I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I really like Converse shoes. They are pretty much the only sneakers I wear. I just bought a cute, pale pink pair because I'm sick of all this drab winter darkness. I put them on this morning to break them in and then set about making myself a healthy juice of apples, carrots, and spinach. Yum yum. I'm doing pretty well on the vegan diet resolutions. I had just taken a mouthful of this drink when my mom entered the kitchen and says the following:
"Oh there you are, honey, I need to ask you a question. When you go to the bathroom do your turds float? Because a doctor on the Oprah show said that means your turds are full of fat which is bad."
One thing about apple, carrot, spinach juice is that it's very staining when you spit it all over your new shoes.
Fuck you, Oprah! You owe me a new pair of sneakers!
P.S. I had never considered what my turds did after I deposited them in the toilet but I checked and it appeared that they kinda sank. Or at least didn't float.