Three Reasons My Neighbor Deserves a Dagger in Her Midsection
1. She leaves her dog outside 23 hours a day and he barks his head off.
2. She never answers her phone or responds to any complaints about her barking dog.
3. She wears super tight, ugly sweatsuits with the word Juicy written on the butt and has major bitch face.
Three Reasons The Boobie Barn Should Be Set on Fire
1. It's been taken over by a new management team even worse and more moronic than the last, hard as that may be to believe.
2. They have decided to install a mechanical bull so we can have something called Buck Naked Bullriding Nite. Hee haw!
3. Five words. Frat boys with water pistols.
Three Things I Hope I Can Do Today
1. Get rid of those stubborn mildew stains in the shower.
2. Take back my horribly overdue library books.
3. Refrain from stabbing my neighbor and setting The Boobie Barn on fire.