Sunday, August 31, 2008

14 Haiku Rants About My Bitch-Faced Neighbor And A Couple Ridiculing Juicy Sweatsuits

Have I mentioned that
I hate my bitch-faced neighbor?
Well, I really do.

Let me count the ways:
She is super unfriendly
with a scowl for all.

She drives her bloated SUV
over my petunias while
yakking on her cell.

Hang up and drive you
arab oil loving hag! Of course
her car sports Bush stickers.

She hates my flamingos,
but leaves her garbage can out
seven days a week.

The shittiest thing
she does is neglect her dogs.
They bark day and night!

She ties them outside
and takes off, without leaving
enough food or water.

I called the authorities
on this c u next tuesday
but nothing happened.

The show Animal
should drag her ass off, I'd
make popcorn and watch.

If she were a bird,
she'd be a turkey vulture
gnawing on roadkill.

If she were a cake,
she'd be so dry and crumbly
that you'd spit her out.

She's got Bette Davis eyes
in a Bob Sagat face hit
with an ugly stick. Twice!

Now that my bitch-faced
neighbor wears Juicy sweatsuits
they must be so done.

Also, I think it's
lame to see the word "Juicy"
stamped across a butt

Across any butt
not just my bitch-faced neighbor's,
though hers makes me retch.

Your butt should be free
of any stoopid message
in my opinion.

The only thing she
should display on her pants is
a "Kick Me Hard" sign.

P.S. She sucks!

** Let this serve as a
warning to all those living
near Prunella Jones's home.

Do not piss me off!
For then ye shall suffer the
wrath of my bad haikus!


fashion herald said...

the power of the poison pen! but seriously, your neighbor sounds like a total dumbass.

Genius Savant said...

Will you please be my new friend?

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Next time you see her open the door and lure land gator her direction... after all you wouldn't have done anything to her, but you can't help what a land gator might do! It's a wild animal after all.

Savvy Mode SG said...

hahahaaa.... i can't stand women who wear track suits with writing on their asses.

xl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
D.O.M. Dan said...

Don't sugar-coat it, or down play your opinion. If you don't like your neighbor, just say so.

Prunella Jones said...

Maybe I was being a little vague and not specific enough, but really, people, I dislike the ho!

Always In Style said...

I'm sorry that your neighbor's such a c u next tuesday. I've certainly had my fair share but I am so loving the haiku.

Not that my loving your poem will save your petunias but know that while she is stinking up the world with her stinkified stinkiness you are making it a whole lot nicer.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I'm sorry I was away for the official debut of this poem. But, I did like it.