Sunday, September 06, 2009

Why Paula? Why?

I am livid right now! Absolutely livid!

Why you ask? I'll tell you why.

Apparently my former BFF Paula Abdul was spotted out partying the night away with...with...I can hardly bring myself to write her name...MileyCyrus! That's right! Remember her? The oafishly untalented hillbilly who tried to beat me for the 2009 Pole Dancing Championship? Yeah, that MileyCyrus.

Oh, I've heard rumors that the two were hanging out together before this, but I always laughed them off. Paula knows how I feel about that little skank and she would never, ever do that to me, right?

Wrong! Look at this picture.

paula sob

My former BFF Paula Abudul is dead to me! Dead I tell you!

Here is the poem I just wrote to try and sort through this episode.

Paula Abdul why you dissin' me?
Mark my words, one these days
you'll be missin' me.

Who held your hand
through Ryan's BS
and all of the media liars?
Who helped you scratch the word "Douche"
on Simon's car door
and slash all four of his tires?
Not MileyCyrus!

Oh Paula!
How could you you betray me
how could you succumb,
to a jail bait, ass-shaker
with gigantic gums?

I guess there's nothing left to say
at least in this little verse
if you're willing to throw our friendship away
just because I helped myself to a Vicodin or twelve from your purse.
I bet MileyCyrus will do much worse!


John Smith said...

Oh, I hate miley cyrus and anyone with giant gums creeps me out big time. It's a pet peeve. I'm glad you are through with paula, though.

Every time she comes over I'm missing at LEAST 50 of my blue pills. Not viagra but the good ones, the 'I should have taken the blue pill' ones.

@eloh said...

I think Paula is feeling her age...thrown because she couldn't get the big bucks like nasty old she's out "looking for love in all the wrong places".

Cora said...

Yeah. What is with those gums anyway?

xl said...

I don't trust Miley "Zoroastrian Persian Shāhanshāh" Cyrus. Today, she steals Paula; tomorrow, Asia Minor!


It's worse than you think Pru! They're launching thier own underwear line and calling it 'Pru's'

Bill Stankus said...

Sparkly Jack Daniels.

Dedene said...

The Cyrus flu has hit France unfortunately. Now children here will be polluted by her cheeriness.

erin said...

Poor Pru. I'll be your new best friend.

I don't party or say super retarded things, but I am petite and know all the words to 'cold hearted snake'.

words...words...words... said...

The most offensive thing here is the Yankees cap. I defy Ms. Miley to name two Yankees. Sports clothing is not a fashion statement!

I also want to know who that shadowy man in the plaid shirt is. He looks pretty suspicious.

WendyB said...

You're going to have to go back to hanging out with Heather Mills! Oh noes.

Cameron said...

I'm sure that crazy bitch was high as a kite.....Paula probably was too!

Krissyface said...

Maybe you can hang out with Ellen instead. I think she's gonna be a much better Idol judge! At least, she'll be more coherent.

Prunella Jones said...

Sigh. I miss Paula's Vicodin.

honkeie2 said...

I dont know but I would pay to see them get it on....wait is Gums-Cyrus legal yet?