I am livid right now! Absolutely livid!
Why you ask? I'll tell you why.
Apparently my former BFF Paula Abdul was spotted out partying the night away with...with...I can hardly bring myself to write her name...MileyCyrus! That's right! Remember her? The oafishly untalented hillbilly who tried to beat me for the 2009 Pole Dancing Championship? Yeah, that MileyCyrus.
Oh, I've heard rumors that the two were hanging out together before this, but I always laughed them off. Paula knows how I feel about that little skank and she would never, ever do that to me, right?
Wrong! Look at this picture.
My former BFF Paula Abudul is dead to me! Dead I tell you!
Here is the poem I just wrote to try and sort through this episode.
Paula Abdul why you dissin' me?
Mark my words, one these days
you'll be missin' me.
Who held your hand
through Ryan's BS
and all of the media liars?
Who helped you scratch the word "Douche"
on Simon's car door
and slash all four of his tires?
How could you you betray me
how could you succumb,
to a jail bait, ass-shaker
with gigantic gums?
I guess there's nothing left to say
at least in this little verse
if you're willing to throw our friendship away
just because I helped myself to a Vicodin or twelve from your purse.
I bet MileyCyrus will do much worse!