Why, oh why do we need sleep? I wish we didn't have to. It's such a pain in the butt.
I may have mentioned my problems with sleep a time or two on this blog. Yeah, it's a misery. Basically, it takes me hours to zonk out, and then when I finally do snooze I'll awaken off and on throughout the night. Most of the time I can usually manage about four to six hours this way, which to me is pretty high functioning. But sometimes it seems that train to Slumberland just passes by me completely and I'm left staring after it with burning eyes as a sadistic conductor gives me the finger.
"Toot, toot. All aboard the Sleepy Train. All that is....except for you, Prunella Jones. Go get your ticket stamped or something, bitch, and better luck tommorrow....or not! Muyhahahahahaha."
The other night about 4 A.M., I was wandering around the house like a zombie when my eye fell on these stoopid little antique statues that my mom put up on the mantel before she left for Florida.
***FYI: My mom used to own an antique store and she has boxes and boxes of unsold stuff stowed in my garage.
Now I don't know why, but the damn things have been getting on my nerves. I hate them! They are such sad sacks, with their pained, yet somehow still smug expressions. Don't they look like the kind of people who use the same paper towel for a week, drying it between uses, in order to save money? And then bitch about it endlessly while also disapproving of anyone who doesn't? Ugh.
It was bringing me down, man. See for yourself. Would you want these sour pusses passing judgment on you while you are trying to chillax?
Oy vey, if only we were still in the old country instead of sitting on the mantel of this tacky little house.
I guess I'm just not much of an antique lover. I prefer bright, shiny, new, plastic crap.
Anyway, I tried to watch some TV but those statues were eyeing me and making me nervous. I considered tossing them in the closet, or "accidentally" losing them in the trashcan --"Ooops, I swear mom, I don't know what happened!" -- but then I got a better idea. I decided to improve them.
Viola! Now higher in Detroit Rock City flavor. Much better, right?
Well, it seemed like a good idea at 4 A.M.
My mom is so going to kick my ass.