Sarah Palin resigned on Friday.
And in other news, I've just been handed a bowl of Schadenfreude Stew and doggone if it isn't yummy. Mmmm mmm!
As you probably know, I've never been a fan of the former vice presidential candidate. Sheesh, I wouldn't want her running the local animal shelter, much less the country since she's both completely malicious and an idiot which are the worst possible qualities for any person in a leadership position to have. So whew, good riddance and please stay out of office for good, biatch!
That said, I am a big, big fan of Sarah Palin as a public figure.
What can I say, I find train wrecks fascinating and hers just goes on and on and on providing laughs every step of the way.
I also love her because she's totally the kind of over-the-top character I'd make up for one of my ridiculous short stories. It's still kinda hard for me to believe that she's an actual real person. I mean, a fundamentalist Christian rube from Alaska who looks like a sexy version of Peggy Hill and happens to be batshit crazy? A Creationist who believes we are living in "end times" and that witchcraft is a very real threat? A working mom of five unwilling to support reproductive rights or equal pay for women? A rugged, conservative, Pull-Yourself-Up-By-the-Bootstraps kind of gal who does nothing but whine and cry about the mean ol' liberul media picking on her? Really? This person was actually elected to a public office?
(BTW, if I were writing her dialogue in the story she'd be saying stuff like, "Damn that pesky free speech! Why does God allow it? Dear Heavenly Father, please kill Katie Couric immediately! Oh and as well also, could ya put an icepick in David Letterman? In the guts, thanks.")
Oh yeah, and let's not forget about her family. I adore them! They are straight out of a white trash soap opera, or maybe a William Faulkner novel. We're talking Southern Gothic on ice, complete with a scheming secessionist husband, a knocked-up underage daughter, and a dim-witted bohunk of a grandbaby daddy whose mother is apparently the meth queen of Wasilla. All that's missing is a drunken albino but I bet you wouldn't have to shake too many branches to find one somewhere in that family tree. The National Enquirer should really look into it.
If this tantalizing cast of characters wasn't enough, you also get to add in the rabid base of churchy mouth-breather's who absolutely worship the ground she walks on and dream excitedly of the day in 2012 when she'll win the presidency and turn America into the United States of Jesusland.
Forget about pit bulls, Sarah Palin is a week's worth of Jerry Springer episodes in lipstick.
Wow, truth really is stranger than fiction, isn't it? She outdoes even my overheated imagination. I am freaking impressed.
So now you've got to wonder - at least I do - why in the world would such a power hungry drama queen willingly resign her post at this point in the saga? Because, sorry but there is no way it's to protect her kids from the mean ol' lie spreadin' bloggers. She loves media attention and thrives on playing the victim.
Ah, the plot thickens...
Is she on meth here or speaking in tongues?
I've watched this a couple of times and I'm still not clear why she resigned, are you? Because the voices told her to would be my logical guess, but again if I were writing this as a potboiler I'd make it into something far, far juicier. It really needs to be, don't you think? After all, Dick Cheney shot someone in the face and never even considered quitting for a moment. So what did Sarah do, hmmmmm?
1. Sarah's going to rehab for meth and botox addiction.
2. Preparing for the Rapture.
3. Pregnant with triplets by that hawt stud Governor Mark Sanford.
4. Flying off on a magic broomstick to Oz to gather an army of flying monkeys in order to destroy her enemies.
5. Todd was caught having a gay sex weekend with some hairy leather daddies.
6. A psychic told her she'd be president in 2012 so why bother doin' this boring ol' yucky job till then?
7. Something involving stolen tax payer money, bribery, corruption, and moose semen.
Mark my words, it's going to turn out to be one of the above. Possibly all of them.
What a page turner!