The other day I was watching the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show on my mom's big screen TV when she wandered in and started looking at it with me. After about twenty minutes of this, she turned to me with a very astonished look on her face and said,
"Oh my goodness, honey! I believe this movie is very homosexual!"
I have no idea why she would think that. What a filthy minded old lady she is!
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Here, for no reason, is a fashion critique.
The pink number on the right is okay, but it kinda reminds me of a mother-of-the-bride dress. Very blah. I wouldn't wear it.
The purple dress in the middle is really cute. Love the color and those little ruffles. I'd definitely wear it.
The checkered thing on the left is fugly, although those sleeves are pretty intriguing. You could hide a knife or even an ax in all that material. I would wear this if I were an assassin, otherwise no.
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Someday I'd really like to see a flea circus. Do they still have them? It looks like fun in this picture anyway.
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Damn you, Ceiling McCain! Quit watching me! I need privacy for this.
This isn't my photoshop - I just stumbled upon it - but I bow to whomever created it.
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Only two bloggers took up my Mad Libs Barfday challenge, but luckily they were both exceptionally hilarious so I am posting them. This one was by Nudie Muse. This girl can mad lib like mad!
Also, I just love the word balls. Something about it makes me snicker like Beavis and Butthead.
Prunella Jones awoke early on the gloriously reddish morning of June 12th, 2008. It was her birthday and she was very itchy about it.
Galloping out of bed, she wandered over to the mirror and checked herself out.
"Happy birthday, you hot Motherfucker !" she said aloud. "You certainly don't look 62.2. Although your boobs could use a little massaging. Still, all in all not too bad." She then kissed her reflection, made a few sexy faces at herself, and began to plan her day.
This birthday was going to be freaktastic. Unlike last year, when she got super dry and ended the evening screaming in a trash can. Ugh, she grimaced at the memory.
Her birthday last year had started off well enough. She met some friends at The Boys Room. It was very mellow. They had danced and cruised. And then someone had offered her balls.
"Why not," she thought, and punched it.
The balls made her feel so good that she decided to have more. Then she went to a bar and started swerving. One ball quickly became four. She thought she was being witty and fun, but really she was being loud and crazy. And the more balls she had, the louder she got.
Finally, her friends ended up restraining her to the car as she was quite vogue.
She passed out right away, but halfway home she sputtered to conciousness feeling urgently poopy.
"Oh poop" she yelled. "Pull over! I'm going to plotz!"
"No, no," her friend cried. "We're on the freeway. Stick your ass out the window and breathe!"
The window was halfway down when she began to squee'd violently all over the place, much to her shame.
"Fucking Prunella, you lightweight!" her friend groaned as he surveyed the car with disgust. She started to apologise but no words would come out, only more balls.
Now staring at herself in the mirror, Prunella shuddered at the memory.
"That won't happen again this year," she vowed to herself. "Tonight, I'm only having one ball! I swear!"
The other one was by my favorite sexy stalker Mister Underhill. Unsurprisingly, he managed to work his penis into the tale.
The sultry morning of June 12th, 2008. It was her birthday and she was very apathetic about it.
Slinking out of bed, she wandered over to the mirror and checked herself out.
"Happy birthday, you beautiful slut !" she said aloud. "You certainly don't look 13. Although your lady parts could use a little stretching out. Still, all in all not too bad." She then kissed her reflection, made a few sexy faces at herself, and began to plan her day.
This birthday was going to be phaboo. Unlike last year, when she got super addied up and ended the evening publicly fornicating in a trash can. Ugh, she grimaced at the memory.
Her birthday last year had started off well enough. She met some friends at a hookah lounge. It was very mellow. They had danced and groped. And then someone had offered her mister underhill's peen, the most addictive substance in the known universe
"Why not," she thought, and loved it.
The pulsating veins made her feel so good that she decided to have more. Then she went to a bar and started snorting. One addie quickly became four. She thought she was being witty and fun, but really she was being loud and embarassing. And the more addies she had, the louder she got.
Finally, her friends ended up pulling her to the car as she was quite fucked.
She passed out right away, but halfway home she sputtered to conciousness feeling urgently horny.
"That won't happen again this year," she vowed to herself. "Tonight, I'm only having one peen! I swear!"
Thanks so much for playing, guys. I really enjoyed them.
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And finally, I thought up a new award which I'm calling THE MOST EGOTISTICAL BLOGGER AWARD and I'd like to present it right now to....(drumrole) myself! For my amazing last post in which I shamelessly compared myself to Jesus.
I was telling a friend about this post last night (although I don't give anyone I know in 3D my blog address, that way I can feel free to talk about them). She listened with one eyebrow raised skeptically and then gave me the most appalled look and said,
"Wow, you really love yourself, don't you?"
LOL! Yep, I sure do. Therefore I am pleased to accept this award. I'd like to thank the little people for helping me achieve this, my mom (love you), my stoopid boss (hate you), various buddies and favorite bloggers (I'm mad for you!), and lastly and most importantly, I'd like to thank God for making me so hawt! Thank you! Kisses!
