Saturday, June 14, 2008

What Would Prunella Jones Do?

I was driving around the other day when I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It said Be More Like Jesus. This amused me because the car also sported Bush/Cheney 04 and Don't Believe the Liberal Media! stickers. Does this person really think that Jesus would be a republican? Jesus was a hippy!

Still, I agree with the message. Everyone should try to be more like Him. He was pretty cool. But once I started thinking about it, I realized that I already am a lot like Jesus. This might sound blasphemous but it's true. I made a list. Check it out:


Ways in Which I am Like Jesus

I own a robe and sandles.

I like hanging out with sinners.

The devil is always trying to tempt me.

I'm very loving and forgiving. (Except for those people who really piss me off! They get cut!)

I drink wine a lot.

While I can't turn water into wine, I can turn wine into water. (Well, urine if you want to get technical.)

Long hair.

Low body fat.

A close friend once betrayed me too. Bitch slept with my boyfriend.

I may not have been born in a manger, but according to my mom I was probably conceived on some fresh hay in a barn. (She was such a little farm girl, my mother.)

My dad demanded obedience too.

I've been baptised.

I can heal lepers.




Of course, there are a few differences.


Ways In Which I Am Not Like Jesus

I don't have a beard.

I don't speak Aramaic.

I'm not a jewish carpenter.

I ain't dying for nobody's sins.

11 comments:

Princess of the Universe said...

You can heal lepers??

xl said...

Great to hear of your powers! Would you help me pick the lotto numbers? It's what I am counting on as a retirement plan (if that helps).

Prunella Jones said...

Princess- sure, I just lift my shirt and flash my boobies at them. Well, I'm not sure if that cures lepers exactly. I never met any to tell the truth. But once I cured a boyfriend's hangover that way.

XL- that's my retirement plan too!

ablondeblogger said...

Hahahaha! I was afraid to read this but you did something so many others aren't able to do and that's joke about religion without offending a person's faith. LOVED this!

Mister Underhill said...

Yes, in just 7 minutes a day, you too can have Jesus Abs. Order now and you get the Jesus Approved Cookbook and Jesus Workout Mat.

Prunella Jones said...

Blonde- oh, I'm glad you weren't offended. I guess I am still trying to figure out what my faith is and whether I, in fact, have any. I have studied several different religions and was raised a Baptist but nothing grabs me. I do enjoy reading the bible though.

Mister U- order today! It works miracles!

Diane said...

My best guess is that Jesus would be somewhere to the left of Dennis Kucinich.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I never want to know the manner in which I was conceived -- well, I mean the details of it.

xl said...

"but nothing grabs me"

Has u heard teh gud news about Ceiling Cat?

Helen said...

I was trying to think of another semblance, but no...I think you covered it!

Prunella Jones said...

Diane- no wonder Kucinich was my favorite canidate.

Blowing Shit Up- well, that may have been a wee bit of a ...lie. It sounded good though, huh?

XL- indeed. I don't consider it good news though. He's always watching my, uh, personal bidness.

Helen- thanks Helen. Cheers!