Sunday, October 28, 2007


So, I guess I haven't posted very much lately. I don't really have any good reason for not posting. It's certainly not because I've been too busy with my fabulous and fascinating life. Don't I wish! No, I've actually been behaving myself pretty well lately, doing my yoga, following my raw vegan diet without too much cheating, reading a lot of books, and trying not to spend money.

God, I'm dull!

See why I haven't posted? I'm even boring Tucksworth. That monkey no longer bothers to scream and fling poo like he used to whenever I would turn on my Wilco CDs and assume the Lotus position. Instead he just shrugs and goes back to terrorizing the cat.

But now it's 4:30 A.M. on a Saturday night (technically Sunday morning I suppose) and I feel like posting something, dammit! But what?

I was considering writing about the time I met Fabio, but that's kind of a dull story. He just shook my hand, and couldn't have been nicer. (He is, however, even more amazingly cheesy looking up close than you'd imagine.)

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You can't believe it's not butter, can you?

I was just about to give up when I remembered Bottle Blonde's excellent post on blogging 101. If you've never been to her blog, please check it out. She's one funny chick, and gorgeous as well. Anyway, she urges everyone to post pictures of themselves and I agree with her. I don't know about you, but whenever I start reading a person's blog, I find myself wondering what they look like. I've kind of developed a mental picture of each of the bloggers that I read regularly, although I'm sure it's completely wrong.

I've been a bit shy about posting pictures of myself, but what the hell? It's not like I have to worry about being dooced. So without further ado, I present you with some dorky pics.

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Take the friggin picture already!

Here I am at a family function, completely sober. I can tell I'm sober because I'm smiling my fake smile and looking oh so enthused. Plus, I remember being uncomfortable because I was wearing an ugly dress and barely any makeup. My mom has a cow about dressing appropriately for these types of things. She seems to think that if I'm dressed like a lady, I'll behave like one. As if! You would think she'd know better by now.

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Just add alcohol and weeeee!

What a difference two hours and three glasses of wine make! Whenever I drink, I start getting a Paris Hilton wonk eye. Seriously, one of my eyes (usually the left) will bunch up into a squint like a pirate or something. Argggh, matey! It doesn't take much alcohol to get it started either. Two drinks and the eyelid begins its slide. I can usually feel it happening, but by that point I don't care. So many of my pictures have been ruined by that dopey squint.

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My hippie hair, ass, and the hideous lamp that my mom just bought.

I took this pic because I was so happy to finally be able to fit into these jeans again that I had to document it. I've never had a weight problem, but these jeans were definitely getting too tight and I was developing a muffin top, much to my chagrin.

In case you've never heard that term, here's the definition:

Muffin Top- The roll of fat that hangs over the top of too-tight, low rise jeans.

Now thanks to the mostly raw vegan diet and some ADD drugs, not only do the jeans fit again, they are even slightly loose. Yay!

If I had good photoshop skills I would caption that picture like one of the LOLZ Cats. I would make it say I CAN'T HAZ CHEEZBURGER! I'Z VEGAN! If somebody wants to do that for me, it would make me laugh. Those damn cats are hilarious.

And finally, I do have a photo of my rack if you want to see it. I took it when I was trying to get a good shot to send to Ms. Smack's "Guess the Blogger's Breasts" challenge. I think it's a pretty demure picture, but my nipple did pop up so I guess that makes it NSFW. I have thoughtfully hidden it just in case you don't want to see, but why wouldn't you? I know I enjoy looking at boobies. Mine aren't real big or anything, but they are spectacular if I do say so myself. Okay, not really, but by some trick of the light the boob that is visible looks fairly good. I doubt I'll ever get a better pic so I'm just going to go with it.

my rack

Well, that's it. I was trying to take a picture of one of my ears to show you how incredibly simian they are, but I'm not having much luck. Maybe next time.


Mister Underhill said...

No God up in the sky
And no devil beneath the sea
Could do the job that you did, baby
Of bringing me to my knees

Here I sit alone
With nothing much to do
Forlorn and exhausted
By the absence of you.

And I wish that I was made of stone
So that I would not have to see
A beauty impossible to define
A beauty impossible to believe

A beauty impossible to endure
A beauty impossibly demure

Mister Underhill said...

Even though I have been urging wimmins to post pictures of their boobies online for years, it was brilliant of BB as another woman to start doing so.

Keep up the good fight, bottle blonde!

PS squinty eyed pirate lasses are my favorite, and forgive that I posted cheesy poetry instead of avoiding intimacy with humor like usual.

MJ said...

My mother was from the same "if I'm dressed like a lady, I'll behave like one" school of thought.

You can see how well I heeded her advice.

And...wait for it... she was always telling me to sit like a lady, i.e. keep my legs together!

Oh the hilarity! I've fallen and I can't get up now. Someone help me.

Mister Underhill said...

PS Whenever I dress like a lady I behave like anything but.

