Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Evil Eye

There's a stye in my eye
and it's feeling quite bone dry.
How I wish that it would hit the road.
Because I can't stand the itch
my eyelid's swollen like a bitch
and it looks like it just might explode.

This stye resembles a fat pink tick.
To gaze upon it would make you sick.
Here is a letter that I wrote to it:



Dear Vile and Painful Eyelid Lump,

Go away! Go away! I've had enough of you. Why won't you leave?
I've been coddling you for days. I've soothed you with wet tea bags
and hot towels. What more do you want? You've teased me by shrinking
down and acting like you are leaving, but then roaring back the minute
I apply a little mascara and liner. Quit doing that! I need to wear
that stuff when I'm working at The Boobie Barn, as I suffer from
plain face syndrome. No one will tip a girl with no lashes and a mutant
third eyeball shooting out of her face. They are cheap bastards at the best
of times. And some jealous bitch dancer started a rumor that I had an outbreak of herpes in my eye. I bet it was Paris. I'm going to fix her good! As soon as you go away, that is. So go away!

I've got things to do. Now poof - be gone!


Thank You,
Prunella

P.S. Beat it!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Prunella,

Ha Ha. Suffer!

Kisses,

Your Stye


P.S. I see my dear friend period bloat also stopped by to pay you a visit.
Say hello for me, won't you?

17 comments:

Mister Underhill said...

Do you think stye and period bloat are in cahoots? The plot thickens.

Prunella Jones said...

I don't know, but spring allergies is probably the ring leader. Damn that little punk!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Prunella,

You will always get good tips from the people that have the third eye/no lashes festish!!!

Diane said...

Styes suck. And they are impossible to ignore.

xl said...

"third eyeball"

Doesn't that have something to do with that yoga stuff?

Mister Underhill said...

Well, you can always do a kind of 'A clockwork Orange' theme. Or else put on an eye patch. Pirate girls are sexy as hell.

WendyB said...

Oh, period bloat just left me...I wondered where it had gone. Sorry!

GetFlix said...

All you need now is a yeast infection, and it's officially spring!!

Krissyface said...

Why don't you wear one of those crazy masks like in Eyes Wide Shut?
That would be really kinky.
You could be a whole new kind of Private Dancer.

Prunella Jones said...

It's finally going away now. Looks like the voodoo spell is working. It was pretty easy too. The next time you get a stye, try rubbing it with graveyard dirt and chicken blood at midnight while naked and coated in grease. Oh and don't forget to jump up and down and chant, "ni, ni, fi eye" while you light exactly sixteen and a half candles.

Who needs medicated drops?

Frannie Farmer said...

The last stye I had gave me a shiner so good that someone nearly place Mr. Farmer under a *Citizen's Arrest* ... could have been funny if LittleMiss wasn't hangin' on to his leg screamin' please don't take my Daddy away.
Glad yours is gone.

Notebook said...

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Notebook, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://notebooks-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.

prettykitty said...

i have two words for you: boric acid. you get it in powder form, mix 1/3 to 2/3 warm water. use a cotton ball and gently cleanse the area a few times a day.

or maybe a hug from notebook above may do the trick. haha

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I like you Pru. You so likable. I visit you often. I'll be back.

UBERMOUTH said...

If you really piss her off, she will send her big sister, Pink Eye!

kookla@work said...

What a likable sty. Congratulations. I think I saw it on RichEyeStye.com. I will add in my blogroll =).

It's funny how weird those spammers get. Although I don't mind them because it looks like people like me.

Hope your eye is better so that men in town don't think you're winking at them. I mean more than usual.

Sudiegirl said...

I'm sorry about Stye and Bloat

(Why does that sound like the name of a law firm?)