Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Perils of Prunella

Casino owner Ram Sexington quirked an eyebrow as he stared at the lovely girl in front of him.

"So it was you who stole the hundred thousand dollars in nickles from my video poker machine? Well, well, can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police?"

Prunella straigtened her spine and raised her sea blue eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry, sir. It was wrong of me. But the orphans desperately needed food, blankets, and a Kabballah center. You have millions, surely you can spare a few nickles to help these children!"

"A regular female Robin Hood, are you?" Ram's green eyes were sardonic as they moved up and down her slim figure in the soft pale silk of her dress. "That's a lovely idea, but you would have been better off had you come to me privately and asked for the money. Perhaps we could have worked out some...arrangement. But when you steal from me, well, I really cannot overlook it. I am a businessman not a saint."

"No, more of a sinner I should think."

Despite the flippancy of her answer, Prunella was apprehensive. Something about Ram set up a vibration of nerves inside of her. He was so big, so dark and muscular, and she could feel the undercurrent of real intention in his gaze. He wouldn't think twice about taking a woman if he fancied her, and never before had she come up against this kind of primitive libido.

"You're right about that, Miss Jones," Ram spoke with a soft menace. "I am a sinner with no fear of the fires of hell. I shall quite enjoy them. Now let us discuss how you are going to repay me that money."

"I can work for you," Pru said eagerly. "I'm a fast typist and -- "

Ram smiled and took a step towards her. "I already have a secretary. No...the job I have in mind for you involves spending a lot of time on your back... in my bed."

"How dare you!" she gasped, outraged. "Go ahead and call the police. I'd rather take my chances in prison then sully myself with a beast like you!"

She turned on her heel to leave when suddenly, with one quick and nimble movement he grasped her slender arm in an iron grip and pulled her tightly against him. She could feel the heat of his bulging manhood pressing hard into her backside. "You're not going anywhere, little thief. You are mine!"

"Don't do this to me," she cried, struggling to break free. "we'll both be degraded ---"

"Pleasurably so," he rejoined, his lips brushing the sensitive nape of her neck. An alarming sensation shot through her when he reached out a hand and found the jewelled pin that secured her hair in it's prim bun. With one swift motion he pulled the pin and the tumbling strands of shining gold fell softly to her shoulders. Ram wrapped his fingers in hair and turned her round to face him.

"I'm taking you, so you had better stop fighting me," he growled. "You had better give in to the idea, for your silky white skin looks as if it might bruise easily."

So what do you think should happen next? How can Pru get away from this horndog? Help me finish this scene.

** I stole this idea from MJ as usual.


Mister Underhill said...

Ooh, somehow I think Pru my enjoy Ram's attentions. At any rate the thought of it makes me tingly in my pance!

OneHungMan said...

Why would Pru want to get away? OneHung thinks an agressive button should be pushed and Pru should make Ram her bitch.

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- no, no. In a romance novel she can't enjoy it or at least she can't admit she enjoys it for at least 200 pages.

Onehungman- well.... she doesn't really want to get away, but this is a romance not a porno.

Mister Underhill said...

I have a long peen, but I don't think it's 200 pages long :(

OneHungMan said...

Romance/ a dude, they're the same thing. said...

I don't know, but it better involve the ripping of a bodice.

Beefcake Almighty said...


I KNOW!!!!



Scottsdale Girl said...

Somehow this didn't turn out as you planned did it Pru.

Pru leaned into him as if to kiss him and when Ram's serpent like tongue parted her lips she BIT THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND RAN.

Howz that?

Captain Smack said...

I instinctively felt that the Ram Sexington character was in deep spiritual conflict with his own true nature, unable to express himself fully.

At the same time, it seems that Prunella herself is desperate to resolve some kind of gender-role issues from her past, perhaps having to do with a lack of strong male role models during her formative years...

Therefor, I think the next move is obvious: Ram gives Pru an ass spanking with a long, black liquorish stick (which, of course, symbolizes both of the characters' disconnect with their lost innocence).

MJ said...

"I'm taking you," growled Ram (full name Ram Rod Sexington)..."unless you can prove to me this instant you're not hiding the cash in your own secret nickel slot?"

Diane said...

"How can Pru get away from this horndog?"

Kick him in the nuts

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Enter the orphans Prunella was stealing the nickels in order to save. These little scamps have set up an elaborate set of boobie-traps (hehe, boobie...) and thus begins a "Home Alone" type escapade, with Ram bearing the brunt of each painful, yet comical stunt.

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- well how many pages are we talking exactly?

onehungman- yeah I know how it goes.

Brenda- well of course a bodice is going to get ripped at least once. It's the number one rule of romance.

Beefcake- UFO? Unsolicited Finger (in) Opening?

SG- (sigh) you're right about that.

Biting, eh? I like that. My little chompers are dangerous. Chomp, chomp.

Captain- dude, I think you are reading too much into this. Sometimes a liquorish stick is just a liquorish stick.

MJ- Ram Rod is good. Why didn't I think of that? I think I will steal that as well.

Diane- while effective, nut kicking is not very romantic. Pru is too much of an innocent good girl to do something so wicked. Besides, Ram is such a badass his nuts are made of steel.

Mish- bring on the orphans! Who doesn't enjoy those lovable, starving, little bastards?

Jenster said...

I was going to say she could tell him she prefers women, but that would just inflame his ardor. You know how men are.

