I woke up early, but not at the crack of dawn like I usually do. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping and I was full of energy and good cheer. For a minute I was puzzled. What was different? Why had I been able to sleep in past sunrise? Then I realized that my neighbor's dog was not barking (1) for once! Maybe some investigators from the Humane Society had shown up and arrested my bitchface neighbor and I'll get to watch her being led away in handcuffs on an episode of Animal Cops. Or maybe someone had thrown the poor mutt some poisoned meat and put him out of his misery. Either way it was nice to finally have a night of uninterupted sleep!
I bounced out of bed and made my breakfast. Fresh squeezed orange juice and whole grain toast with vegan cream cheese and candy sprinkles (2). Yum yum.
Hot tea and Adderall were also important parts of this nutritious breakfast.
Mister Sprinkles makes everything taste better. All food should come out of a clown shaped container if you ask me.
After breakfast I took a quick shower but avoided shampooing my hair. I'm letting it get good and dirty before I dye it back to my favorite shade of hoochie blonde. A hairdresser gave me this tip. Apparently the grease and oil help keep the bleach from eating holes in your scalp. Plus filthy hair makes it is easier to keep my tard bangs swept to the side(3). It will be such a happy day when those things grow out.
Since I wasn't scheduled to work at The Boobie Barn(4) I decided to go shopping. Although I only had $19 in my pocket that was plenty as my favorite places to shop are Goodwills, Thrifts, and Dollar Stores. Check out this cool Chewbacca notepad(5) I scored. Perfect for a girl who loves wookies and making lists.
Chewbacca is my favorite. You know, it always bugged me that at the end of Star Wars, Han and Luke got medals but Chewie didn't. What was up with that?
On that note, this video (6) made me laugh.
And later while practicing my normal afternoon yoga routine, my chakras suddenly fell into place and I attained enlightenment(7) accepting the divine within myself and becoming one with the universe. That was pretty sweet.
Namaste! My mantra goes something like this - Krishna, Krishna, Gesundheit. Try it sometime.
I ended the day by attending a Lesbian Spanking Festival(8) with my good friends Lindsay Lohan and Paula Abdul. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures to post from there. I brought my camera with me but.....I got busy. Sorry.
All in all yesterday was pretty perfect. That gypsy curse my family has been living under for generations appears to be lifting. Finally! Good thing I met that psychic who lives behind the dumpster of the 711. She's the one who clued me in. A thousand dollars to get rid of it seemed a little excessive to me, but it looks like that money was well spent, huh?
**One of these things may be a lie. Can you guess which one? I'll post the answer in the comments.