Saturday, June 14, 2008

What Would Prunella Jones Do?

I was driving around the other day when I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It said Be More Like Jesus. This amused me because the car also sported Bush/Cheney 04 and Don't Believe the Liberal Media! stickers. Does this person really think that Jesus would be a republican? Jesus was a hippy!

Still, I agree with the message. Everyone should try to be more like Him. He was pretty cool. But once I started thinking about it, I realized that I already am a lot like Jesus. This might sound blasphemous but it's true. I made a list. Check it out:

Ways in Which I am Like Jesus

I own a robe and sandles.

I like hanging out with sinners.

The devil is always trying to tempt me.

I'm very loving and forgiving. (Except for those people who really piss me off! They get cut!)

I drink wine a lot.

While I can't turn water into wine, I can turn wine into water. (Well, urine if you want to get technical.)

Long hair.

Low body fat.

A close friend once betrayed me too. Bitch slept with my boyfriend.

I may not have been born in a manger, but according to my mom I was probably conceived on some fresh hay in a barn. (She was such a little farm girl, my mother.)

My dad demanded obedience too.

I've been baptised.

I can heal lepers.

Of course, there are a few differences.

Ways In Which I Am Not Like Jesus

I don't have a beard.

I don't speak Aramaic.

I'm not a jewish carpenter.

I ain't dying for nobody's sins.


Princess of the Universe said...

You can heal lepers??

xl said...

Great to hear of your powers! Would you help me pick the lotto numbers? It's what I am counting on as a retirement plan (if that helps).

Prunella Jones said...

Princess- sure, I just lift my shirt and flash my boobies at them. Well, I'm not sure if that cures lepers exactly. I never met any to tell the truth. But once I cured a boyfriend's hangover that way.

XL- that's my retirement plan too!

ablondeblogger said...

Hahahaha! I was afraid to read this but you did something so many others aren't able to do and that's joke about religion without offending a person's faith. LOVED this!

Mister Underhill said...

Yes, in just 7 minutes a day, you too can have Jesus Abs. Order now and you get the Jesus Approved Cookbook and Jesus Workout Mat.

Prunella Jones said...

Blonde- oh, I'm glad you weren't offended. I guess I am still trying to figure out what my faith is and whether I, in fact, have any. I have studied several different religions and was raised a Baptist but nothing grabs me. I do enjoy reading the bible though.

Mister U- order today! It works miracles!

Diane said...

My best guess is that Jesus would be somewhere to the left of Dennis Kucinich.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I never want to know the manner in which I was conceived -- well, I mean the details of it.

xl said...

"but nothing grabs me"

Has u heard teh gud news about Ceiling Cat?

Helen said...

I was trying to think of another semblance, but no...I think you covered it!

Prunella Jones said...

Diane- no wonder Kucinich was my favorite canidate.

Blowing Shit Up- well, that may have been a wee bit of a ...lie. It sounded good though, huh?

XL- indeed. I don't consider it good news though. He's always watching my, uh, personal bidness.

Helen- thanks Helen. Cheers!