Wednesday, March 19, 2008

8 Reasons Yesterday Rocked

I woke up early, but not at the crack of dawn like I usually do. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping and I was full of energy and good cheer. For a minute I was puzzled. What was different? Why had I been able to sleep in past sunrise? Then I realized that my neighbor's dog was not barking (1) for once! Maybe some investigators from the Humane Society had shown up and arrested my bitchface neighbor and I'll get to watch her being led away in handcuffs on an episode of Animal Cops. Or maybe someone had thrown the poor mutt some poisoned meat and put him out of his misery. Either way it was nice to finally have a night of uninterupted sleep!

I bounced out of bed and made my breakfast. Fresh squeezed orange juice and whole grain toast with vegan cream cheese and candy sprinkles (2). Yum yum.

Hot tea and Adderall were also important parts of this nutritious breakfast.

Mister Sprinkles makes everything taste better. All food should come out of a clown shaped container if you ask me.

After breakfast I took a quick shower but avoided shampooing my hair. I'm letting it get good and dirty before I dye it back to my favorite shade of hoochie blonde. A hairdresser gave me this tip. Apparently the grease and oil help keep the bleach from eating holes in your scalp. Plus filthy hair makes it is easier to keep my tard bangs swept to the side(3). It will be such a happy day when those things grow out.

Since I wasn't scheduled to work at The Boobie Barn(4) I decided to go shopping. Although I only had $19 in my pocket that was plenty as my favorite places to shop are Goodwills, Thrifts, and Dollar Stores. Check out this cool Chewbacca notepad(5) I scored. Perfect for a girl who loves wookies and making lists.

Chewbacca is my favorite. You know, it always bugged me that at the end of Star Wars, Han and Luke got medals but Chewie didn't. What was up with that?

On that note, this video (6) made me laugh.

And later while practicing my normal afternoon yoga routine, my chakras suddenly fell into place and I attained enlightenment(7) accepting the divine within myself and becoming one with the universe. That was pretty sweet.

Namaste! My mantra goes something like this - Krishna, Krishna, Gesundheit. Try it sometime.

I ended the day by attending a Lesbian Spanking Festival(8) with my good friends Lindsay Lohan and Paula Abdul. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures to post from there. I brought my camera with me but.....I got busy. Sorry.

All in all yesterday was pretty perfect. That gypsy curse my family has been living under for generations appears to be lifting. Finally! Good thing I met that psychic who lives behind the dumpster of the 711. She's the one who clued me in. A thousand dollars to get rid of it seemed a little excessive to me, but it looks like that money was well spent, huh?

**One of these things may be a lie. Can you guess which one? I'll post the answer in the comments.


Prunella Jones said...

Okay, okay, I'll confess. I didn't use vegan cream cheese on my toast. It was the real stuff.

Mister Underhill said...

Wow, how come I never get invited to these lesbian spanking festivals. WHY, YAHWEH?!?!

Prunella Jones said...

The only way to find out the secret location of these things is to listen to The Indigo Girls CDs backwards at midnight. You could give that a try.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

You really need to remember to take more pictures... You do know what the press would pay for them don't you? said...

Cream cheese and sprinkles. You rock at life, Pru

Krissyface said...

The only thing I like more than wookies and making lists is jedi knights and making lists.
That sounded funnier in my head.
Goddamn it.

Diane said...

Ha! Chewbacca totally rocked. He was my fav Star Wars character. And the most used feature on my new iPhone is the notes feature for making lists.

Mister Underhill said...

You mean I got all these liz phair cds for nothing?

Someone named steve keeps calling me nonstop. I suppose he is a bill collector. Guess what steve? I won't be working here, soon. SUCKER!


The lsbian spanking class sounds a fake. Sorry.

MsPuddin said...

Vegan cream cheese sounds nasty! My mom is on a vegan diet. I wonder if that why she’s always so moody. Do the sprinkles add texture or flavor???

Prunella Jones said...

Ron- Oh, I couldn't sell out the sisterhood that way! Well, not unless at least three figures were involved.

Brenda- sprinkles aren't any worse than jelly on toast IMO. And they are pretty!

Krissyface- the voices in my head thought it was pretty funny. Well except for the old german man, Clurgen Von Jurgen. He's kind of a grouch.

Diane- are you loving your iPhone? Everyone I know with one of those is completely enchanted with it.

Mister U- I told you it wasn't a good idea to write your number in gas station bathrooms! Tell Steve you don't do that stuff anymore now that you've got religion.

Ubermouth- you mean lesbian spank festivals aren't common in jolly old England? Why I go to three or four a year at least!

Mspuddin- admittedly, vegan cream cheese is not the tastiest bread spread. There are limits to what tofu can do.

Candy sprinkles add pizzazz.

Mister Underhill said...

How did you know? Have you been hanging out in men's bathrooms? SLUT!

Mister Underhill said...

Pizazz, is that what you call it? I am prettys ure it adds the same thing magic mushrooms do.

Diane said...

pru - I have to admit that I do TOTALLY dig it

D. Prince said...

I couldn't agree more about Chewbacca. He's my favourite non-human and he was my first crush when I was a little girl!

BUMBLE!!! said...

I just watched Star Wars the other day and I don't remember those words on there. That said, I feel for Chewie.

Where do all of the other cool kids get a Mr. Sprinkles?

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- shhhh. Quit telling all my secrets!

Diane- I'm totally jealous. I'd love one.

D.Prince- I'd rather kiss a wookie than the majority of men I meet.

Bumble- Mister Sprinkles came from the supermarket. Look in the ice cream aisle with the cones and fudge sauce.

morbid misanthrope said...

You do know you can reach enlightenment by cannibalizing the already enlightened, right? I mean, it saves you a lot of time and gay-ass meditating and yoga. Brutal murder followed by binge cannibalism is like the Einstein-Rosen Bridge to enlightenment. Part of being enlightened is working smart and not hard.

Prunella Jones said...

Morb- well, it's very hard to find enlightened people nowadays. I mean, there are plenty of smug types who claim enlightenment, but they are usually so impressed with themselves that it kind of ruins everything. I do like the idea of working smart not hard, since I'm extremely lazy. However, as a vegetarian I don't think I could choke down any flesh, even if it is from a body who has reached nirvana. Unless enlightened meat is naturally leaner or something. I gotta keep my stomach from porking out over my thong.