Diane said...

So you couldn't sleep either? You were more productive than I was - I watched Youtube videos of Peter Andre and Katie Price's new british chat show - sadly, the last one w/n play so I don't know who won the contest of guessing whether 5 scantily clad women had real or fake breasts

pru - you rock! and I hate you for not having a weight problem . . .ok, not really

Diane said...

p.s. nice rack

BottleBlonde said...

DIZZAM, Pru!!! You are one fly shawty! I'd bang you. *drool* You're so hot that Mr. U. is dedicatin' poetry to you 'n shit!

Mr. U, we gotta keep stickin' it to the man. And I think you know what I mean by 'stickin it'.

P.S. Pru, thank you for the shout out! I owe you a kinky romp in a dark alley - preferably an alley that gay politicians frequent.

prettykitty said...

all i know is someone named prunella wouldn't have a rack like that. you are totally smokin'. no wonder mr. underhill thinks the sun rises on your size 0 ass.

i was never shy about posting my picture (since everyone says i look like my avatar) but i was always reluctant to include my name, address, and the place i work. i dunno, shy i guess.

LA said...

As I age, I'm a bit reluctant to post new pictures of myself. So when asked, I resort to this one. That's my face, the rest, not so much, but bonus points if anyone remembers whose body it is (it's someone famous, as shot for Rolling Stone in the 90s). Although that's not my hair, it's not too far off. Think a little more Stevie Nicks, and ya got the real me.

LA said...

p.s. Pru - You are a true goddess. And I kind of hate you for having a perfect body, ya bitch!

MsPuddin said...

you are one hot drunk mama!! You met Fabio? Tell me, was it really like butter?


Kitty said...

I can believe its not butter, but I caaaan't believe how lovely your jubblies are.


Prunella Jones said...

Mister U-

Roses are red
and violets are blue
You wanted to see my tits
so I gave you a side view

You're welcome!

MJ- poor old mum. So, did your avatar kill her or just drive her to guzzle the Cooking Sherry?

Diane- I could not sleep at all last night, but I don't know how productive it was to post pictures of my rack. It was one of those ideas that sound great at 4 A.M. but you wake up later thinking , "uh-oh." Maybe I should have looked up episodes of The Brak Show on youtube instead. But it pisses me off that those bastards keep removing them.

p.s. thanks!

Bottleblonde- you are a shameless flirt and a tease. I'm beginning to think we were seperated at birth.

PK- well, Prunella is merely my stripper name. My real name is nowhere near as sexy.

I do tend to picture you as Asia Argento, slinking around in a cat suit and bitch smacking a giant sized Michael Stipe. Yeah, that's where the mental image gets a bit weird.

LA- that's a pretty hawt pic, oh mighty Shortbus Web Mistress (I feel like I should curtsy to you). I'm going to guess Mariah Carey? Or maybe Britney? Shakira? I should probably know it by the hair but I'm blanking.

I also checked out your family pics and you really do resemble Stevie. Same hair and gypsy eyes. Your brother is a cutie too.

I am the one true goddess of slackerdom. And maybe debt. And I'm definitely the queen of bad spelling and punctuation. Good thing I got a rack.

Mspuddin- I did meet Fabio at a romance novel thing. He was surrounded by hordes of women who were having orgasms at being in the same room with him. It was better than butter, baby. He was really working the sexy.

In addition, I used to own the Fabio rap album, Fabio After Dark. I remember one of the songs started out like this:

"Sometimes I pretend I'm on a desert island.
Just me, and my special lady...
(cue the cheesy music)

It really had to be heard to be believed. I'm still livid that one of my friends borrowed it and never gave it back.

Kitty- thank you! I love the word jubblies. It's so lovely and descriptive. So much better than hearing them called funbags or dirty pillows. said...

Aww Pru, you never said you were HOT!

LA said...

Thank you kindly, darlin'.

It was Madonna from the days she was going through an Indian phase, sporting henna tattoos.

Moi said...

I think your mom knows my mom. Dressing appropriately only makes me uncomfortable. Gah!

Can I meet you & BottleBlonde in the alley? Sounds like fun. 8^)

Will post pictures eventually. What do you think I look like? If you've been to DallasKs, then you've seen the rack, so you only have to guess the rest.

Memphis Steve said...

Oh MY!

I was reading along, enjoying your photos, worried that you seem as down as me, and then I came to the part where you said you were posting your boobies. I thought, 'sure she is. This is a trick.'

You have my full attention now. And an endless stream of loyal followers from now on. You are officially a blog star now!

And I officially have a problem because I can't stand up from behind my desk for awhile, and it's almost time to go to lunch. Clearly I wasn't expecting the photo to be genuine. I am very impressed! And embarrassed.

OneHungMan said...

Dammit, OneHung told himself, "remember, you're not going to Pru's blog to jerk off again." Whoops. Maybe next time.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

What's your fave raw vegan recipe?

Prunella Jones said...