So maybe if she made a rude comment about the miniscule size of his "happiness"... this would lead to said happiness deflating into much sadness.

Just a thought.

BottleBlonde said...

Pru tasers his balls and makes him cry like the little bitch that he is. (much in the same way that the Univ. of Florida student cried after being tasered)

Sudiegirl said...

One word - taser.

Yep. A taser with its safety on (or whatever a taser has for a safety) lodged discreetly in Pru's cleavage should do it.

Scottsdale Girl said...

Tastes his balls

Tasers his balls

Same thing right?

Might need some new contacts.

Mister Underhill said...

Jenster, I have agreat peen! I mena, Ram does. So I hear.

Helen said...

Pru looks wildly around the room, even as Ram--well rammed--her hand into his groin.

"Can you feel my ardor, bitch?" he growled.

Pru's eye fell on a weathered wooden board on display above Ram's sideboard. Her experience in Turkish antiquities told her that this was a remnant from a massive ship found at the top of Mt. Ararat--the ark of legend.

She lunged, and heard the seams in the bodice of her dove-colored Prada blouse split--damn that Taiwanese street merchant, a knock-off!

Captain Smack said...

Ohhhhh, I get it now. I just followed the MJ link. So we're supposed to, like, write the rest of the story ourselves. Ok, I see. It's kind of like going out for fondue. Now I have to start all over again.

GetFlix said...

Suddenly Pru's moment of heat turns to panic as she sees Mr. Tucksworth's little monkey head peek from behind a ceiling panel. "Oh no," whispers the sexually charged damsel, "there's a monkey behind you!!"

"Sweetheart!" Ram mutters while running his large hands down her backside, "I ain't falling for," quickly failing to finish his sentence as the primate sucessfully drops a steel skillet onto the surly casino owner, knocking him out.

"You fucking little monkey," Pru screamed, "I haven't had sex in over a week!! A girl has her needs!!" Needless to say, Tuckworth was running and shrieking with so much excitement, Pru knew she could never tame his steadfast loyalty.

"Fine." Pru flatly concludes. "Let's go home and get stoned. But if you play Rubber Soul one more time I gonna kick your ass."


Prunella Jones said...

Jenster- hmmmmm. Let's try it.

PRU: "I'm sorry, Mr. Sexington, but I can't sleep with you. For I am a lesbian who can only get excited by kissing and caressing the soft skin of another woman."

RAM: "Sweet! Let me just call my girlfriend. She's always wanted to try it!"

No, that wouldn't work very well. As for the other suggestion, I think a well timed snicker would probably deflate things.

Bottleblonde- yeah, that kid was a baby. I just saw on the news that some cops tasered a woman seven times after dragging her out of a bar brawl and she was still getting up and trying to kick out the window of the cop car. That's pretty hardcore.

Sudie- yes, every lady should keep a taser in her cleavage for just such emergencies.

SG- screw the contacts! Life is much more fun when you see only what you want to see. At least that's my opinion.

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- fictional Pru may be the only person on the internet who hasn't seen your peen. At this point, even the orphans have checked it out.

Helen- nicely done! That was a great way to work in the crucial bodice ripping.

Captain- well, I didn't explain the concept very well, did I? I'm great at stealing ideas but I always mess it up somehow.

GF- that was incredible! I could see the whole thing happening, just like a movie. But I must remind you this is supposed to be a work of fiction, not one of my typical Friday nights.

LA said...

Pru's got jungle fever, Pru's got jungle fever!

(Bravo, Flix!)


Pru whips out her gun and ppoints it south and says wiht a cheesy accent" You vill get on your kness and lick zee toes of Pru, you cumbag!"


Typo! I meant Scumbag!

Prunella Jones said...

LA- who me? You must be mistaking me for my mother. I am chaste of body and pure of mind. My only thoughts are of improving the orphans lives.

Ubermouth- zat zounds like a verwee ennnnnteresting ending. Enchante'.

I like your typo. It's very Freudian.

LA said...

But Pru, you described Ram as such: "was so big, so dark and muscular"

You can see how I was confused.

morbid misanthrope said...

I was going to attempt to play along, but whenever I try to write something romantic, everyone usually just gets killed, goes crazy due to syphilis, or I just end up writing Anal Blast lyrics by accident and then spend the rest of the evening laughing like Beavis and Butthead.

I imagine Norah, a character from Maugham's Of Human Bondage, wrote novels much like this. That, however, is probably where the similarities between you two end. Unless, of course, you’re currently in a relationship with an indecisive man with a club-foot.

Prunella Jones said...

LA- I was thinking dark as in an Arab or Greek, but actually I think I like your suggestion. Ram could be a brother with a six pack. No, make that a 12 pack, baby.

Morbid- I expected you to suggest a shiv to the face for Ram. Romance is fun for me to write, but I realize it is not for everyone. I took a look at some Anal Blast lyrics on line (since I haven't heard their music), and I must say the sheer poetry of "Stepped in Cowshit Blues" moved me to tears. If you are capable of writing lines of such beauty then maybe you should stick to that. The world has enough romance writers already.

Your comparison of me to Norah made me smile. It's true that I would never put up with the shit she took from Philip. My boyfriend, Gimpy, will be marrying me soon! Unless, of course, his ex decides she wants him back. I wish he would make up his damn mind!

Memphis Steve said...

What 'get away'? Let's see some humpin' n pumpin'!