Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Who Is Dr. Zibbs? The Interview

Who is Dr. Zibbs?

I mean, apart from all the obvious stuff. Of course, everybody knows he's a world famous, wildly popular blogger, creator of the award winning That Blue Yak, and the internet's current "It Boy". But who is he really? I was recently given the chance to find out when he granted me one of his rare interviews.

I wasn't sure what to expect. I've never interviewed anyone famous before.

Oh sure, there was that one time I talked to Britney Spears's hair weave specialist, but that wasn't such a big deal. Plus, I've heard all the rumors going around about Dr. Zibbs and they are kinda freaky. You know the ones, about how he's really a 400 year old vampire/werewolf hybrid, who spent 200 of those years chained up in the basement of lunatic asylum. And how he supposedly penned Men Without Hats one big hit song, "Safety Dance." I've even heard that he once worked for Stevie Nicks blowing cocaine up her ass with a straw after she ruined her nostrils, and that he has 14 wives and 60 children in 49 different states. So needless to say, I was a bit intimidated.

Meeting the man did nothing to set me at ease. We made arrangements for him to stop by my house last night, which he did, roaring up the street at midnight in a rusty Ford Mustang filled with giggling blond co-eds and a guy in a bear suit, and driving over my bitchfaced neighbor's trash can in the process. It was one heck of an entrance.

"Sorry 'bout that," he shrugged, as he plopped down on my couch and gave me a killer grin.

Physically he wasn't at all what I was expecting. I mean, he had a hook for an eye! And another for a hand! And he was dressed in a clown suit! Apart from all that though, he was kinda hawt in a handsome, possible serial killer sort of way. I suppose I was thinking of that when I started the interview off with a really dumb question. (His answers are italicized.)

"So, Dr. Zibbs....um are you a serial killer?"

Uhhhhh....hmmmm," he thought for a minute. "Exactly how spread out do the killing have to be to make it a true serial killing? And what if victims weren't important?"

I wasn't sure how to answer so I just stared. He stared back. It was so quiet I could hear the clock ticking and the dog scratching her fleas. I decided to let that one go.

"Okay then, next question. What is your birth date and astrological sign? Do you check your horoscope daily even if you think it's bullshit?"

"My birthdate is January 8. I never look at horoscopes because it's BS and boring."

I was still slightly nervous so I made a dumb joke for the next question.

"Are those Bugle Boy Jeans you're wearing?"

"Why no," he seemed puzzled. "They're clown pants."

I blushed. "Sorry, nevermind. So, aliens exist and have been to our planet - yes or no?"

"I will say no because there is zero evidence other than the UFO image in that one pyramid," he said, then sat back and let out a belch so loud it sounded like a gunshot and made my dog jump.

By then I was starting to relax and get into the interview.

"If you could switch lives with a blogger for one day, who would it be and why?"

"Cameron because I saw a picture of his wife and she looked pretty cute. I'm not sure why he took it down."

"Maybe because dudes like you were skeeving on her?" I offered. Dr. Zibbs gave me a half smile that might have been amusement, or possibly gas since he belched again.

"If you were a pirate what would your name be?"

"Peggy "the parrot whisperer" McBeard.

"Have you ever worn a Fu Manchu mustache?"

"NO. I shave everyday. I grew a goatie once and a bit of it on the chin came in grey. Plus, it's hard to eat without getting food caught in it."

"Which finger do you use to pick your nose? Are you a righty or a lefty?" D'oh, too late, I remembered the hook hand.

Dr. Zibbs held up the hook, which gleamed wickedly in the lamplight. "I only use sanitized medical instruments," he sniffed.

"What is the secret of your success?"

"Being fabulous but I'm going to stop using that term because I think it might mean gay."

"I know you are a fan of Twitter. If you had to summarize your life in 140 characters or less, what would you say?"

"Creator and Taker of lives and souls," he chuckled and let out another gunshot loud burp. My dog, who had drifted off to sleep by his feet was so startled that she jumped up, barked, and farted at the same time.

"Ha ha, good dog!" Dr. Zibbs cackled and stood up. "We've done ten questions, right? Time for me to motor."

"Wait!" I cried. "I feel like we are just getting started here. You don't reveal much. Can I ask ten more?"

"Sorry baby," he grinned. "I intentionally don't reveal too much. But if there's anything else you want to know just ask me. I may or may not tell you but...." then he winked (with his good eye, not the hook one) slapped me on the ass, and was gone.

From my window I watched him climb back into the chick filled car. The guy in the bear suit waved and blew me a kiss as Dr. Zibbs gunned the motor and backed over my bitchfaced neighbor's trash can again - spraying garbage all over her otherwise perfect lawn - and then raced off into the night.

So, who is Dr. Zibbs? I, for one, still have no idea. And he likes it that way.

22 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Oh my God. That intro is friggin Great!!!!

And I love the hook for an eye. I'm stealing that line.

You really know how to paint a picture - even though you just described the real thing that happened last night when you interviewed me.

Prunella Jones said...

Too bad you wouldn't let me take a photo. Those clown pants were bitchin.

xl said...

[high five to Dr Zibbs for the trash can thing]

Girl Interrupted said...

Wow Pru!!! You lucky thing!

Damn, he sounds even hotter than I thought!!

Nice job! :P

Prunella Jones said...

It was amazing, GI. Plus, it was great when he ran over my neighbor's garbage. I hate that hobag biatch.

words...words...words... said...

Pru, you really know how to frame an interview. Excellent post. But why didn't you blow me a kiss back?

- Guy In Bear Suit

B.E. Earl said...

I can't stop looking at sparkly bat boy in the banner pic. Once I finally get past that, I'll read the interview. ;)

Prunella Jones said...

Words - I did, I guess you couldn't see because it was so dark. I also flashed my tits.

diane said...

I laughed out loud when I got to the part where your dog barked and farted at the same time! Great interview!

WendyB said...

Hook eyes always make me shudder.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Awesome interview! If only you interviewed more interesting people.... people that come here a lot... people that are destined to be your eighth husband... you know....

Cora said...

That's exactly how I always imagine Zibbs.

Check!

Check!

Check!

Dr Zibbs said...

Just checking into see if anyone is trashing me.

Prunella Jones said...

Well, my bitchface neighbor had a few choice words for you but I told her to eat a bowl of dicks. I love that expression and really enjoy any chance I have to use it.

Shawn said...

OMG! I always knew that he liked you best! :::mutter::: He only let me see him as a hazy shadow behind black sheeting! No hook, no eye, no clown pants.

It's my saggy boobs I think.

Cameron said...

I always figured he wore clown pants, I just didn't know why. Great interview!!

Dr Zibbs said...

"eat a bowl of dicks" - you should create t-shirts. Or a line of those mini books.

The first one could be called. "Eat a Bowl of Dicks and Other Things You Can Do"

Prunella Jones said...

Shawn- if there's one thing I know it's that guys love boobs. All boobs no matter what they look like. In fact, who doesn't like boobs? I know I enjoy them. Heck, even gay guys like them. So haul those suckers up and wear them proudly!

Cheasty said...

wow. i've never checked out Dr. Zibbs before, but I think i'm about to become his biggest fan. way to go on the in-depth investigative reporting, Pru. inspiring, and a real call to arms for the desperately apathetic journalists of today's media. hoo-rah!

Michelle said...

Great interview but I need to know which part of the hook hand he uses to pick his nose please!!!

jeremy said...

he can dance if he wants to.

~E said...

sanitized medical instruments? I call BS...who knows where that hook has been?