5 things I wrote about my boss on the wall of the employee's bathroom before I got fired
1. Kevin is a dildo.
2. Kevin is a fuckweasel.
3. Kevin likes to fart in his hand and then sniff his fingers. I've seen him do it.
4. For a good time call 1-800-ISUK-HARD ask for Kevin.
5. There was a young man named Kevin.
Who had an I.Q. of eleven.
He would fart in his hand
and sniff there quite grand
as he thought that his farts smelled like heaven.
8 things I call my mother besides mom
2. Senora Sassy Ass
3. The Amazing Rump Shaking Granny
4. Old Hag
5. Old Bag
6. Sexy Sarah the Sluttiest Old Bag in Nashville
7. She Who Once Flogged Me with a Dishtowel When I was Eight for Calling Her Meatloaf Puketastic
8. Sarahalious Definition Make Old Men Go Loco
5 things people were googling when they found my blog
1. Shirley Manson pooping
2. jello boobs
3. satan in a thong
5. how to make my prunella cream
7 possible things that could be making those creepy scratching noises on my bedroom window at 3:00 A.M.
1. the wind moving a tree branch against the glass
2. a man with hooks for hands and rape on his mind
3. rabid raccoons
5. my doppleganger coming to murder me and assume my identity
6. there is no noise I'm imagining it
7. a clown