Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Xenu Speaks

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Excellent! Things are going very well.

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Jennifer Lopez will soon be hooked up to the e-meter. Kha ching!

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Jenna Elfman is pregnant with a new thetan for the church.

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Young Suri's education is coming along nicely.

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The woman is giving us much resistance, but it is only a matter of time until we get our hands on their money. Oh yes!

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I am very pleased with you, young Cruise. You have finally been recognized as the "Jesus of Scientology." A glorious new age is upon us.

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Thank you, my master. So will I be getting the reward we discussed?

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Very well. You may have a crystal studded, disco cross simular to Madonna's to hang from.

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Diane said...

Tom Cruise as Jesus . . .

Madonna as Jesus . . .

who says celebs have big egos?

Anonymous said...

Everyone in Holloyweed wants to be Jesus but all the Jesus's I know want to be someone in Hollyweed. (name pronounced 'Haw-Zeus' that is)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Ugh, brush your teeth for cryin' out loud. blech!

GetFlix said...

Once again Pru, your journalistic excellence shines thru!!

ffleur said...

Jesus was the absolute polar opposite to Scientology. He would shudder to be associated with them.

My theory: Tom has spent millions of dollars, and 20+ years in Scieno. He has reached the top and there are no more levels for him to go. They have to tell him something to keep him interested. Hence the Jesus title.

I think its a mockery to even associate Tom to such a great prophet and man as Jesus. Empathy? Understanding? Yeah right, look how he treated Brooke and Matt Lauder. Jesus is way outta Tom's league.

Anonymous said...

why does everyone want to be jesus.....why not mohommad or budha or hell, why not L. Ron Hubbard

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Yeah, but I heard the Beatles are bigger than Jesus. When is Tom planning on recruiting Paul McCartney?

prunella jones said...

I wouldn't want to be Jesus. Jesus had a hard job, what with the turning the other cheek and loving his enemies and all that. I'd rather be Mother Nature so I could throw a lightening bolt or a blizzard on the people who pissed me off. "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature! ha ha ha."

PixieGaf said...

Tom Cruise is a tool. Seriously I wonder about the sanity of anyone who claims to be a scientologist.

prettykitty said...

pru, this was brilliant. i will just continue worship at the church of prunella de ville.

Brenda said...

Obviously you people cannot handle that Tom Cruise has become BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF.

Bow down and admit your sins, earth-creatures......