Brenda- I didn't? I thought I mentioned my ultra hotness in every single post and comment I make. Hmmmm maybe I'm not quite as solipsistic as I thought?

Nah, I am.

LA- d'oh! It's obvious now.

Moi- I have not been to DallasK's yet, but I will def visit soon. I see you as the quiet, sexy librarian type. Someone who looks sweet and demure on the outside, but can crush walnuts with her thighs. Yes?

Memphis Steve- sorry about that. That's why I made the picture a clickable option. For some reason you comment made me think of The Benny Hill Show theme music.

Onehung- really? My blog has been a source of masturbatory material before this post? It's the bald-headed, umbrella-busting Britney pictures, isn't it?

Blowing Shit Up- one of my favorite things to eat is guacamole. I just mash an avocado and blend in chopped tomato and garlic, and spread it on a lettuce leaf. Yummy.

Moi said...

Spot on! Are you psychic? 8^)

morbid misanthrope said...

I've been meaning to post something new myself, but I've been really busy. We got a new shipment of cows in at the slaughterhouse, and somehow they caught a strange hybrid case of mad cow disease/athlete's foot/bipolar disorder. We think it has something to do with Yakov's creepy brother getting hammered on Mad Dog 20/20 and trying to teach the cows the safety dance. In the mornings the killing floor is covered in empty bottles, Men without Hats tapes, and tears. I think it's creating a hostile work environment. We have to play James Taylor CDs until the cows calm down. Killing a depressed cow is fine, but if you kill them when they’re pissed off the meat is terrible. Of course, the bad meat just goes into Hot Pockets anyway.

That One Guy said...


I'm a hanger-on from the Memphis Steve, and I hang out at OneHung's place too...

Don't know why it took so long to get to your site, but it was certainly a good day to do it. Nice side-girls.

Prunella Jones said...

Moi- yes. I am at least as psychic as Sylvia Browne. Someday I hope to do the Montell show.

Morbid- wow, I'm really surprised to hear that actually is beef in Hot Pockets. Are you positive? I thought for sure they used freshly scraped-off-the-highway opossum meat, complete with fur and teeth. I guess that stuff just goes to McDonalds.

Maybe you guys should replace Yakov's brother's Men Without Hats tape with the intoxicating rhythms of Men at Work. He probably won't notice the difference and the cows might not be quite as irritated. I know Tucksworth certainly prefers Australian 80's pop to French Canadian 80's pop, and really, who among us doesn't?

That One Guy- well, it's nice to make your acquaintance.

Now don't be thinking that I constantly post tasteful topless pictures of myself. No, indeed. It's usually all photos of me doing cartwheels, while wearing frilly panties and a gorilla mask. I hope that won't be too disappointing.

Mister Underhill said...

I enjoy the tasteless ones more, to be frank. Gah, I never want to be him, though...the smelly bastard.

BUMBLE!!! said...

If you're playing Wilco CDs, I hope you're playing Summerteeth. For my money, Tweedy never got better than that - except some of the stuff on the unreleased Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Sessions. Those kicked ass. A Ghost is Born and beyond (actually the first Loose Fur) signaled the beginning of the end for Wilco's genius... there is a point where you can be too adventurous (unless you're Neutral Milk Hotel, then once you get past the teenage sessions you can pretty much do anything brilliantly).

Neverthless, the last 2 albums did have some good songs on, but they weren't Summerteeth, Via Chicago, or I'm Always in love.

BUMBLE!!! said...

As for your "boobies" - you are right; they are "spectacular." thanks for sharing.

Sadly, I don't have any to share with you.

Nevertheless, you're probably better off with that.

Betty Boob Hug said...

Not only are you hilarious and a good souding soul - you are beautiful as well. Loving your hair.

Betty Boob Hug said...

that was meant to be "good sounding soul'....but you know, the damn keyboard!

Helen said...

You so do not look like Ann Coulter... you remind me of Christine Taylor, but early when she played Marcia. Bottle Blonde's post was fabulous advice, I should have remembered it when I was in my can't-think-of-a-goddamn-thing-to-write-about funk.

Prunella Jones said...

Mister U- frankly, neither do I.

Bumble- ah, another fan of the Jay Bennet years! I love Summerteeth and Being There. But I also love A Ghost is Born. It's probably my favorite of theirs right now. The new album? Not so much. They can really put on a show, though. I saw Tweedy solo in March and it was probably the most enjoyable concert I've ever been to.

Betty Boob- thank you! I will remember your compliment the next time I feel like shaving my head, which seem to happen at least once a month.

Helen- oh good, I'd much rather look like MArcia Brady than Ann. BB is a funny chick. There's a reason she gets 90+ comments with each post.

I haven't forgotten your tag, I'm just lazy.

OneHungMan said...

You've been tagged.

Moi said...

sending pic to email now

Prunella Jones said...

Onehungman- uh-oh.

Moi- thanks, luv.