suggestions, didn't I? See, I told you my brain was still not working right.

OneHungMan said...

Hey Pru, thanks for visiting the site of OneHungMan.

Mister Underhill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diane said...

Honey - is cold turkey the way to go? Can't they wean you off the stuff? Or substitute something else?

LA said...

I know a way you can get off the Adderall. Take all the remaining doses, put them in an envelope and mail them off to me. I totally need some of that shit to help me stop eating. A friend of mine, although she won't admit it, takes her daughter's.

kookla@work said...

I will use this opportunity to confess my addiction to home improvement projects. It was only after last weekend when I was caught at Home Depot undressing the power tools with my eyes, and after they pulled me into the office and showed me the closed circuit security camera taping me caressing the lumber on Aise 41, that I finally broke down and had to admit. I love the feel of a hammer in my hand. I love the smell of the garden department. I have fallen in love with my air compressor.

I think if I could hook up with your supplier, your addiction and my addiction could make my desire to get the eaves of my house painted this weekend more realistic.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

I'm addicted to bad reality television. Did you hear a new season of Flavor of Love is coming in January? Flava FLAV!

UBERMOUTH said...

If this blossoms into a marriage between you and you-know-who can I be the ugly bridesmaid? Of course , if you say "yes", you are probably just lying anyway, aren't you?
Am I one of the quick witted bloggers you worhsip? Oh, never mind.
Really I just came to check my link!
What is a wii?

UBERMOUTH said...

You lying bitch! :)

Prunella Jones said...

Onehungman- you're welcome.

Diane- it's not such a big deal. I need it anyway. It was just shocking to see the depth of my addiction.

LA- sorry, babe. They are mine!

Kookla- maybe if we combine addictions I could finally get my bedroom painted. I've been meaning to do it for the paast year now.

Mish- can't wait for Flav. Bret from Rock of Love is so lame.

Ubermouth- how about if you act as the flower girl? Tucksworth would want to be my bridesmaid. Anyway we haven't even consumated our love yet. For all I know those peen pics were photoshopped.

I will update those links at some point, I swear. You know how lazy I am.

Diane said...

Ok . . . My addictions:

NFL football pools

making OCD lists of things to do

walking around my house before I leave making sure everything is turned off . . . and then doing it again

hording yarn as if I live in Greenland

LA said...

BTW, are you sleeping better off Adderall?

Mister Underhill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BottleBlonde said...

Any true anorexic bulimic knows what Adderall is.

Sorry, that's all I got today. I spent the night sober, which ALWAYS fucks with my drunk commenting skills.

prettykitty said...

i used to be addicted to blogs, but after a 2-step program, i was able to finally kick it:

1. turn the computer off
2. walk away from the computer

i think my appearance here in your comments proves that it will be a life long struggle as long as there are pushers like you on the internet.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I did your meme, it will appear tomorrow.

ablondeblogger said...

Now you've made me want to make the perfect comment so you'll worship me....or maybe I'm one of the ones you already worship....or not. Basically I overthought this comment so much that it sucks, which defeated the purpose, lol.

Prunella Jones said...

Diane- OCD has it's uses, doesn't it? Yarn is a good thing to hord. Much better than old newspapers or fast food wrappers. Down there at the beach you never know when you might need to knit an emergency bikini.

LA- I usually take the Addy at the crack of dawn so it's always long gone by the time I go to bed. I think I am sleeping about the same but I do notice it takes me longer to wake up in the morning without it. Like I'll get up at 6 and not really achieve conciousness until about, oh....11:30 or 12 (at night).

bottleblonde- for me at least, drunk + commenting = many WTF? comments. Even I can't make sense of them.

PK- so that's where you've been! I've missed you. Come on back to us, PK, you know you want to. Just try it again. Just a little. All your friends are doing it. What's the big deal? C'mon PK....

Brenda- oh good. I hope you tag some people and fling it around. I'm thinking of making up a new meme every week to see how far and wide I can get them to spread.

ablondeblogger- leaving the perfect comment has become something of an art form. I'm sure their will be a Martha Stewert type book on it soon. Only I hope it will be written by someone with a filthy and warped sense of humor.

Sudiegirl said...

:-p

I guess i'm addicted to paxil. and oreos.

Memphis Steve said...

I was going to say something incredibly clever, something that was so good it would melt your panties right off. But then my mind wandered and I lost it. Got any Aderall I could borrow?

Prunella Jones said...

Sudie- well II don't know about Paxil but Oreos are really hard to quit.

Memphis Steve- sorry I just snorted the last one.

morbid misanthrope said...

Luckily for me, I've never been addicted to anything ... um, I was only drinking all that alcohol to punish my organs for their frailty and to try to toughen them up. You know, like when you pick on retarded kids with mangled limbs and scream, "You better get used to this shit, you drooling cripple!"

Speaking of addictions, Murderous Misanthrope has been walking around all day singing Robert Palmer songs with his own lyrics substituted for the originals, one of which was "You might as well face it, you're addicted to blood." He's not very clever, but his singing voice is angelic.

Prunella Jones said...

Oh that Murderous Misanthrope! He sounds like such a precious fellow. I wish Mrs. Danvers had that cheeky a sense of humor. The only things she's addicted to are bible reading and squeezing the fuck out of the Charmin at the grocery store. Oh and she's a total klepto but we won't go there.