Monday, March 10, 2008

3 Threes

Three Reasons My Neighbor Deserves a Dagger in Her Midsection

1. She leaves her dog outside 23 hours a day and he barks his head off.

2. She never answers her phone or responds to any complaints about her barking dog.

3. She wears super tight, ugly sweatsuits with the word Juicy written on the butt and has major bitch face.

Three Reasons The Boobie Barn Should Be Set on Fire

1. It's been taken over by a new management team even worse and more moronic than the last, hard as that may be to believe.

2. They have decided to install a mechanical bull so we can have something called Buck Naked Bullriding Nite. Hee haw!

3. Five words. Frat boys with water pistols.

Three Things I Hope I Can Do Today

1. Get rid of those stubborn mildew stains in the shower.

2. Take back my horribly overdue library books.

3. Refrain from stabbing my neighbor and setting The Boobie Barn on fire.


Mister Underhill said...

Isn't that last one four things? I suppose that stabbing your neighbor could be a part of setting the boobie barn on fire, though, especially if she's part of the new management.

Dear God, it's me, Underhill. Why is it whenever I come over to Prunella's blog I never have anything clever to say?


Hi Pru!
This is the first time I leave a comment. I´ve recently been recommended to your blog and I really have the laughs!! So creative!!
Additional Data: I write from Argentina, way down south america. How about that!!

WendyB said...

LOL @ "bitch face."

Mister Underhill said...

Did xl recommend you?

Mister Underhill said...

I came here when I moved up to two steps away from being 'clear'. Tom approves this blog greatly.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

It's important when setting goals to start small so as to not discourage yourself. I would start out by just trying to return the overdue library books.

Krissyface said...

Prunella, I do love your blog.

and I love the phrase "bitch face".

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- this is God speaking, Mister Underhill. I made you a very clever fellow and a sexy one. But son, you need to stop typing out comments with your penis! Things will go much more smoothly if you remember that.

Jupelintz- thank you so much for leaving a comment. I really appreciate it.

Argentina, huh? Cool, I just happen to be fluent in Spanish. Let us converse.

"No me gustan los caballos. Me burro esta muerto."

For those of you that don't know Spanish, I just said how much I'd love being so fluent in other languages. It's a gift really.

Wendyb- bitch face is not a good accessory. I'd rather have jewelry.

Mister U- what did I tell you about chasing off XL?

Come back XL! We just want to get to know you!

Ron- good advice. I did return the library books. And the mildew stains are getting there. And I updated my links (and added you). This day was somewhat productive.

Krissyface- thanks, my good lady. I added you to my links.

BUMBLE!!! said...

The last 1 makes it 4 things.

bitch face is good.
bitch ass works as well.

ESPECIALLY if it's a juicy ass.
wonder if your neighbor is Jose Canseco's X wife. said...

I don't know....a juicy ass? I sometimes get that when its 105 degrees outside and my ass starts feeling like a swamp.

GetFlix said...

Poor dog!! Call animal control on her bitch-faced, juicy ass!!

MsPuddin said...

stab her and say the monkey did it!

xl said...

"Come back XL"

Thank you so much Ms Pru.

My comment on the terrific triptych posting is to turn Tucksworth loose on your neighbor's sorry ass.

Diane said...

I have a biker/drug dealer neighbor who drives his motor home to my house to wash it with my hose . . . he's shocked when my brother shoos him away from the house and hose

Prunella Jones said...

Bumble- meh, technicalities!

Brenda- I'd love to see a pair of sweatpants with "Swapass" written on the back in glitter. Hawt!

GF- I've thought about it many times.

MsPuddin- it's nice having someone to blame things on.

XL- your comments are always appreciated XL.

Diane- it's amazing how people can be so thoughtless. Or is it shameless?

M-M-M-Mishy said...

I only have one reason why I need to dagger my neighbour's midsection: The outrageous amounds of porn he consumes at an outrageously high volume level. EW.

Mister Underhill said...

So how'd things go with the mexican wrestler?


JAJAJAJAJAJAJA! Me hiciste reir..!
Tu español es realmente muy bueno!! Me imagino la cantidad y el tipo de frases que debés conocer .... Otras formas de decir lo mismo, es "pindonga fuera de servicio". Sólo para que amplies tu vocabulario......

Translation: Your spanish is great. And definetely, it would be great to know a lot of languages and broaden your vocabulary.

Mister underhill: my sister also from Argentina recommended me to this blog.

Prunella Jones said...

Mish- that is a dagger worthy offensive if I ever heard one.

Mister U- it was true love so we got married and are happily living in the dimension of dolls.

Jupelintz- I was just teasing about being fluent in Spanish. I barely know English. You are sweet to say that though.

Watch out for Mister Underhill. He ain't been right since that time he got struck by lightening.

LA said...

This post seriously deserves some photos. Especially of "bitch face."

morbid misanthrope said...

I suggest you stab your neighbor in the midsection with her dog. Man, how cool would that be? Murderous Misanthrope has just added that to his flesh-paper, blood-ink list of interesting ways to kill people.

I have a question; although, I think I already know the answer.

Can someone have bitch face and be a bitch-ass at the same time?

Prunella Jones said...

LA- I'm willing but it is hard to get a picture of a neighbor who won't even talk to me. If I take a snapshot she might sue me.

Morb- hmmm that is a good question. I should think you find the two together. An example might be Burt and Ernie on Sesame Street. Burt definately had bitch face and Ernie, of course, was a bitch ass punk. Every five year old knows that.

Mister Underhill said...

I thought ernie was a jive-ass turkey.