Oh hello there, good people of blogland! My name is Velveeta and I am a very good friend of Prunella's. I told her I would post something as she is too crabby to do it. You see, she had very bad news. Her car needs a new transmission, which will cost her nearly $3000. This has made her veeeery, veeeery angry, and she has been cursing and throwing things all week. And the screams! I yi yi!
I told her chill out. I said, "buck up little soldier. It will all be s'okay. S'okay? S'alright? I say this in my tiny, hilariously high pitched voice. And I smile real big and encouraging like this.
See? And then what does she do but give me the finger and snatch my new weave off. It is a nice weave too. I just got it from the Britney Spears collection for 7/11.
(sigh) It is veeeery hard to be a friend to someone so ungrateful but I try I really do.
16 comments:
You need to cut a bitch who touches your weave!
I have an indecent proposal to make...one night with your friend prunella...for one transmission!
Wendy- you are right. Velveeta should grow a backbone. Any bitch that tried to snatch my weave would draw back a bloody stump!
Mister U- really how insulting! I am outraged! You didn't offer to buy me dinner first.
So, is tonight good for you?
Hey there. Are you related to anybody in Columbus? Because I have a VERY good friend that has a striking resemblance to you. Of course I just use her for sex...
Velveeta looks a bit like Miss Piggy!
Dude . . . that sucks about the car
Ron- are you speaking of Rosy Palm? I've heard of her. She is a total slut.
Diane- I am very upset about the car, but what can you do? Without it I will be forced to hitchhike.
Velveeta thinks she looks like Uma Thurman, and I kinda see it around the eyes.
Oh my. Trannies suck.
The car kind.
I like your weave, V!
I kind of imagine you with a voice sorta like Penelope Cruz.
You're lucky to have such good friends. You're unlucky to have such a crappy car. Sorry.
Krissyface- Velveeta does sound a lot like Penelope in that it is very hard to understand what either of them is saying.
Why do transmissions have to cost so much is what I want to know.
Unmighty- well, I guess the Lord givith and the Lord smackith thee upside the head.
I waited at the bar with the red carnation in my breast pocket but you never showed up.
I did meet a girl named aquanetta to chat with, but she had a bit of a husky voice and big arms, though.
It seems OneHung had a date with Velveeta just last night.
How very creative ( or crazy) I am not sure which- but love dit all the same.
You need to date a mechanic.
So, are you and Velveeta ""just friends" like Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson? Or are you two "friends with benefits" like Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson?
Ms Pru, maybe your friends can visit the transmission guy and get you a better price. Something like:
[Gleep]
"It would be a shame if something were to happen to your shop."
[Velveeta]
"Hey sailor, you new in town?"
Mister U- uh oh, I went home with a guy wearing a red carnation. You mean that wasn't you? Damn!
Onehung- she gets around.
Ubermouth- I'd be willing to date a mechanic. Do you know any hot ones you could introduce me to?
Kookla- well, I guess we might as well admit it. The fact is we are complete dykes like Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson. Nothing wrong with a little sapphic love.
XL- hmmm devious. I like those suggestions.
Come back to L.A., Pru, the land of cheap and plentiful trannies!
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