Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Random Lists

5 Billboards I Noticed While Driving Through Kentucky and My Rebuttals To Them

1. Jesus IS Lord


2. Hell IS Real!!!

Yes, it it. Most people know it as Kentucky though.


Make me, fucker.

4. If You Died Today, Where Would You Spend Eternity?

Sailing through various universes and dimensions. Duh.

5. Jesus Died For Our Sins!

So, give him a medal already. Geez!

3 Nicknames I Call My Mother Daily

1. Sassy Boots
2. Lady Nag Nag
3. Madam Mother

5 Nicknames I Call My Cat

1. Lard Lad
2. Big Fun
3. Johnny Fatboy
4. Fat Boy on a Diet, Don't Try It, Attack Yo Ass Like a Looter in a Riot
5. Toilet Paw Jones

The Top 5 Worst States I've Spent Time In, In Order of Shittiness

1. Georgia
2. Georgia
3. Kensucky
4. Florida (except for the beaches)
5. Arizona

12 Things I Enjoy In No Particular Order

1. conspiracy theories
2. UFOs
3. books
4. cashmere sweaters
5. eccentric people
6. trashy gossip
7. monkeys
8. contemplating parallel universes
9. cartoony art
10. ventriloquism
11. lucid dreams
12. thunderstorms

My Top 3 Favorite Legal Drugs

1. caffeine
2. Adderall
3. sugar

3 Books I Am Currently Reading and What I Think of Them So Far

1. Seth Speaks
by Jane Roberts

Trippy channeled information about death, past lives, lost civilizations, etc., written in the early 70's. I love this kind of stuff.

2. Drinking, Smoking, and Screwing: Great Writer's on Good Times
Edited by Sara Nickles

My kind of stories!

3. The Secret Architecture of Our Nation's Capital: The Mason's and the Building of Washington D.C.
by David Ovason

Just started this one, but it's already blowing my mind. Looks like astrology was a pretty big deal to our forefathers. That certainly explains why Nancy Reagan relied on that astrologer so much during the Regan era.

10 Reasons Why I Have a Sneaking Suspicion That We Are Actually Living On a Prison Planet That Is Run By an Evil Overlord Who Gets Off on Torturing Us

1. the stomach flu and every other nasty illnesses (how come there aren't any viruses that make us feel good? Wouldn't it be in their best interests to make the host happy and well? Seems like there should be at least one just according to natural selection?)

2. mosquitoes and other bitey insects
3. constant rules, regulations, and paperwork required for everything
4. cellulite
5. the fact that so many turds (example: Glen Beck) are millionaires
6. pimples
7. allergies
8. war
9. politics
10. the fact that we only live about 80 years and our teeth only last for about half that time without costly attention.


Will said...

Oh Lordy, you is in big trouble now ... THEY are tracking you via the GPS in your cellphone and are probably readying a laser hit on you ... and they ain't aiming at cellulite (not that you have any, of course).

Some Guy said...

Nice to see you posting! The big question you didn't answer: What are your three favorite illegal drugs?

Mr. Condescending said...

Here's a good list of mine:

Top Blogger with boobs showing post.

1.) Prunella

xl said...

#10 may be proof that The Evil Overlords are actually dentists!

Prunella Jones said...

Will - Dude, I know! This is why I have 50 rolls of tin foil in my pantry. Be prepared is my motto.

Some Guy - What are my favorite illegal drugs?

To quote Sarah Palin, "all of 'em!"

Mr. C - Don't forget I've posted several fully nude shots too.

Dang, I rule!

XL - I think the sound of a dentist's drill is the music the dark gods whack off to.

Scope said...

I am currently somewhat obsessed with the idea that gravity is actually an interdimensional force that is "leaking" into our universe from one of the parallel universes, and that is why it is so weak, as compared to magnetism.

Prunella Jones said...

Scope - hmmm, that's an interesting thought. I'll have to mull that one over.

Have you ever considered of the hollow earth theory? How about the idea of the moon being artificial (like the Death Star) and put there in order to exert some sort of influence on us. (Kinda like the TV station in the movie "They Live.")

If you've never seen that movie here is a link to watch the whole thing. Required viewing for any good conspiracy theorist/truth seeker.


Prunella Jones said...

Plus, it stars rowdy Roddy Piper, has the longest fight scene in movie history (I think), and features the line, "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of gum!"

What more can one ask for in a movie?

Scope said...

I am very familiar with Mr. Piper's performance, and considering how little it actually sucked, and surprised that he hasn't done more that wasn't straight to video.

Cora said...

Oh, Hell IS real alright. It's small, claustrophobically crowded, full of tiny bawling kids with runny noses, decorated like a thrift store, reeking of cat pee, and lorded over by a perpetually angry and condescending dude who looks like Homer Simpson. I call it my ex-husband's house.

And I'm thrilled by thunderstorms too. :-)

Prunella Jones said...

Scope - right on, it's great that you've seen this movie. Not many people know of it and it's one of my favs. I love its themes that:

1. the world is not is not the way we think it is.

2. everything we've been taught is a lie.

I really believe this is so. Not that the world is run by aliens necessarily, but that we are lied to on a daily basis and no nothing of our real history or the way things really work.

Plus, Roddy was kinda - surprisingly - hawt in that movie too. He really rocked that mullet.

Cora - that does sound hellish indeed. I'm glad that you, like Persephone, were able to escape the clutches of this dark lord.

Good thing you didn't eat any pomegranates while trapped in that hell house, eh? ;-)

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'd like to know why Arizona is on your list, what with the Grand Canyon and The High Chaparral. Didn't you like The High Chaparral with Manolito, Buck and Big John?

Cora said...

Nope. No pomegranates. I did eat a pixie stick once though. I hope that doesn't bode badly for me. ;-)

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Prison planet?! OMG! THat explains so much!!

diane said...

The great thing about my area.....well...ONE of the great things, is NO RELIGIOUS BILLBOARDS, NONE.
I love all of your lists,especially the ones that touch on the darker political agenda. How come more people aren't talking about this stuff?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Who doesn't love trashy gossip?

Adderal reminds me of Elizabeth Wurtzel's memoir "More, Now, Later".

Absolutely riveting.

Prunella Jones said...

Gorilla - Arizona is on my list because of the 6 months I spent in Phoenix. Ugh!

Also, that was the place where I experienced the most horrible spew of my life, after consuming thermonuclear-sauced chicken wings, atomic chili, beer, and several shots of various alcohols. It BURNED way worse coming up then it did going down, that's for sure.

However, you are right, the Grand Canyon is pretty nice and worth a visit.

Cora - uh-oh. Cue the doom music...

Ron - doesn't it though? It's the only way this world makes any sense.

Diane - you live in North Carolina, right? It seems to be a fairly sane state from what I've seen. The mountains are lovely too.

I wish more people would talk about this kind of stuff. It's all I think about most of the time.

Candy - hey, thanks for the book recommendation. I just looked it up and bought it. It sounds like an interesting read. I could write a book about my on/off love affair with ADD drugs myself. I'd call it "Speed and Me: Wheeeee!"


I HATE how somebody always has to denounce conspiracy theories when the only conspiracies being perpetuated are by THEM!

xl said...

Happy Christmas, PJ!

Krissyface said...

loves me some prunella jones. I wish I could blog like you. WHY CANT I FUCKING BLOG LIKE YOU???

Oh, and drinking smoking and screwing has a sequel. Lying cheating and stealing or something. not as good.