I was driving around the other day when I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It said Be More Like Jesus. This amused me because the car also sported Bush/Cheney 04 and Don't Believe the Liberal Media! stickers. Does this person really think that Jesus would be a republican? Jesus was a hippy!
Still, I agree with the message. Everyone should try to be more like Him. He was pretty cool. But once I started thinking about it, I realized that I already am a lot like Jesus. This might sound blasphemous but it's true. I made a list. Check it out:
Ways in Which I am Like Jesus
I own a robe and sandles.
I like hanging out with sinners.
The devil is always trying to tempt me.
I'm very loving and forgiving. (Except for those people who really piss me off! They get cut!)
I drink wine a lot.
While I can't turn water into wine, I can turn wine into water. (Well, urine if you want to get technical.)
Long hair.
Low body fat.
A close friend once betrayed me too. Bitch slept with my boyfriend.
I may not have been born in a manger, but according to my mom I was probably conceived on some fresh hay in a barn. (She was such a little farm girl, my mother.)
My dad demanded obedience too.
I've been baptised.
I can heal lepers.
Of course, there are a few differences.
Ways In Which I Am Not Like Jesus
I don't have a beard.
I don't speak Aramaic.
I'm not a jewish carpenter.
I ain't dying for nobody's sins.
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11 comments:
You can heal lepers??
Great to hear of your powers! Would you help me pick the lotto numbers? It's what I am counting on as a retirement plan (if that helps).
Princess- sure, I just lift my shirt and flash my boobies at them. Well, I'm not sure if that cures lepers exactly. I never met any to tell the truth. But once I cured a boyfriend's hangover that way.
XL- that's my retirement plan too!
Hahahaha! I was afraid to read this but you did something so many others aren't able to do and that's joke about religion without offending a person's faith. LOVED this!
Yes, in just 7 minutes a day, you too can have Jesus Abs. Order now and you get the Jesus Approved Cookbook and Jesus Workout Mat.
Blonde- oh, I'm glad you weren't offended. I guess I am still trying to figure out what my faith is and whether I, in fact, have any. I have studied several different religions and was raised a Baptist but nothing grabs me. I do enjoy reading the bible though.
Mister U- order today! It works miracles!
My best guess is that Jesus would be somewhere to the left of Dennis Kucinich.
I never want to know the manner in which I was conceived -- well, I mean the details of it.
"but nothing grabs me"
Has u heard teh gud news about Ceiling Cat?
I was trying to think of another semblance, but no...I think you covered it!
Diane- no wonder Kucinich was my favorite canidate.
Blowing Shit Up- well, that may have been a wee bit of a ...lie. It sounded good though, huh?
XL- indeed. I don't consider it good news though. He's always watching my, uh, personal bidness.
Helen- thanks Helen. Cheers!
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