UPDATE: Helen decided to play Mad Libs too! Check it out:
Prunella Jones awoke early on the gloriously snowy morning of June 12th, 2008. It was her birthday and she was very irritated about it.
heaving [herself] out of bed, she wandered over to the mirror and checked herself out.
"Happy birthday, you lazy biatch!" she said aloud. "You certainly don't look 76. Although your wrinkles could use a little bacon grease. Still, all in all not too bad." She then kissed her reflection, made a few sexy faces at herself, and began to plan her day.
This birthday was going to be whacked. Unlike last year, when she got super randy and ended the evening humping in a trash can. Ugh, she grimaced at the memory.
Her birthday last year had started off well enough. She met some friends at a cafeteria at the home. It was very mellow. They had sang christmas carols and peed. And then someone had offered her candy.
"Why not," she thought, and gummed it.
The sugar made her feel so good that she decided to have more. Then she went to a bar and started hoisting her ass off the toilet. One Depends quickly became four. She thought she was being witty and fun, but really she was being loud and whiny . And the more sugar she had, the louder she got.
Finally, her friends ended up binding her in a straightjacket on her way to the car as she was quite senile and violent.
She passed out right away, but halfway home she sputtered to conciousness feeling urgently lucid.
"Oh lordy-lou!" she yelled. "Pull over! I'm going to shit!"
"No, no," her friend cried. "We're on the freeway. Stick your ass out the window and breathe!"
The window was halfway down when she began to shit violently all over the place, much to her shame.
"Dammit! Prunella, you lightweight!" her friend groaned as he surveyed the car with disgust. She started to apologise but no words would come out, only more shit.
Now staring at herself in the mirror, Prunella shuddered at the memory.
"That won't happen again this year," she vowed to herself. "Tonight, I'm only having one Werther's Original! I swear!"
Helen, this description of my birthday is so eerily accurate that you had to have been there. Are you that nice blonde nurse whose name I keep forgetting that always brings me an extra rice pudding? You are, aren't you? C'mon, fess up I.......oh shit, it seems I've fallen and I can't get up! Where's that damn Life Alert button?
20 comments:
I love myself too... fairly often.
Ron- Better watch out. Ceiling McCain is watching you know.
Congratulations on your award! That's fantastic! I can't think of anyone else who deserves it more!
xoxo
Princess- LOL! Uh....well...I was kidding. Oy vey!
Have you read the bible? If Jesus had a blog it would be BO-RING. Yours is is so much better than that!
I always get a good LOL from your mom, btw.
The lolCain scares me.
Separately, why shouldn't you worship you?
The flea circus and Tucksworth might be a dangerous combination.
We are not worthy to read your blog.
I saw a monkey throwing molotov cocktails from te back of a big rig while a bunch of biker gangs chased it. I wonder if that was tuck.
Mister U- if Jesus had a blog I wonder what he would call it? The thought is very intriguing.
Wendy- now everytime I maasturbate I picture Ceiling McCain gawking at me. It's kinda hot.
And you are right, of course. Everyone should love the heck out of themselves. I wonder why people act like it's a bad thing?
XL- very true, he'd probably just eat them.
MJ- LOL...wait, was that sarcasm?
Mister U- hmmm I did see him reading The Anarchist Cookbook the other day so chances are pretty good it was him.
Could you hear McCain's creepy laugh while he was watching you?
A word on the Fashion Critique...The pink number on the left looks like mauve drapery sheers-ick, the middle number???only people without boobs could wear that, and the checkered thing??? OMG looks like it is made out of wool houndstooth-I knew someone who had a purple gremlin with seat covers out of that fabric. Yeah the sleeves are interesting...I would hide booze in them. Maybe if the top were paired with some black Gloria Vanderbilts?! ha!
Diane- could I? What do you think got me off!
Muse- I see your point. Black Gloria Vanderbilt's do tend to make any outfit.
He would call it lolcains, of course.
Did your acceptance speech go:
“I personally believe, that U.S. Americans, I mean non-egotistical bloggers, are not egotistical,
because uh,
some, people out there, in our nation don’t have my extraordinary confidence.
and uh…
I believe that our education like such as in South Africa,
and the Iraq,
everywhere like such as…
and, I believe they should uh,
our education over here,
in the U.S. should help the U.S.
or should help South Africa,
and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to be more egotistical,
for us.”
Sorry, madlibs is still channeling...
It's your blog, dammit, you can be egotistical if you want to.
I totally agree with your fashion critique. I didn't like the dresses on the ends, but the one in the middle was cute.
Good for you for loving yourself!!!!! Everyone should.
happy belated birthday, prunella the great!
I'm sorry I missed the mad lib...where have I been?
fuckin falling down on the job...
mwah!
another way you're not like jesus: you can hold m&ms in your hands (going to hell, me)
Mister U- he'd probably call it, "What Would I Do?"
Helen- oh, honey, you are so sweet! Can I get another rice pudding?
Brenda- hell yeaz!
Carmen- I can't resist a dress that looks like you can can can in it.
Kris- LOLZ. My stigmata drips fresh chocolate.
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